Oh Target, why hast
thou forsaken me in my
time of greatest need?

No kids' long pants and
sweaters, right when I needed
more winter clothing.

Your store is filled with
capris and spring t-shirts. Have
you seen the weather:

I will never presume to know how the fashion industry works. On January 2, I walked into our Target and found all of the winter clothing shoved onto clearance racks while the spring clothing had been placed out on display. It's not even February yet, but there are no winter clothes to be found other than the random 0-6 mo. sweater or leftover Christmas long-sleeved shirt.

When it comes to shopping for my children, I try to buy ahead, but sometimes I find that there is a need for more, such as long-sleeved shirts for Cordy, since my Amazon warrior princess grows right out of everything. But Target can offer me nothing except Easter dresses and pastel short-sleeved shirts. Puzzling.


To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What's a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON'T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will delete any links without haiku!

How's your day going? Ours can best be summed up as this:


We're snowed in today - it would seem the entire city of Columbus is closed. Cordy is vibrating from an overload of energy and few ways to discharge it. Mira is still getting over her cold, and while she is almost back to normal, she's still adding as much whine to her day as possible.

And Aaron and I now have Mira's cold. Despite all attempts to wash my hands frequently, and bathe in Purell and Cleanwell on a regular basis, nothing can stop a determined toddler from giving you her germs. I think I can trace when I became infected. It was a few days ago when, while working at the computer, she tugged on my arm. As I turned to see what she wanted, she simultaneously thrust a half-chewed pretzel into my mouth. She's a plague bearer.

Giveaway:

So anyway, today I have another giveaway to go with the Bloggy Giveaways carnival. I've got a $25 Kohl's giftcard for one lucky winner! Who doesn't love to shop at Kohl's?

To enter, just leave a comment below - something more than "Pick me!" please. Either tell me what you're hoping to buy, tell me something about yourself, or feel free to tell me what you like about my blog.

You can also earn additional entries in one of the following ways.

Extra entries:
1. Tweet about this contest on Twitter.
2. Subscribe to my blog or let me know you're already subscribed.
3. Write a post on your blog linking to this contest.

For each of these additional entries, please leave a separate comment. For #1 and #3, also give me the link to your tweet or blog post.

Entries will be accepted until Saturday, January 31 at 11:59 pm EST. One winner will be chosen at random after that date and contacted via e-mail, so be sure you have a valid e-mail address listed in your comment or in your Blogger profile.

Good luck!

Comments are now closed for this contest.

We're currently dealing with a sick child in our house. Mira came down with a massive cold on Friday, and we've reached new lows of sleep deficits due to her inability to sleep more than 15 minutes without coughing, waking up and crying.

This is only Mira's second big cold, not counting occasional runny noses that don't develop into much. Her first cold was at 6 weeks old, when they stuck a needle in her back as a result, so I can see why her immune system has been on high alert to avoid any further colds.

Since she's sick, and I'm exhausted as a result, this makes it a perfect week for some giveaways. And it happens to be the Bloggy Giveaways carnival right now, too - Mira has good timing.

So first up, today I'm giving away a 1-year premium account to Picnik. If you haven't used Picnik yet, you don't know what you're missing. It is a web tool that lets you edit your photos, with everything from simple touch-ups and brightness adjustments to wacky effects and collages. I use it all of the time to touch up and add special effects to my photos.

Many of the tools are free to use, but some of the cooler effects and collages are limited to premium accounts. They have a new set of Valentine's Day collages right now. In less than 5 minutes, I put this together:


And I've used their special effects to produce images like this:

color boost, slight softening, greater contrast

To enter:

Leave a comment on this post telling me how you currently edit your digital pics. Be sure to leave an e-mail address for me to contact you if you don't have a Blogger profile - many times Blogger doesn't record e-mail addresses. One entry per person per day.

This giveaway will end Friday, January 30 at 11:59pm. One winner will be chosen at random using Random.org and e-mailed the gift code for a Picnik premium account over the weekend.

Good luck, and watch for more giveaways this week!

Edited to add: Thanks to the folks at Picnik, I'm now expanding this giveaway to TWO winners!

Comments are now closed for this contest.

I used to be, like most 20-somethings, fairly self-centered. I wanted to save the world and all, but I also wasn't going to give up the things that made me feel good, like sleeping in, regular hair cuts, and buying any book that looked interesting, whether I had a huge waiting list in my personal library or not.

Something happened when motherhood washed over me. My wants fell to the very bottom of the list, with my daughter and the family as a whole always trumping anything I might want. Aaron would insist I take some time for myself, sending me off to the mall for some personal shopping. I'd come home with nothing for myself but two new outfits for Cordy.

