Girl Toy or Boy Toy?

During one of our bi-weekly weekly far too often trips to McDonald’s, I had to deal with the one question I hate to hear:

“Is the Happy Meal for a boy or girl?”

I glanced at the toys available. A My Scene doll and a Matchbox car. One clearly intended for girls, and one intended for boys.

I sighed. “For a boy.” For the record, I haven’t gone all Angelina Jolie on you and quietly adopted a boy from some small African country while you weren’t looking. The toy was for Cordy – definitely a girl – but I knew she would play with the car, while the doll would be tossed aside, unnoticed.

I drove around to the window to pay for our trans-fat, and the woman who took my money saw Cordy and said, “Oh, wait. I need to fix your order. This says the Happy Meal is for a boy.”

Quickly snapping out of my amazement that they would ever voluntarily fix an order, I said, “No no – that is right. My daughter wants the car.”

You’d think I told her my daughter likes to read porn while shooting small animals in the backyard. It was a look of confusion mixed with a little repulsion. “Oh, OK then,” she said, with as much judgment as she could muster.

Why must we have “boy toys” and “girl toys”? Do we really need to start pushing gender roles on our children at such a young age?

Cordy happens to have little interest in dolls. She also doesn’t much care for toy vacuums, toy kitchen items (unless it’s food), or dress-up clothes and makeup. She loves cars – her favorite is a monster truck. She also likes rockets, construction blocks, and trains. Her favorite shirt features Little Einstein’s Rocket, and it was purchased from the boys section of Target, because the girls section only had shirts with June dancing on them.

It frustrates me that we impose gender labels on toys and teach our children that certain toys aren’t for them because they don’t possess the right reproductive anatomy to play with them. And while I hate the stares I get when requesting a boy toy for my daughter, I can’t imagine how hard it would be for the mom of a boy to request a doll toy. A girl getting a boy toy is weird, but can be dismissed by saying she’s a “tomboy”, but the gender rules aren’t as forgiving for boys. Boys who like girl things are often looked down on in testosterone fueled circles.

Back when I was a kid and they had the Barbie-Hot Wheels toys at McDonald’s, I never thought about the pressures being put on me to conform to my gender standard. But looking back, I remember I always chose the Barbie (or the employee looked at me and chose for me). I never liked Barbie, though – I got that toy because I was a girl, and that’s what girls were supposed to get. I think I would have liked the Hot Wheels car more.

I’m not trying to say that girls shouldn’t like dolls and boys shouldn’t like cars. But I think it’s time for us to stop assuming that each gender must like those items. A simple change at the drive-thru could be to ask people if they want a doll or a car, and not ask “boy or girl?” Asking which toy instead of which gender removes the overt gender references to each toy, making parents more comfortable to choose the toy their child will like the most. For older children, it also allows them to feel safe picking their favorite toy and not feel that they have to get their gender-assigned toy because it’s expected.

When Cordy is older, I want her to be able to request the toy she really wants, and not pick the doll just because she was forced to reaffirm her gender by being asked “girl or boy?”

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Comments

  1. I hate this too.. I try to get my son the toy I know he will enjoy the most. It is for him, right? They usually screw it up, and give him something wrong… Oh, and once, I asked for the under 3 meal at a Whataburger… it was a book. I know books are great for kids.. in fact, he has hundreds.. but come on.. what 2 yr old wants a BOOK in a happy meal???

  2. I’ve got to say that was always the highlight for me as a kid getting a happy meal.. Loved the toy.. And my kids love the toys too:)

  3. The yshould put two toys in each bag 🙂

  4. Ok, first. Stop with the Happy Meals. I buy the nugget meal 10 pc thing and they split it. I hate that the kids get crappy toys with crappy food. Isn’t one enough??

    But yes. It is harder for the little boy who wants to dress up as a princess for Halloween or have a tea party for his dolls. They may turn out just as masculine in adulthood, but people automatically assume “GAY! GENDER IDENTITY CRISIS AT AN EARLY AGE!!! AAAACCCCCKKK!!!!!” Which, if that’s the case? Hell. There are a whole lot worse things than THAT that can happen in my life.

    Do you have any idea how hard it was to find a Curious George t-shirt for my 2 year old niece last year? Apparently, only boys like monkeys. I had to go into the big kids section to find a shirt that wasn’t screaming BOY SHIRT. For the record, it was pink with George painting. BUT!!! Did it HAVE TO BE PINK??? Can’t we just have red or blue or green shirts that aren’t gender specific???

