If you've been following along on Hot by Blogher, you know that I'm starting to see some real progress in my fitness goals. Muscles are getting stronger, weight is coming off, and I'm feeling pretty good.

Years ago, when I was in better shape, I walked in a 2 mile charity event. Even with being in good shape, my legs ached from the fast paced walking. I was expecting to do the same with the Autism Walk back in October, but it was more like a leisurely 1 mile stroll - not very challenging.

So when I saw Heather's March for Babies widget the other day while I was also thinking about new ways to work out, it clicked in my head: combine two of my interests into one!

The Columbus March for Babies is April 26, a little less than a month from now. It's a 5 mile walk and the money raised goes to support the March of Dimes in their goals of reducing the number of premature births and birth defects, and finding new ways to improve the outcomes of preemies.

Now, I don't think I've ever walked 5 miles without stopping. I can barely make it through Level 2 of the 30 Day Shred, and that's only 20 minutes. But I'm excited to do this walk, and while it's not a race I still want to push myself to get the best time I can get. My legs are going to ache, but it'll be a good ache. I think I'm going to love doing this. (I'm excited about exercise? What strange being has possessed me?)

If you're interested in being a participant in the March for Babies, there are walks going on in hundreds of locations across the US. And if you want to donate, I'm taking donations on my March for Babies page. (I set a low $$ goal due to having less than a month to get going on this!)

You'd think we time-warped back to the 1960s in my house.

Cordy's newest obsession is the Beatles. This happens every few months. She'll find something new to fixate on, and it will become her go-to conversation starter, or excuse, or comfort phrase when she's over-stimulated.

And while an obsession with John, Paul, Ringo and George wouldn't be so bad, the truth is they aren't the Beatles that have infested her imagination.

It's these:



This obsession was triggered over one friggin' commercial. She happened to see a commercial for The Wonder Pets Save the Beetles while watching Noggin, and suddenly her world revolved around four bugs with bowl cuts.

Do you think the beetles will come to my house?

Will I see the beetles soon?

Mommy, the beetles are trapped!

Are the beetles stuck in a cave?

Don't forget lunch for the beetles, too!

After days of this, I searched to find when the damn show would be on and Tivo'd it, thinking that she would watch it and then lose interest.

Nope.

They've now gone beyond the show to their own world. She has names for them, she draws them, she creates wild stories about them. They appear in her dreams, they keep her safe, they apparently like PB&J sandwiches and they get trapped in caves a lot. I hear something about the beetles at least once every half hour.

But some variation of When will I see the beetles? is now her verbal filler. She uses it whenever she has nothing else to say, or doesn't know how to respond in a conversation. And Aaron and I have reached our point of frustration most days. You can only take so many questions about the beetles until you want to throw yourself into a pit of flesh-eating beetles just to end the auditory assault. I'm not kidding - it's worse than the preschooler Why? question.

So until this obsession ends, we tell her she'll see the beetles in her dreams and we let her watch Wonder Pets Save the Beetles every other day. I'm hoping her love for the beetles will fade like boy-bands from the 90s and I'll gladly delete the show from Tivo.

Although the past two days, I think I'm seeing a hint of the next obsession coming soon:

Mommy, how does the TV work?

I think I'm going to call up Time Warner and let them explain that one. For what I pay for cable, their customer support from India can satisfy my four year old's curiosity over and over again.

What used to be a
routine event is now rare:
the sublime date night

Now it requires time
and logistics, and of course
a babysitter

But the stars aligned
and tonight we'll be without
kids at the movies.

I swear date nights are the one time I get to feel like a human being and not just a jungle gym for two hyperactive girls. I've talked about how doing hobbies, indulge in some pampering, and shopping on my own help rejuvenate me, and going out on a date with my husband is right up there on that list, too.

Watching a movie and getting a meal with no interruptions is my idea of a fancy Friday night now. And I'm OK with that.


To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What's a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON'T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will delete any links without haiku!

Answer: pretty slim. (WHY? Why will they never look in the same direction at the same time?)

Which is why I give you two carousel photos today instead of one.



These were taken before the carousel started. What you don't see are the photos of Mira attempting to strangle me as she tried to get off the horse while it was moving. I'd like to state for the record that it was her idea to ride.