And now, with two kids, I'm run down. I feel guilty when I do something for myself, and I've lost all sense of balance in my life. Trying to be a wife, stay-at-home mom, student, writer, and recent community activist leaves no room for any other parts of me. Like the part who really wants to work out more. And the part who wants to kick back and watch the first season of The Tudors. And that part of me who wants to go out with her friends and have a good meal and a drink, forgetting for an hour or two that we have bills, kids, laundry, and a house that needs cleaned.

Aaron has his outlet: comic books. Every week he makes a pilgrimage to The Laughing Ogre for his stack of comic books that are set aside for him. I'm certain he's one of a handful of people who keep that store running. Many times I've resented those comic books, mostly because of the expense, when we have so many other important things to spend that money on. (Even though he can now deduct them on his taxes as legitimate research expenses.) But I can also see the need to have something for yourself, something that makes you happy and isn't necessarily rational.

I'm going to find balance for myself, beginning with making time for my interests. Not just my TV time, but carving out time to knit, read, workout, etc. Every minute of my waking existence need not be devoted to doing something to help the family or make money. There are several activities that would simply bring me inner peace.

Taking a cue from Aaron, I've decided I'm worth some spending money, too. So now whatever he spends on comic books each week, I transfer an equal amount of money into a savings account. In just two months, I've built up a hefty sum. Soon I'll have enough to buy a little toy for myself, and maybe begin a new photography hobby.

This will be my year of the Mom.

This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by BOCA.

It's been a year now
since the news broke on Twitter:
Heath Ledger is dead

I thought it a sick
joke at first, but then it was
confirmed. And I cried.

I remember him
as a young new actor on
the FOX series Roar

I was a fan of
his career. He was even
on my List of Five.

Here's hoping Heath wins
the Oscar for the Dark Knight.
He'll be greatly missed.

How ironic that exactly one year after his accidental death, Heath Ledger was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his brilliant portrayal of the Joker. Watching that movie, I'll admit there were several moments where I completely forgot it was him because he disappeared entirely into the role.

I wish we could have seen more of his work. And I really miss that smile.



(One of his cheesiest roles, and yet one of my favorites.)

To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What's a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON'T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will delete any links without haiku!

Browsing through some vintage ads today, I happened to find this one:


Sometimes I wish I lived in the past. Skinny girls were out of fashion! Curves were in! Instead of starvation diets, they offered a formula to increase your appetite so you could "add pounds and pounds of firm, attractive flesh" to obtain those "Glamorous Curves!"

But of course there has to be a dark side. And if your appetite increased too much, or those pounds and pounds of flesh weren't so firm or attractive, you had to endure this:

(Lane Bryant, thank goodness your marketing has improved)

Maybe I'll just stay in the present.

These are the nights I hate.

The cries sometimes erupt sharply from her room. Other times they are soft at first, growing to a fever pitch. Heaving sobs come between high-pitched whines. I wonder at first if she's scared or in pain or both as I rush up to her room.

Tonight it's sharp cries. I find Cordy on the floor beside her bed, curled in the fetal position with her arm over her head, trying to block out some unseen attack. I ask her what's wrong, but as usual I get answers that are vague or make no sense.

I ask why she's upset and she says she doesn't know. I ask if her belly hurts, and she says it does. I ask if her foot hurts and she says it does. I doubt she really hurts - instead she is letting my questions lead her to find the answer she doesn't know. Anything I ask she answers yes.

Her eyes are open wide, pupils large and black. She is awake yet most of the time sees right through me. She begins to cry out that she misses her grandma, and I remind her that she'll see grandma in a few days. She then says she misses mommy, and I look closer into her eyes and tell her I'm right there. I shift my weight slightly and she interprets this as a sign of retreat, begging me to stay because she is scared.

"What are you scared of?" I ask.

"I don't know...the dark."

"But your light is on. It's not dark in here."

"I'm scared of the dark when I close my eyes."

As a toddler Cordy suffered from night terrors. She would wake suddenly, screaming and thrashing as if she was being assaulted. We tried to comfort her, but any attempt to interact made her scream even louder. She didn't recognize us or her surroundings. 15-20 minutes later, she would eventually start to calm and slowly become aware of our presence, dazed and clinging to us for comfort.