  5. Most of our toys have been boy-type toys, both because Bub came first and because those were the toys he liked. As a result, Pie loves cars and trains – and she has also been able to inculcate in Bub a bit more openness to the doll and kitchen style of toys. In some ways, I find girl toys to be more sophisticated – they tend to encourage more role-playing and pretend play. I like having both – and I like the fact that my children play with both, even though they may be initially drawn to the most gender-specific ones.

  6. You’re right, and it would be such an easy solution to just offer the choice of toy instead of boy vs. girl! Or, god forbid, how about some gender-neutral offerings?!

    I agree with B&P — one of the nice things about having a boy and a girl is that they play with each other’s toys. But it sounds like you are making sure Cordy and Mira do have “both kinds” of toys — way to go.

  7. I used to always get the boy toys until my oldest asked for the Polly Pocket doll. I was shocked! She used to have no interest in dolls.

    I have tried to encourage my daughters to play with all toys but one day Strawberry began telling me stereotypical gender ideas. I believe it is things she has picked up from the other children at daycare. Blue is for boys. Girls like princesses. It is sad to see peer pressure at three years old. It doesn’t help with McDonald’s pushing gender roles to the masses.

  8. Misguided Mommy says

    last night my son was playing and he found my head band and put it on. my husband got all puffed up and manly and was like brandon take that off. i was pissed. i didn’t understand why! i said well what are you going to do when he walks around in my shoes? he was adamant that his kid would never do that. i was soo angry because i just don’t see the problem. so just to be safe i gave my son my cabbage patch to play with!

  9. I’m with you all the way. That always frustrates me, too. My youngest lad likes the Build a Bear toys. Sorry, those are for girls. BS. And, yeah, he also puts his sister’s headband on. He treats it like a sweatband while he rocks out to his favorite band, Def Leppard.

  10. Self-Proclaimed Supermom says

    My daughter is the exact same way. She would have gone for the car over the doll in a minute.

    It’s okay!!

  11. 3carnations says

    Thank you! We missed the Build a Bear promotion at McDonalds, but I was planning to get my son a bear over a superhero. He loves stuffed animals. He also loves different colored socks. At Children’s Place, the boy socks are navy blue, red, white, tan and grey. We get him more from the girl’s side (at his choice). Yellow, bright green, orange, light blue.

    I don’t want all those labels to be forced on my son, either!

  12. We were asked the same thing this weekend and was as surprised as you were.

  13. The whole thing is horrifying. I seriously can’t handle how all the boy baby clothes are covered with trucks and cars and footballs. Because he’s a boy! So you automatically know he’s going to like sports and trucks and hammers! Barf. The only thing worse are the girl clothes that say “hottie” or whatever the hell. It just disgusts me, and we haven’t even gotten to the point of happy meals yet. Good for you for standing up to the nonsense.

  14. Motherhood Uncensored says

    I always ask for the boy toy.

    They are always way better.

    HAA. I just said “boy toy”

  15. Mrs. Chicken says

    I feel the same. What a stupid social convention. If the kid likes it, does it really matter if it is pink or blue? Or does it matter that they are entertained and engaged in playing?

    Oh, if only I ruled the world. With you as my co-captain!

  16. I have wondered why in the world McD is still giving girl/boy toys. I guess it’s a double commercial. However gender-neurtal stuff to the extreme gets on my nerves, too. Let girls be girls if they want.

  17. Momma_Phoenix says

    I ordered my first happy meal yesterday… I never even got one as a kid. The boy or girl question sort of threw me for a loop.

    As a kid, I didn’t like barbies. I didn’t like “pretending” things like that without someone else, because I knew that the dolls weren’t -really- having the conversation. I did have plenty of them though, incase my cousins were around. But I also collected Hot Wheels. My uncle is a car guy, so all of us kids (and my brother is the only boy in our generation)had huge amounts of hot wheels. I LOVED them, still do.

    I may hope that my boys are boys boys, because I love things like skateboarding and BMX and old cars and working on cars… but if they aren’t? I won’t care. I want them to be happy with themselves and not care what others think in regards to this whole gender thing.

  18. sparklykatt says

    There have been times where I have chosen the girl toy for my son, because I didn’t like the aggresive/scary nature of the boy toy.

    He’s just as happy to have a stuffed animal anyway.

  19. I purposly try and expose my boys to “girly” things. They have beads and bracelets that they love to play with. I got a doll for them to play with. I think it is good to bend the gender rules a bit. Evan and Harry beg to help with the dishes and do laundry. I know that thier wives will thank me.