In our couples counseling yesterday, our therapist diverted away from the primary topic and asked me, "You don't have a lot of faith in people, do you?" That was an easy answer: no, I don't. The harder question to answer is, "What has happened to you over your life to make you not trust others?"

I'm a mistrustful person by heart, sadly. Being burned many times over throughout my life, especially by those I thought to be loved ones, has taught me to hold myself at arms reach from others, questioning all motives and locking my gaze of inquisition on people until they are proven trustworthy.

Even when I was a child I learned not to expect anyone's trust. Family members and friends let me down, or used words against me, or broke their word to keep secrets. Others forced me to keep secrets that I didn't want to know in the first place. Several people were repeat offenders, and yet because they were close to me I continued to try trusting them, thinking that maybe this time would be different, although it never was. I only wish I could share those stories.

As a teenager, I was already more wary of people. I kept my thoughts to myself at first, waiting until friendships were well-formed before truly placing any trust in the person. But more often than not, those "friends" would quickly sell me out if something - or someone - better came along. During my high school graduation all I could think about was how happy I would be to get out of that town.

One friend borrowed things from me all the time, and then the one time I asked for something back, taking it off her nightstand, she said it was hers and accused me of trying to steal something that wasn't mine. (Wha??) The guys I dated in high school and college? Nearly all cheated on me.

I'm not saying that everyone I've ever met has been untrustworthy. There were some nice people in high school. I have some very good friends who I could turn to for anything, as well as some family members who are the first I call when I need an ear.

As usual, the bad stands out more than the good, and those first reactions I learned from years of conditioning have taught me that most people will smile to your face and then laugh at you behind your back. I don't like to immediately think that, but I was bitten far more than once to make me shy.

Which then leads me to ask: why do I blog? Why should I put myself out there for all to see, sharing thoughts I never say out loud, when I would never do it in person?

Well, at first I didn't share too much about myself. The blog was mainly about the frustrations and joys of being a new parent - something anyone could relate to. But slowly I began sharing more of myself, and those teasing glimpses have led to my desire to run streaking through my blog, my thoughts naked for all to see.

You could say that blogging is my personal social experiment. Anyone could be reading this blog, but on the other hand, no one could be reading. I'm opening up before entirely trusting the reader partially because it is impossible to trust everyone passing through. I guess I'm teaching myself to be more of an open book, letting everything that has been trapped inside me out. It feels good.

And I'm learning that there are even more great people out there. Sure, trolls still exist and they're a minor annoyance, but I can't imagine not sharing most of me with many of you.

Hey, it's far cheaper than even more therapy, right?

--------------
And speaking of sharing most of me, please click over to Hot by Blogher and see how much my figure has changed in 22 days thanks to the 30 Day Shred and diet. I've lost only 5 pounds, and didn't think I'd see much of a change until the photo proof was in front of me!

Family members are once again reminded that they should probably not follow that link, because there are photos of me in a sports bra, and you have to see me in person again someday. It's better for all of us.

Did you see the story about Michelle Obama planting a vegetable garden on the White House grounds this week? It's the first time they've had a garden since the Roosevelt victory garden, and they plan to use the food they grow in the White House kitchens, donating any extra to a nearby soup kitchen.

With the recession hitting everyone hard, it only makes sense to start growing some of our own food. We have a large backyard, Aaron and I are both home all the time (thanks, unemployment), and with trying to lose weight and shape up, we're all eating more vegetables and fruits. It makes sense that a garden will save us money, while also teaching Cordy and Mira about the process of growing plants and reducing our carbon footprint, even if only slightly.

I know what you might be thinking - Christina is the least likely person to keep a plant alive - and you're right. I did a great job at killing my pepper plants last summer. I'm still amazed society has let me keep pets and have children. But I've been practicing! I bought this little strawberry pot at Target in February, and look! They're still alive!

Pleeeeeze don't kiiiillllll ussss!!!

It also helps that my mom, aunts and grandmother are champion gardeners. Not sure how I missed that segment of DNA, but even the talentless can be taught, right?

