Trash TV

Everyone needs a little guilty pleasure now and then. For some, it’s reading the National Enquirer or Star. For others, it’s My Super Sweet 16 or American Idol. Still others (usually guys) use their time off to play video games nonstop. Whether it’s trashy romance novels with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s or comic books and Mountain Dew, we all have a secret pleasure that we indulge in, slightly embarrassed of our enjoyment and hoping that the people we admire will never find out.

Well, because I love to share my secrets with all of you, I’m going to put it out there for you. I love watching the Maury Povich Show.

Maury used to be your average talkshow, but during the Springer years, when suddenly talkshows were divided into the respectable Oprah and the redneck Springer, they realized they needed a niche. They found their niche in five topics:

  • I Was a Dork, but Look How Hot I Am Now!
  • My Two Year Old Weighs 150 Pounds
  • Is This a Woman or a Man in Drag?
  • Lie Detector Tests Revealed
  • Six Men Tested – Who’s the Father?

While all of these can be amusing, Maury really shines when it comes to Paternity Test shows. If you ever start to feel superior to other people in the world, just watch one of these episodes to help you realize that Western society is not nearly as civilized as we think it is.

I especially love the guests who are already on their 6th appearance, still trying to find the father of their child. They introduce the 12th guy to be tested, and the woman is always yelling, “I KNOW he’s my baby’s daddy! I am 110% positive!”

The guy, of course, nearly always denies it. Some of my favorite excuses include, “We only had sex one time!” “I only make boys, and she has a girl!” and “I’ve never even slept with that slut” I especially like the last one when it turns out the guy is the father. I’m still waiting for them to explain that one.

Then there are the women who like to keep it in the family, and so bring their boyfriend, and either their boyfriend’s cousin, father, or brother along to test.

Of course, sometimes it’s the men who call the show, wanting to know if they really are the father of their child. They come onto the show, angry, saying how their wife/girlfriend has “always been a slut” and “I know she’s been cheatin’ on me.” They harass and insult the woman all the way up until the results are revealed. When the child ends up being their kid, suddenly they’re saying, “I knew it all along! I love you, baby. You’re the only one for me.” I keep waiting for one of these women to smack the hell out of these guys and tell them where they can stick it.

I admit I love this melodrama. I enjoy looking at the pictures and making my guess, based on both sides of the story, who the baby belongs to. It’s scary how accurate I’ve become.

I also find the continuous plethora of guests for this type of show to be sad. It amazes me that there are that many mothers out there who genuinely do not know the father of their child. In the case of women who have tested 6 or more men, my mind boggles: how in the world did you manage to sleep with that many men in that short period of time? It’s also sad how many of the men on the show say that they have other children, often from different mothers.

I try not to wonder about the future of these children. That would spoil the voyeuristic fun of the show and might just make me cry.

Now, no worries about Cordy seeing this trash TV. I never watch it with her around. This is reserved only for when I’m home sick, or if she’s napping. God forbid I let her see that people like that can get fame on TV. Wouldn’t want her to have a dream of being on Maury someday.

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  1. Anonymous says:

    Hey, I happen to get into Maury on occasion as well. I don’t know why I can’t help but laugh through the entire show but it is quite funny. I don’t watch tv much and probably haven’t seen anything outside of survivor and AI in over 6 months but when I get on a tv binge…oh yea, Maury is the one.

    Jerri Ann

  2. How embarassing…I love every shameful thing you listed…sigh. And you didn’t even bring up Britney Spears “Chaotic”.

  3. LOL. I’m a fan of Maury myself. I love watching the drag shows and yelling out at the TV “That’s a MAN!!!” (then being wrong) lol. How’d you like to be that girl, who everyone is SO POSITIVE is a MAN?! LOL. How good must THAT feel?

  4. hehe you rock!! Although I am not a Maury watcher, I do have my guilty pleasures!

  5. Don’t hate me but I didn’t even know Maury Povich had a show anymore. I thought he went off the air years ago…lol

    I like to occasionally watch Sylvia Browne on Montel. I can never decide if I think she’s for real or not.

  6. Mommy off the Record says:

    I admit to catching a little Maury on occasion. It really is sad to see those women trying to find out who fathered their babies and then having those men up there acting like babies themselves. I weep for the children of our future.

  7. I haven’t watched Maury but I do admit to more than a mild obession with crappy reality TV. We all need a guilty mindless indulgence :)

  8. I can’t watch those shows (like Maury) anymore…but I do admit to watching some trashy MTV shows like the Real World and Road Rules and a few others…hey everyone’s gotta have a few guilty pleasures now and then! :)

  9. Sylvia Browne. LMAO Izzy. And I’m with Pattie – the real world road rules stuff used to suck me in – however, I’m in recovery.

    I do understand the attraction. I was an early Jerry Springer watcher. Until it got fake :)

  10. Likewise, I used to get a kick out of Jerry Springer.

    Maury – hasn’t Connie Chung kicked his ass to the curb yet?

  11. When I was pregnant and on bedrest, we didn’t yet have cable at our new house. I was forced to watch (gasp) regular programming and I became addicted to Maury! That show absolutely cracked me up.

    Now The Hubby runs around pointing at our daughter and saying, “I’m a million percent sure she’s not mine! She don’t have my nose.”! It’s so funny!

  12. I used to watch Maury alot. I only stopped bacause they changed the time its on, and I would rather watch something else at that time (Uh, Days of our lives anyone?).
    Actually, when it was my due date with daughter #1, hubby was flipping channels, and landed on Jerry Springer. I kid you not, that show started my contractions! I had to leave the room! It was nuts!

  13. That is so funny you posted this because this is the same conversation I had with my fance not to long ago!!

    I am 299% sure….bwahahahahaha!

    I love that show & also dont forget the shows he does where you have to quess whether it is a woman or man.

    I also watch Montel for Sylvia Brown, I often wonder whether she is for real. But I am drawn to watch every time.

  14. Ooh. In college, my one guy friend LIVED on these shows. He has a PhD and is a college professor now.

    I always get sucked into the Pet Psychic lady or that John Edwards guy. That and Ghosthunters on Sci-Fi.

    I do love me some paternity tests. I also try to figure out the results myself.

  15. Jenny – I did watch Chaotic for a few episodes, but even with my love of trashy TV, it was too much to bear!

    Izzy – I love Sylvia Brown as well, and I always wonder how she does it.

    Kristen (MU) – I used to watch Springer, too. It was a lot of fun before it got fake.

    Mothergoosemouse – I always wonder about Connie Chung. How can she stand to have a husband who does a show like that?

    Meg & Trish – LOL! Every now and then, if Aaron is watching Maury with me, he’ll do the same thing. He’ll look at me and say, “Wait a minute, Cordy has blonde hair and blue eyes! She can’t be mine!”

    Kristi – LOVE GhostHunters!!

    Dana – Exactly. How many men are these women sleeping with at one time?

  16. Sometimes I watch that show and just laugh. How does one not know who the father is? Are they really having that much sex with that many men? It’s kind of icky to think about. Yikes. But I do agree, it’s kind of fun to watch.

  17. I watched Maury Povich yesterday and couldn’t stop laughing. It was full of nothing but unbelievable trash. The funniest part is when they extremely obese women cry and get upset and can’t understand why “their men” cheat on them. Clearly Maury and most of daytime TV has sunk to a new low with this garbage.

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