  20. Yes! When my son was VERY interested in sweeping the floor and I wanted to get him a kid-size broom, I had to go the aisle where the floor was PINK! Why can’t a BOY clean the house??

    At least this Happy Meal toy wasn’t violent. I swear most of the “boy toys” are some weird alien carrying a weapon.

  21. Ugh, My father-in-law tries to impose gender rolls upon my children. I told him it wasn’t his concern. All my kids love to dance (boys and girls), but they are equally happy rock climbing or something less “girly”. It took my husband some time to adjust to the fact that my 6 year old son loves his ballet class and my 4 year old loves to dress up in his sisters recital costumes and cook. But he has transformed nicely. :o)

  22. I completely agree with you here. Zoe has just as many cars as she does dolls. She’s just as happy pushing around her doll stroller as she is her lawn mower. I wish everyone could just get over the whole “girl toys vs boy toys” thing.

  23. T with Honey says

    That summer I worked at McD’s when someone ordered a Happy Meal I would ask, “Barbie or Hot Wheels?” I never even thought to ask “Boy or Girl?”

    But then take a look at the latest tub of old stuff I got from my mom’s basement. It has Barbie dolls and clothing, Madame Alexander dolls, a camping mess kit, a Hess truck, Legos and an Erector set. My parents recognized that I had interests outside the typical ones assigned to my gender and just let me go.

    Girls can program computers and be a mommy. Boys can clean the house and do most of the cooking and not be homosexual. We can break the cycle.

  24. Indeed! They really ought to say the toy item instead of boy/girl. Although, it’s probably to save themselves from having to remember what toy is being offered that month.

    Actually, growing up in Macau, I don’t recall McD ever having boy/girl toys with the kids meal. Wait, did they even have kids meal? I think it was almost always a set of something for people to collect. Notice I said people, meaning adults would collect them too. You could just add a little extra money to get the toy/collectible you want. They sometimes have pretty awesome stuff.

  25. I (read: my mother) still have every single McDonald’s toy I ever got, including hot wheels, barbies, and, my personal favorites, all of the Fraggles. I don’t remember much being asked if the toy was for a girl or a boy because I (read: my mother) was always assertive: we want this toy, we’d tell them. After all, we had the others already.

  26. Happy Veggie says

    Here. Here. My favorite toys as a kid were kid sized real tools.

  27. Good thoughts.

    I used order the kids meals for myself before I had Q and always got the “boy” toy, because it was more likely to be interesting.

    A lot of places now have generic movie-tie in toys that don’t specify gender. We just got a cute frog shaped “magnifying glass” from some tropical themed project.

  28. Dana J. Tuszke says

    I always ask for the girl toy if I think the boy toy is going to be a duplicate and no one ever questions me. They give me funny looks though. One woman was just stunned and I told her the toy was for me, just so she’d stop raising her eyebrow at me.

  29. motherbumper says

    Holy cow, I can’t believe that McD’s situation happened – oh wait, yes I can. I find it happens all the time at the playgrounds we visit (when it comes to sharing toys). It’s annoying and frustrating. The perpetuation of this kind of antiquated crap is so freaking lame.

  30. Mom Chatter says

    So sad… and so true! I’m thinking kids just want to play with toys… let’s think of them as TOYS! 🙂

  31. Christie D. says

    Hi – I’m a lurker, and anyway, I live in Japan, and the McDonalds here just has 4 different toys to choose from (they are usually not particularly gender-specific, but sometimes they are). You just tell the cashier which toy you want — no. 1, 2, 3, or 4. Usually the choice is something like 4 different Mr. Incredible characters, or 4 different Pokemon — something like that.

    I don’t think the cashier would really notice much if a kid picked a toy for the “wrong” gender. Having said that, most kids would go for either something neutral or something from the “right” gender. It’s just that it is easier to choose the “other” gender toy if you want to. The situation you described sounds really backwards — I would have expected better from a major US company in this day and age! Maybe if you send a letter to the company, they will change, just like that guy got them to get rid of their “Supersize” policy!! (my whole family watched that movie the other day)

  32. I think the stigma is even worse for boys who like to play with “girl toys”. Both my boys loved a kitchen set with sink, microwave, etc. Once in the dollar store my son picked out a pink tea set so I bought it for him. They are teens now and they are both “all boy” – playing football, skateboarding, snowboarding, dirt-biking in a rock band, chasing girls. I agree with you, let her have what she likes to play with!