So the plan is to have an 8'x8' garden. I can't have corn, because that's too tall for growing in our planned neighborhood. If the HOA won't allow 6' fences, I doubt they'll allow 6' corn stalks. But I do want to plant lettuce, spinach, cucumbers, sweet peppers, broccoli, carrots and zucchini. OK, it's a little ambitious, but I tend to go all-in on a new project.

My mom grows a ton of tomatoes each year, so I can get those from her. I don't like tomatoes on their own, but I wouldn't mind trying to make my own pasta sauce this year. (Who the hell is typing this? Have I been possessed by Martha-freakin'-Stewart?)

If we're lucky, and believe me, it'll take a lot of luck, we'll cut our grocery bill. Our house will be a little greener for it as well - the garden will produce oxygen (remember photosynthesis in 3rd grade science?) and we'll make fewer trips to the grocery, using less gas.

I can't wait to get started, although I am a little nervous. To all the green-thumb garden wizards out there - have any advice for a novice gardener?

Parent Bloggers and SC Johnson (makers of Nature's Source cleaners) want to know how you're living more naturally now. Visit the blog blast and see how other bloggers are greening up their homes, too.

Our car was broken into last night.

Actually, broken into isn't quite the phrase. Nothing was broken. It seems that someone forgot to lock the car door - an extremely rare event with me, Queen of the Double-Checked Locks residing at this home - and on that particular night it just so happens that someone was walking through the neighborhood checking to make sure everyone locked their car doors.

Yeah, whatever. I don't think the odds of it happening were really all that low.

Truth is, I wouldn't be surprised if someone is walking through our neighborhood double checking door locks every single night. You'd think we lived in the wild west, and not a middle-class suburban subdivision. But this is becoming a way of life around here.

When we first moved here (we were the second completed house on our block), our car was broken into in that literal-smashed-window kind of way. Sort of a welcome to the neighborhood, if you will. We began leaving the front lights on all night to dissuade nocturnal visitors.

Then in 2006, just days before I went to my first Blogher conference, we came home late one afternoon to find our living room window smashed, our entire home rifled through, and everything of value gone. At that point we installed a security system and took extra care to keep everything under lock and key.

And now another car was looted. I'll be the first to admit that an unlocked car is just asking for someone to open the door, but in the hundreds of days our cars have sat in our driveway, only one night (to my knowledge) has the door been unlocked.

Thankfully, Aaron had recently cleaned the car (read: removed a lot of junk), so there was little of value to be found. Some spare change and a dead cell phone from 4 years ago is all they took we think. And extra thankfully, Aaron's iPod and wallet were not in the car. He occasionally forgets them, although I think this served as another wake up to check all locks and remove all valuables before exiting the vehicle. (See? I told you I was the Queen of double-checking locks.)

And while I am grateful little was taken, I'm again left feeling angry. Three thefts in four years. The people who do this give me little hope in mankind. Even though I know of so many good people who go out of their way to help others, I'm left to dwell on those who choose to steal from anyone they can, taking away what others have earned instead of earning it themselves.

But beyond the physical items, the greatest thing stolen was my own feeling of security. I'm left wondering if there is anywhere one can truly be safe anymore? I hate feeling like I can't hold tight enough to everything that matters to me because there are people waiting in the shadows to rip it all away the first moment I loosen my grip.

Call me a Pollyanna if you must, but why can't everyone just be good to each other?

(And now I must go double check all of the locks on the doors before going to bed.)

I never thought I
would say this, but I think I'm
liking exercise

Years of groaning at
silly aerobics workouts
have now been replaced

The change? Finding a
group for motivation and
the right exercise

Running hurts my knees
And most videos have a
way too perky gal

Jillian Michaels
is my new hero - she can
kick my ass anytime

I've always hated exercise. The sweat, the ache, the huffing and puffing, and did I mention the sweat? Yuck. Add silly workout instructors to the mix, or boring machines where you walk or pedal to nowhere, and I'd rather exercise my fingers on my computer keyboard than even think about marching in place or Jazzercise.

But I finally think I'm getting the hang of this. Blond, perky fitness models do nothing to inspire me, and weight lifting is far more interesting to me than stepping up and down on a step bench to nowhere. I need a trainer who is no nonsense. I also must have other people to share the ordeal with.