We had a long period where there were no nightmares or night terrors. Cordy has never slept through the night since she turned three, but she rarely needs us when she wakes. She usually goes to bed around 7pm (her choice), then wakes sometime between 11pm-1am, spending up to an hour quoting some TV scene to herself over and over, running back and forth in her room, or collecting carpet fuzz in one of her play kitchen pots. She eventually settles down without any intervention from us. Sometimes she has another awake period around 3am, and by 6am she is up for the day.

But over the past few weeks, the night-time crying has come back. She may be four years old, but her comprehension of nightmares is closer to that of a two year old. She can't comprehend it - she only knows that she's suddenly awake and scared of something she can't describe. It's not a night terror, because she's awake and aware of us, but she can't accept our explanations. No matter how we try to explain that it wasn't real, she doesn't believe us. Her inner world and the outside world are blurred together in that moment.

It's very possible that these nightmares are her way of trying to process the outside world that encroaches on her internal world more each day. Her inner world is a predictable place, filled with routine and repetition and patterns. She retreats to it whenever she feels threatened. Our world is chaotic to her, frightening and confusing and filled with new experiences and sensations. When she's had too much, she retreats inward to her scripts and her repetitive motions.

Cordy has made incredible progress combating autism. She's brave, she's strong-willed, and she wants to please us so much. I feel so proud of her accomplishments, and I take some pride in how well we've fought to get her to this point. She has her good days and bad days, of course. She talks back to us now, full of attitude that she learned from her classmates, and while it's frustrating we laugh and remind each other it's a sign of progress. She's acting like a "typical" four year old with each huff and foot stomp.

But on these nights, when I cradle my scared, no-longer-small four year old with the wide, vacant eyes and grasp for ways to make her fears go away, unable to promise that the darkness won't be there when she closes her eyes, I feel just as lost as she does. And I can only hope that the morning sun will vanquish the darkness and bring her some peace, even if only for another day.

With the inauguration just two days away, I've been thinking a lot about what this new administration will bring, and how it will affect me. One thing I really admire about Obama is his continual message of unity and the need to work together. His Renew America Together initiative is especially impressive. The message is simple: things are hard right now for much of this country, and if we're going to have better days, we need to find a way to work together again to improve our communities.

It makes sense to me. Our sense of community isn't what it used to be. I know very little about my neighbors. Trying to pull them all together to fight a development behind us is hard to do. And someone who used to live in our community was the one breaking into our homes and stealing our things. No one watches out for their neighbors, and no one cares about their neighbors' hardships.

As a kid, I knew everyone on my block. Most of the neighbors knew each other and spent time talking as friends would do. They visited each other all the time. If someone had a tragedy in their family, neighbors would bring them food and offer words of comfort. Our school collected good-condition used clothing each fall to distribute to other kids in our town who needed them.

I want my daughters to know the importance of helping others, too. We've received help from friends and family ever since Aaron was laid off, and we've done our best to help others with what we have. Boxes of old clothing recently went to Goodwill, serving the dual functions of making more room in our home as well as providing income for a great charity.

Right before Christmas I also brought a large donation of diapers, formula, a dollhouse and Johnson & Johnson baby products to our local YWCA family shelter. Just this past week I received a very nice letter from them, thanking us for providing items they so desperately need.

We're going to continue all of this in 2009. In re-organizing Mira's room yesterday, I found more clothing that we no longer need. Continuing to give items we no longer use or need to Goodwill or other charities helps others, but also simplify our lives as well. I'll also continue giving to the YWCA family shelter - with the recession tightening its hold more each day, I know this organization will need any assistance we can offer to provide for the increasing numbers of families seeking out their help.

I do believe that if we all made some effort to better our towns and cities, we'd see some amazing changes. It's about time we all came together for something other than a national tragedy.

What about you? What will you do in 2009 to help your community?

This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by The Quaker Oats Company.

Welcome to winter!
Ten below zero tonight
without the windchill

No school for Cordy
The air is too cold. But me?
Of course I have school.

So I will put on
my paper thin scrubs to sit
with crazy people.

Oh, how I wish my clinical would be canceled in the morning. But even bitter cold can't prevent me from spending 10 hours in a psychiatric ward. My clinical for nursing school this quarter is psych/rehab, so the first half of the quarter I'm working in an institution with patients who will probably never leave due to their serious mental illnesses.

I do find it interesting to learn more about the different types of mental illness, but 10 hours is a long time to spend there. By the end of the day, I have to do a mental status check on myself to make sure I'm not going crazy as well.


To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What's a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON'T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will delete any links without haiku!

So, two days ago I might have been a little worn out from Cordy begging me for three days straight to build a snowman. I would have given in, if there had been more than a dusting of snow on the ground. So then I possibly Tweeted something like this...