  33. Jennifer aka Binky Bitch says

    Well this is just ridiculous. As a kid my favorite toys were cars and stompers and my tonka jeep. I had a Dukes of Hazzard lunch box. I’m a girl. I turned out okay.

    I may start asking for the girl toys for Carson since he never plays with the boy toys they give him.

  34. You know I feel horrible. I never even thought about this. To be honest now I’m wondering if my kids pick these toys because that is what is expected of them?

    (I’m delurking too)

  35. Yes! My daughter (20 mths) loves her Tonka dump truck, her plastic alligator and her books. No dolls.

  36. MamaMichelsBabies says

    With 4 boys and one girl you would be amazed at how often the young boys will play with Booms dolls. WHen I had Clutch my 2 year old Monkey became pretty attached to this smallish doll, ugly thing, and it really was the best idea ever. Instead of having jealousy issues (Monkey is a Mommas boy, to the core) I had him grab the doll whenever I fed or changed the baby.

    It helped that he was taking care of his “baby” when I was taking care of mine. He doesn’t drag the doll around like he used to, but I know when he’s needing some Mommy time because he will suddenly pop up with it telling me “time to feed baby”

    And the one girl Boom?

    Total tomboy, but I find that that is more readily accepted by people then it is for boys to play with barbie. Even if they are using her in a boyish way (barbie has been held hostage by aliens, enemies and walked the plank)

    One day though, society will get over it and what a beautiful day that will be.

  37. I make it a point to say something like “it’s for a girl, but I want the car” or whatever. I have both, and they play with whatever is around. I hope I make my point, but probably not.

  38. Get over it. My happily well adjusted son now age 23 ASKED for a doll for his 3rd Christmas so that he could “practice being a daddy.” Just get them what they want and let the insensitive idiots be damned!

  39. Oh my gosh. I just posted about something very very similar to this. I’m so sick of the gender roles. And I’m glad my daughter is not the only one wearing clothes from the boys department because the girl clothing lack her favorite characters!

  40. Iam gladf I have b/g twins because they each get to play with teh other “genders toys”. My son plays with dolls and the kitchen as much as his sister plays with cars and dinosaurs.

  41. Awesome, well articulated post. I intend to try and keep our toys as free of gender bias as possible. I want Myles to have access to dolls that he can nurture if he chooses. I also want him to have lots of toys that will help him learn things like building, spatial relationships, cooking and art.
    We won’t be featuring many of the traditionally “boy” toys because I don’t want any guns or toys that promote violence.
    Great post.

  42. i agree with your indignation at how forcefully gender spheres seem to be pushed upon children, and the population in general. I must also point out that, while asking for the car may raise a few eyebrows, it is much better than the looks your daughter would get if she dressed like the MyScene dolls that come with the “girl” Happy Meal. Not only are children being told what they should like based on their gender, but young girls are being given a very negative image by these toys and many others at a very young age. What could be worse than raising a girl who dresses like a floosy? Why, raising a tomboy! What a mixed up world.

  43. My girls like the dolls – but for now, they MUST get the cars. There’s no way I am letting my girls play with some half naked woman toy. What were they thinking?

    BTW – I love the 10 piece nugget meal idea. Ugh, why didn’t I think of that!

  44. This drives me CRAZY!!! They are starting to do it at Burger King too. How much more trouble is it to say do you want the truck or doll. I was thinking the next time they say is this for a boy or girl I will say girl and then when they give me the doll I will say…oh, but she wanted the truck. I always ask them “what are the toys” then i say “truck please” and they say “so for the BOY” and I say “well, its a girl,is that ok?” I sent McDonalds an email and I never got a response. Isn’t there something we can do?

  45. Mommyagainstgenderbias says

    I see no need to even ask the boy or girl question. We are often thinking about girls not getting the car or Star Wars toy but my son loves the littlest pet shop toys- why not, one was an iguana- he loves iguanas- so, why not say do you want the LPS or the Bakugan? or whatever it was. Wendys seems to be more gender neutral but maybe less in demand. I am glad MCD’s has options, I hate getting doubles on toys. I like that there is choice but trust me there is nothing worse than a die hard Star Wars fan getting an icarly toy because she is the girl. Still a ways to go but I am glad to see there are so many out there who want to see an end to these labels and let the boys who want them get the Barbie and the girls get the monster truck without imposing some kind of judgement on them.