Aaron has been working out with me this month, and while I thought it would be awkward, it's actually very motivating to encourage each other to keep going. I'm also loving the support of the Shredheads group and my new Hot by BlogHer team.

In three weeks, I've lost weight, improved my cardio endurance, and I can see new muscle developing. And for once I feel that my body and I are working in unison. Here's hoping this new habit sticks.


To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What's a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON'T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will delete any links without haiku!

It's true, everyone does love an Irish girl

St. Patrick

Mira amazed, Cordy patiently waiting for someone to throw candy from a float

(that's our friend Mike playing the snare drum)

Yesterday I read a post by Liz at Mom101 that made me think back to the early days of when Mira was a newborn and Cordy was a wild, intense, temperamental 2.75 year old. Those first weeks were a complete blur of emotion and sleeplessness for me as I tried to adjust to meeting the needs of a new little person and her big sister, who was needy in different ways.

The thing that broke my heart when Mira was little was Cordy's complete lack of acknowledgment of her new sister. It was like Mira didn't exist to her. Of course, this was also pre-evaluation when Cordy didn't notice other kids most of the time either. I would sit on the couch, holding Mira and asking Cordy to come say hi to her new sister, only to have Cordy come say hi to me, not understanding this little wrapped up bundle in my arms was another human being.

Completely unaware of the other human being right next to her

It took months for Cordy to notice Mira, and all progress was tied directly to her progress in therapy in her preschool. As she ventured out of her internal world, the external world came into focus, and with that world her little sister, who desperately wanted the attention of this big kid in her space.

I remember when Cordy would run laps in the living room while Mira was in her exersaucer - as Cordy would come closer, Mira's face would brighten with a smile and her arms would wave wildly to get Cordy's attention. As Cordy ran past, Mira's smile would fade to a slightly confused, slightly down expression, realizing she hadn't been noticed. Repeat x 100.

I would cry at night, thinking this distance between my two girls would be permanent and Cordy's emotional distance would prevent them from ever being close.

If we don't make eye contact, she doesn't exist.

Ever so slowly, though, Cordy recognized Mira. She would hear Mira cry and say, "Mira's hungry!" Or hold Mira's hands and move her arms back and forth like she was a toy. I then caught her hugging Mira once. Then instead of eating Mira's snacks, she would feed one to Mira. For her part, Mira never gave up on Cordy, always initiating contact with the older girl who seemed unreachable at times.

But now. I can only say we've come a long, long way. Cordy still doesn't always understand that Mira has feelings too, but she recognizes Mira as her little sister and as a fellow person. I'll credit part of that to Cordy's therapy, part of it to typical kid behaviors and maturation, and part of it to Mira's insistence that Cordy WILL pay attention to her, dammit, even if she has to sit on her. They occasionally play together, and even if it is (usually) too rough, they both giggle until someone inevitably cries, and then they go back to wrestling and giggling again.

They are now sisters.

When it comes to bedtime, we've been fairly lucky. As a toddler, Cordy went to bed without complaint each night, happily chattering away to her stuffed animals in her crib until she fell asleep. Even now she rarely protests much.

When she does object to bedtime, it's usually expressed as some reason why she can't go to her bed. Now that the switch has been made to daylight savings time, the sun is still up when she goes to bed at 7pm, leading to protests of, "I can't go to bed - the sun is still awake!"

But really, going to bed is a minor problem. The real problem is keeping her in bed in the middle of the night. Her sleep pattern is very odd - she usually wants to go to bed around 7pm, then wakes around 11pm for a couple of hours. Around 1am she's snoozing again until 3 or 4am, when she's awake for another hour or so before dozing off and on until 7am or so.

The second wake-up is often the hardest, as it is close enough to morning that she sometimes wants to be up for the day, and will wander into our room. Cordy then stands right next to the bed and stares at me until I wake up.

Does anyone else have a child stare them awake? Is it not the creepiest thing you've ever experienced?

At this point Cordy will tell me "Mommy, it's a beautiful day!" with her biggest electric smile, as if that will somehow convince me to get out of bed at 4am. When Aaron and I try to explain that it's still night and she needs to go back to sleep, we can usually expect to hear "But I can't - my eyes are open!" or "I can't - I'm afraid of the dark!" She keeps her overhead light on half the night, so it's not like her room is dark.

