My blogging has been a little sparse of late. And it’s not for a lack of material, but for lack of concentrated focus, blurred by a dark cloud hanging over my head. It’s not the traditional depression I’ve faced in the past, but a sort of winter hibernation – an unwillingness to do little more than crack an eye open at the world going past as I pull inward, regroup, and hope for spring to get here soon.
Aaron’s job is going well, thank goodness. He likes the work, they appear to like him, and he has high hopes that come April he will be brought on as a permanent member of the team. The only downside is it has put more stress on our schedule, forcing us to shuffle the kids around between the two of us depending on the day, and making it impossible for us to spend a lot of quality time together as we maximize our distance to reduce our babysitting bill.
My own job has left me feeling some anxiety as of late. There are questions if the birth center at this small hospital will remain open beyond this year due to a budget so far in the red it may be impossible to dig out. Beyond that, I still don’t feel like I have a good handle on the job, and while I have many incredibly talented coworkers, I worry there isn’t enough experience between us should a true emergency walk in the door. I’m in a constant state of tired, too, leaving me wishing for the happier days of part-time work.
Cordy has been showing some improvement with the medication from her clinical research study. She’ll now sit at the table to color or work in a workbook for extended periods of time. And she’s reading and writing now! (Photos of her first works of art/writing to come as soon as I can get them scanned.)
Mira’s ability to be understood grows each week, although her weekly speech therapy bill is growing just as fast. I’m thankful to have health insurance, but it’s not a lot of help at first with a high deductible. Glad to know I’m paying $250 a month so I can continue to pay for the $100 therapy bills for Mira. Health care reform, anyone? But despite her speech issues, she’s just as impish as ever. She doesn’t need to be understood to still be capable of tormenting her big sister and pulling some of the greatest two-year-old bipolar moments I’ve ever seen.
I don’t think this down feeling will last forever. We’ll find our stride as a family again soon, and I’ll claw my way back to balance and back to happiness – something I remember I said would be my goal for 2010.
And despite my silence here, I’ve been quietly blogging updates on other side projects. I have new posts up at Ohio Moms Blog, and I started a new weight-loss blog. Remember Hot By BlogHer? Well, now it’s morphed into a more general, free-of-firm-deadlines, weight-loss blog, Losing My Hind. I’m also still doing a few reviews on Mommy’s Must Haves, where right now I have a fabulous giveaway for meat lovers.
So unlike bears in the wild, feel free to poke this sleeping mama-bear, and maybe she’ll force herself out of hibernation and back into the sunshine of the social world. Because it’s when I’m quiet and simply peeking at all of the world around me that I notice just how much I need my social network.