Sometimes? Mother Nature listens:


Naturally, now that we have the snow she no longer wants to build a snowman. Now she wants to shovel the driveway, the sidewalk, and all of the grass. Soon our entire property will be completely free of the thing she wanted so much.

First off, thank you for coming out of lurkdom for my last post! I learned a lot from your comments, including I had no idea there were so many readers without children. I hope my blog is proving to be a good form of birth control for you - were I 22 and reading this, I'd be putting my ovaries on ice for several years.

Yesterday I had planned out a post about getting back into shape again, following the New Year's herd and all, but was interrupted from this task due to the very thing I was going to write about.

You may have noticed a new obsession with several bloggers: 30 Day Shred is the fitness regimen that apparently half of the world has adopted. I don't know if it's because we've all watched The Biggest Loser and thought, "If these 300 lb contestants can survive a workout designed by Jillian Michaels, I should be fine!" or if Jillian Michaels is a manipulative psychic, mentally projecting her DVD into our heads as the perfect get-fit tool. Either way, I took a flying leap onto that bandwagon and bought the DVD.

I did my research first. Or, rather, I asked others what they thought, with opinions ranging from, "It's pure hell, but it works," to "You'll never feel so good bitching out your TV." Hmmm...sounds like fun, right?

The last time I tried a new workout DVD, I had less than stellar results. So of course I once again set myself up for failure with another difficult workout by one of the hardest trainers available. This time I dragged Aaron along for the torture fun.

It sounds like a simple system: 3 minutes of strength training, followed by 2 minutes of cardio and 1 minute of ab work. Repeat x3. Only 20 minutes total. Anyone can hold out for those small amounts of time, right?

Sure, but not when those first 3 minutes are composed of alternating 45 second intervals of push-ups and squats. I had no idea 45 seconds could take so long! And after that going directly into alternating jumping jacks and butt-kicks. There was no time for a breath, no water break, no mercy.

At several points one of us would mutter "This is impossible!" and while we considered turning it off, we kept going until the end, then collapsed on the floor from our jelly legs and arms. (Did I mention that's just Level 1? There are 3 levels.)

And that's how I spent the rest of the day - with Gumby arms and legs, unable to even walk up stairs without holding tight to the handrail to prevent me from sliding back down the stairs when my legs gave out.

I knew today was going to hurt. Right now I am a rigid, slow-moving shadow of my usual self. When I sit or stand up, I groan louder than an arthritic 80-year old. Everything hurts.

I keep telling myself that this is a good hurt, though - I have tested my body, and it has given me a full report of its deficiencies, which can be summarized as: if you ever do that again I will slow your metabolism to a crawl, change your digestion to send you running to the bathroom at inopportune times, force debilitating migranes on you, and put your entire immune system on strike to punish you for putting me through that.

Eh, I think my body's bluffing. It's been through worse - like the years I did Irish dance regularly. It can protest all it wants, but I'm not quitting. I am taking it easy today, choosing Wii Fit over 30 Day Shred, because the Wii Fit's insults don't hurt as much as my thighs do right now. But tomorrow it'll be time to scream obscenities at Jillian Michaels while doing bicycle crunches.

Is anyone else using a DVD or Wii Fit to help with getting fit? If so, what are you using, and do you like it? I'm wondering if others are finding it as hard to get in shape.

Apparently today is Delurking Day, according to Rude Cactus and several others I've come across while doing my daily browse of blogs. This thing always sneaks up on me, kinda like the guy in the graphic.


So, um, if you read this, leave me a comment and let me know you're here, OK? Especially if you don't comment regularly - or at all. You can stay anonymous if you'd like.

Consider this the annual census of my blog. Only I don't come knocking on your door at dinnertime to ask you how much you make annually and how many children you have. And feel free to drop any suggestions or praise you might like to share.

(As always, any complaints written in the message body of a $20 Amazon gift certificate e-mail will be read. All others will be ignored.)

Tonight, we fought the
"man", and we won! Well, we got
a short extension.

A few weeks ago
we found the land behind ours
could possibly change

Instead of single
homes, they wanted to change the
zoning: apartments.

Two large apartment
buildings would be placed twenty-
five feet from our yard.

"Oh hell no!" we cried
and went to the meeting to
voice our discontent

We were not alone.
Others complained about the
trouble it would bring.

The committee heard
us, and tabled the vote for
further discussion.

When we found out the developer who owns the land directly behind us wanted to change the zoning from single-family homes to apartments, we were furious, but also felt helpless. How could we stop it? But anger won out, and I decided we needed to go to this zoning meeting, voice our concerns, and ask them to deny the request. I was terrified, to be honest.