Last night I groggily opened my eyes to see her running up to the bed, eyes wide and with a worried expression. I glanced at the clock, and still remember the glowing green light said 4:24 am.

"Mommy, I saw a ghost."

"Cordy, there are no ghosts. Go back to bed, it's still too early."

"I saw a ghost, mommy. I'm scared - can I get in bed with you?"

That was a first. She's never claimed to see a ghost before. I asked Aaron what he thought. Usually anytime she wants to get into bed with us, it involves a lot of kicking, squirming, and talking to herself. She never goes to sleep. We decided to let her into bed and see what happened.

For the first time, she actually fell asleep in our bed. And I'm not sure if that was better than the squirming and kicking, because while Aaron still had his entire side of the bed, Cordy pushed me to the edge, giving me about two inches of space. And she snored loudly.

At least one of us got some sleep.

Parent Bloggers and Sylvania are collecting stories of your kids' best excuses to avoid bedtime this weekend. If you share your story, you could win one of two Sylvania light packages!

Early evening
we look out the window to
see a visitor


Out of the woods a
deer jumped our fence to look for
a snack on this side.


Finding the grass was
no greener on our side, she
spied another choice.


I now understand
why the birdseed is going
fast - it's not the birds!

(Apologies for cloudy photos - I was snapping them behind a screen.)

One of the reasons we bought this house was because of the woods behind it. We love having the deer come by and visit. When we were the second house built, we'd see the deer nearly every day. But now that our entire development is finished, and the one behind us has cut down some of the woods, the deer are finding it harder to survive in this area.

However, every few weeks, I'll spy one or two poking their heads out of the woods as they move to the east, across a field to a nearby pond. In the coming years that field will be filled with large buildings, and the deer will again be forced from their environment. For now, I'll enjoy their visits, and let them have as much birdseed as they want.


To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What's a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON'T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will delete any links without haiku!

Potty training for Cordy has been an incredible success thus far. (Please, ye gods of fate, don't strike me down for that statement!) She's wearing underwear all day now, with only a pull-up for overnight. And we're only baking every 2-3 days now, although I'm slowly becoming immune to the siren song of fresh cupcakes in the kitchen. There have been zero accidents since I last posted.

Which of course means that it's Mira's turn to annoy the hell out of us in the bodily functions department.

Mira loves to undress. Save the jokes about her being popular when she's older - I've already heard them. And I really don't mind when she pulls her pants or top off at home - it's cute in that learning about dressing herself kinda way. (It took Cordy until four to figure out dressing herself!)

The big problem for us is that she now takes off her diaper, too, especially at night when she's in bed.

You can imagine the mess. Every. single. morning.

I've tried putting her in two piece outfits - she takes them off. I tried sleepers - she can work zippers. I tried one-piece outfits that snap between the legs - she figured out how to pop open the snaps. I tried pull-ups instead of diapers - she either figured out the "easy open sides" or pulled them down.

I can also stretch out necklines to escape

In other words, I have a non-potty trained nudist.

Short of sewing her into her clothing for bed each night, I'm at a loss as to how to keep her diaper on, and I'm tired of doing laundry quickly every morning before it's time for her nap.

Cordy was never interested in disrobing. Actually, she didn't care about clothing at all as a toddler - she wore whatever we put her in, and wore it until we chose to take it off. Finding myself facing off against a toddler who can master any clothing fastener is a new challenge for me.

I know I can't be alone in this - several of you probably have kids who are or were diapered nudists. How did you keep that diaper on, short of duct tape?

Bringing a whole new meaning to naked blogging.

The shred is working. Or, well, my entire combo of exercise is working.

I'm a shredhead, but I simply cannot keep up with doing the 30 day shred every day. The months leading up to this one were fairly sedentary, and as a result my endurance is lousy. So instead I'm doing that workout 2-3 times a week, and on alternate days I'm doing a 30 minute workout using My Fitness Coach.

Side note: I LOVE My Fitness Coach. After wishing for something a little more workout-like from my Wii Fit, I bought My Fitness Coach two weeks ago in the hopes it would provide a more solid exercise program. It has over 400 different combinations, so you're never doing the same workout twice.

