Missing: One Blogger’s Personality. Reward If Found.

So, um…yeah.

I’ve had several posts about the kids lately, but what about me?

Hmmm…yeah, what about me?

Truth is, I’ve been stumbling through every day, thinking only as far ahead as the next time I get to sleep and generally not much further than that. When times get tough, I tend to retreat inwards and shell-up, and while times aren’t exactly tough at the moment, my turtle senses apparently have been activated.

I can’t write about work. The nature of my work prevents me from sharing much about it, other than to say I really do enjoy it and have talked to some amazing new parents on the phone. I’ve done a lot of reassuring and a lot of educating, and I hope my words will help these parents find confidence in their own abilities to care for their newborns.

Other than work, my life is kind of lacking at the moment. My spare time is spent sleeping and spending a little time with my family while downing Pepsi Max to keep me awake. Aaron is still unemployed, so I also help him job hunt. When I have time to sit down, I’m zoning out to Netflix or knitting or just reading along with conversations on Twitter and Facebook, unable to find anything to add to the conversation.

How did I become so boring? I don’t even find myself interesting at the moment, so why in the world would I expect you to find me so?

I don’t think I’m depressed – I think I’m just short on time and energy. And I know that lack of time and energy affects my friendships, both online and in person. I’ve yet to figure out how to have it all and do it all, and admire those I know that make it look effortless. I can’t even handle working full-time and remembering to feed the kids – how do others manage to work, keep a clean house, take care of kids AND nurture all of the relationships around them?

Blogging is all about making connections, and I’ve started to feel like my limited availablity has strained some of those connections. Honestly, how hard is it to write a damn e-mail to say hi to people now and then? Surely I can do that much, right? I’ll be at BlogHer, though, and I’m determined to renew some of those connections and friendships, even if it means taking the big step of admitting I’m a lousy friend and apologizing for all of the internet silence of late.

Actually, I’m hoping that while at BlogHer I’ll find the real Christina again. I think she got left behind at BlogHer in Chicago last year, and I’m hoping that she’s resourceful enough to find her way to New York City by early August. I’m not expecting to find her at any private parties or swag suites - after all, this blog’s market value has fallen faster than California real estate prices – but I do expect to find her talking and listening and hugging old friends and greeting new ones and learning from others and sharing what little she knows to benefit others and running with women who helped motivate her to be better and simply enjoying the people she’s surrounded by. (Including way more than I have time to even link here.)

If you see the real me at BlogHer, be sure to say hi to her. I guarantee she’ll be more interesting than this poor excuse for a post. And then remind her that despite all of the challenges of work and family, her ability to craft a good story and be a friend to those around her is desperately needed at home.

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  1. Absolutely no need to apologize. Sometimes real life gets in the way of…well, of real life. I can’t wait to see you in New York!!

  2. I will say hi to her AND give her a big hug. Love your banner!

  3. Blog design looks terrific! I could have written this, but my blogging silence has been by choice. The one thing that’s cool about blogging is that we’re all busy with life and it’s usually pretty easy to pick up where you left off when you make contact again. See you at the 5K! :-)

  4. Meg @sleepynewmommy says:

    I understand exactly what you’re saying, as I’ve been suffering through it as well. I feel that since everything in my life is up in the air that I have nothing concrete to really talk about.

    I love the emphasis you put on connections. I feel that I have let those slip as well and want to reconnect. However, I won’t get to make BlogHer this year so I won’t get to help you find your old self!

    And don’t apologize for life getting in the way. We’re still here when you feel like writing!

  5. Momo Fali says:

    I am right there with you. I didn’t even know that a good on-line friend was pregnant or that my best IRL friend’s mom had surgery. I feel lost sometimes and am also looking forward to finding myself again.

  6. I don’t think you have to explain yourself – “nurse with 2 young kids” pretty much takes care of that.

    Hope to see you at BH

  7. I’ll be looking for you at BlogHer! How about if YOU get the reward for finding that blogger!!

  8. Rachael says:

    Wish I’d be seeing you at BlogHer, but it’s not my year. I do LOVE your new header though!

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