Good thing we went. After hearing our complaints, plus the complaints from others bordering the property, the committee told the developer that the request needed to be tabled until our complaints could be addresses and some compromise could be reached. We spoke with the developer afterward, and despite some loud arguing from some of those involved, it was decided that we would schedule a meeting to try to discuss alternatives that would make everyone happy.

This also gives us time to mobilize other neighbors who would be affected, too. The developer had assured those surrounding the property that it would only build single-family homes when it first started. If everyone surrounding the property refuses to allow apartments, I'd imagine we can block this rezoning from happening entirely. It's possible we'll find a compromise, but any attempt to put large 12 unit apartment buildings directly behind my backyard will be met with fierce resistance. And after our "win" tonight, I'm feeling completely energized and ready to rally the neighborhood to make sure our properties are protected.

Lesson learned: Stand up for yourself, your family and your home, or you let someone else choose your future.


To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What's a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON'T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will delete any links without haiku!

I've noticed a trend lately among friends, family and even complete strangers when they lay eyes on my two little girls together. It usually goes something like this:

Person: (gushing) "Oh, look at Cordy! She's gorgeous! You know that, right? She could easily be a model. Those curls are so pretty, and her eyes are such a deep blue. She's really is a beautiful little girl!"

Me: "Thank you! Yes, she is very pretty."

*Person then turns gaze towards Mira, and then in a less exuberant voice:

Person: "Hi there, Mira! Cute outfit. You look just like your father, you know that? No denying who your daddy is!"

Me: "Um...yeah. She does have some of Aaron's best features, making her pretty, too."

That's it. They tell us how pretty Cordy is, and then totally leave out that part when pointing out Mira's appearance.

Poor kid. Rarely does anyone tell her she's pretty. And while I would never emphasize a need for beauty in order to be successful (because I want to be a part of killing the stereotype that women need to focus on beauty), I worry that if this trend continues it might begin to affect her when she's older and understands.

I'm pretty too, dammit

I know I'd start to feel inadequate if someone close to me was constantly praised for her beauty while I was given a passing remark about a family resemblance. Even with constant self-esteem building, it might be enough to put a dent into an armor of confidence.

And it's not like Aaron needs a bag on his head to go out in public, either. I'm biased, but others have confirmed for me that he is generally thought to be good-looking. But often any comparison between Aaron and Mira is said without as much...excitement? or as if there's another message hidden underneath? I can't be sure. Maybe I'm totally reading into something that is more shallow than I thought.

Either way, if Mira looks like Aaron it's a good thing. She has his eyes. She sports a lovely olive skin tone that will keep her from burning in the sun, unlike me and Cordy who look out a sunny window and turn pink. It's possible she'll have her father's curls, too. It's not like she's sporting his beard, ya know?

Hopefully these specific conversations will fade away as Mira gets older and people are more careful with their words, as we all are with other adults. And despite who is the prettiest, both girls will continue to be valued at home for their personalities and accomplishments. In our house there is no "ugly" sister - just two girls treasured because of who they are in total.

And besides, it's not like Cordy hasn't had her share of not-so-pretty days:


Not too far off from this, is it?

Hi everyone - like the new look?

Yeah, I know it loads slower than a child walking to bed when there's fireworks and pony rides outside. I can't figure out why. It loaded so quickly when I saw other people's versions of the template. Figures.

I'm no expert at this, so you'll probably see some tinkering over the next week. In addition to being a Domestic Zero, I'm apparently not-so-hot in the technical field, either.

Don't worry, I won't be doing this for anyone else anytime soon. Because with the amount of time I've put into screwing around with this template, and photoshop editing, and finding a background that's passable-but-not-quite-right, I'd probably have to charge $9,280. And that's assuming minimum wage per hour.

So if anything looks out of whack, let me know. If you care to share thoughts, I'd love to hear them, too. But only if they're positive, OK? This was my first attempt at template re-design, and I'd like to someday try again instead of forking over money I don't have to someone else.

My resolutions?
Eat better, exercise? Not
specific enough.

Spend more time with my
family, maybe even
be more domestic.

Look for the good, even
in a bad situation,
and be more helpful.

Prepare a facelift
for this blog - a new look for
a new year, new me.

I also will share
more stories with you - a look
deeper in my head.

Find time for lost loves:
knitting and the hum of an
old sewing machine

I want the new year
to be my best year yet - a
year of renewal.

Are you making resolutions for the new year? If so, what are they?

To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What's a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON'T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will delete any links without haiku!