The game has you begin with a Physical Challenge to see how fit you already are. Based on those results, it customizes a program for you, constantly adjusting to make sure you're working hard enough, but not too hard. (And no, I wasn't asked to promote the game - I paid $29.99 like everyone else.)

The game also asks you to do another Physical Challenge after every 10 workouts. Today was my day, but after a weekend of celebrating our anniversary with large meals and desserts, I wasn't expecting to see much in the way of results.

Instead, I was shocked.

I've lost three pounds in a week and a half. My heart rate is still too high for cardio, but my upper body and core strength have increased. I also track measurements, and my chest, waist and hips have lost more than half an inch each so far.

Seeing that small-yet-not-insignificant progress is awesome motivation. My knees may hurt, and I may complain most days that I don't want to exercise, but in less than two weeks I'm already seeing results.

And speaking of motivation, I'm happy to announce that Hot by Blogher is now officially up and running! Ready to join your fellow bloggers, banding together to look and feel your best before making that trip to Chicago in July?

You may still see some cosmetic changes to the site, but the welcome post, explaining how the site will work, is available for those who want to get started. (Just like this blog, if I had charged by the hour for my design services, it would be a very expensive design.)

Look for the first weekly challenge on Monday!

Over the weekend, Aaron and I left Columbus to celebrate our 6th anniversary. It's still a little odd for me to think that only six years ago, Cordy wasn't even a concept in our heads yet. Of course, six years ago I never thought any of what I'm doing now - blogging, nursing school - would be in my life.

Six years didn't have quite the impact that five did, probably because our sixth year of marriage was one of those years we'd like to quietly forget. Job loss, no health insurance, relationship issues and marriage therapy clouded much of the year. But we're still together, we're relatively healthy, and we're doing our best to hold everything together - that's our silver lining.

The best part of getting out of town was leaving the kids with Camp Grandma. We spent most of the weekend chatting with friends that we rarely get to see due to distance and busy lives. On Saturday evening, after a day of relaxing with friends, the two of us left for dinner at a nice restaurant.

It was during dinner that Aaron told me, "We need to do this more often, get away without the kids."

I smiled and said, "Well, that would certainly be nice..."

He then said, "I was watching you today while you talked with friends, and you looked five years younger."

I laughed. "It must have been the light."

"No, really. You looked so much younger again."

It seems that a single afternoon with a large group of friends, no children, and no immediate stress somehow subtracted five years from my face. I can't prove this, of course, but he was certain of it.

I'd like to believe I did look younger. I often miss the "old" me, the me who isn't spending all her time worrying about doing everything right for her kids, making sure all the bills are paid, and trying to balance the checkbook. I hate the person I am at the end of the day, when my eyes are dull and bloodshot, and the bags under my eyes have bags of their own. When I'm short with Cordy and Mira, grumpy around Aaron, and wishing I could get five minutes - just FIVE minutes - to myself, without someone needing something or a child sitting in my lap.

If the fountain of youth is an escape from what stresses you, I know I will never have eternal youth. Because no matter how much I might want it, my children need me here and not at that fountain. I can't avoid paying the bills, and the checking account won't replenish itself.

But I will enjoy those brief moments pausing at that fountain, if only to take a sip and renew my spirit for a little while.

Remember this post?
Well, things have now changed and I'm
not happy at all.

I've been switched to a
med-surg floor for adults with
no explanation.

Adult nursing is
fine, but it's not at all what
I want for a job.

Without specific
experience, a NICU
job is hard to get.

I really hate writing two downer posts in a row, but ever since I read the e-mail from the instructor who handles clinical assignments, it's all I can focus on. One month ago she told me I had a special care nursery preceptor, and now she says that it's not available and so she automatically stuck me with a general med-surg preceptor.

I hate to complain, but somehow I've drawn the short straw for nearly all of my clinical experiences while others had great locations. I can't even describe this quarter's experience - no one wants to hear something that gross.

I was looking forward to my final quarter. Now I'm dreading it and wondering how I'll find a NICU nursing position when students from other schools who want the same thing will likely have more experience in the area.


To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What's a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON'T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will delete any links without haiku!

There are some days that no matter how hard I try to shake it, I can't get over feeling grumpy. Today? One of those days for sure.

First, it was pretty much confirmed for me today that Aaron's contract job is gone. On Sunday he found out that the contract ended two days before. Last week he was told the contract had been extended into April. But the company changed its mind and told his manager on Friday that they were shutting down the (still not complete) project.

This abrupt ending has me frazzled as I now need to reassess our finances and go back to full-out survival mode on an unemployment check income. I've been building a cushion with the income we've had the past few months, so I'm not freaking out with worry, but throwing off my financial plans makes me...grumpy.

And then in the mail today, I received a change of terms from our credit card company. You may have heard about American Express offering some clients $300 to close their accounts, or other credit card companies handing out gift cards in exchange for paying off accounts and closing them? Well, this company (*cough*CapitalOne*cough*) decided to go a different, less friendly, route to shore up its financial situation by raising the interest rate on our always-current, long-standing account from a fixed 8.9% to 17.9%!

The letter even explains that we've done nothing wrong - the only reason for the change is "extraordinary changes in the economic environment." We may not have any income, but we do still have excellent credit, so seeing our interest rate nearly double on a balance that I now cannot wait to pay off entirely makes me...grumpy.

Tonight I'm going to take my frustrations out by doing the 30 day shred again. It's better than spooning my way to the bottom of a pint of Ben & Jerry's.

In the meantime, if you've got a link to something funny, I'm really looking for a little humor right now.

Grumpy.

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Edit: I'm still looking for laughs, but I did remember one thing that always cheers me up. This guy never gets old.

I stepped on the scale for the first time in months, and the number made me wonder if gnomes were secretly feeding me lard while I slept. How did I gain ten pounds?

As you know, in January I tried the Jillian Michaels: 30-Day Shred DVD, and the first attempt left me so crumpled and sore that I couldn't even roll over in bed without wincing for nearly a week. I seriously wondered if only insane people did this workout, because me? I'm no good at it.

It took over a week before I attempted the DVD again. But I did eventually dig out the disc from behind the TV (where I threw it while cursing Jillian Michaels' name) and gave it another go. Surprisingly, I didn't feel so bad afterward. I was sore the next day, but it wasn't the same kind of crippling soreness I had before. Maybe I can do this after all?

Seeing the number on the scale now motivates me even more to jump back on that water- and vegetable-filled wagon. After all, I don't want to pop a seam in my Spanx at BlogHer this year.

(Oh yeah, if you didn't already know - I'm now registered for BlogHer 09!)

To aid in motivation, I'm bringing back Hot by BlogHer, but it's going to be BIGGER! and BETTER! with group challenges and its own blog and maybe giveaways. Expect to see more info on it by next week, and start thinking of what you want to look like by July.

Also, since I'm already doing "the shred" once a week, it makes sense for me to join in with Kristen's Shredheads group. They're doing the 30 Day Shred for all of March. While I'm only going to be a part-timer, I'm still all about sharing in the support and motivation.

Here is the data that I need to provide to be a shredhead:

Code Name: Spanx Mama

Before pictures: I value my readers too much to post my before photos here. Springing that visual on you without proper warning would surely lead to mass unsubscribing. But if you really want to see, look here and here. (Remember, I warned you!)

Tag Line: Hot by Blogher, baby!

Weight: Here's what the scale said last night.


Remember the camera adds a few pounds. In this case, it really does add two - I was holding the camera while weighing in.

Goal: Increase my endurance, have more muscle definition, lose weight, and look great in a cocktail dress at BlogHer.

Diet Plan: Less intake, better intake. I'm already eating between 1600-2000 calories a day, and trying to cut back on high fat and high sugar foods and substitute more veggies and lean proteins.

Personal Rules: No freaking out if I eat a big meal, no defeatest attitude, substitute more water in place of diet soda.

Shred Plan: I'm a part-timer, doing it once a week on Level 1 at the moment. I might bump it up to twice a week soon. I'm already doing a different 30 min. workout four times a week also.

You can join up at Kristen's site, I'll Stop the World and Shred With You. And if you're interested in Hot by BlogHer, check back here next week!