My blogging has been a little sparse of late. And it's not for a lack of material, but for lack of concentrated focus, blurred by a dark cloud hanging over my head. It's not the traditional depression I've faced in the past, but a sort of winter hibernation - an unwillingness to do little more than crack an eye open at the world going past as I pull inward, regroup, and hope for spring to get here soon.

Aaron's job is going well, thank goodness. He likes the work, they appear to like him, and he has high hopes that come April he will be brought on as a permanent member of the team. The only downside is it has put more stress on our schedule, forcing us to shuffle the kids around between the two of us depending on the day, and making it impossible for us to spend a lot of quality time together as we maximize our distance to reduce our babysitting bill.

My own job has left me feeling some anxiety as of late. There are questions if the birth center at this small hospital will remain open beyond this year due to a budget so far in the red it may be impossible to dig out. Beyond that, I still don't feel like I have a good handle on the job, and while I have many incredibly talented coworkers, I worry there isn't enough experience between us should a true emergency walk in the door. I'm in a constant state of tired, too, leaving me wishing for the happier days of part-time work.

Cordy has been showing some improvement with the medication from her clinical research study. She'll now sit at the table to color or work in a workbook for extended periods of time. And she's reading and writing now! (Photos of her first works of art/writing to come as soon as I can get them scanned.)

Mira's ability to be understood grows each week, although her weekly speech therapy bill is growing just as fast. I'm thankful to have health insurance, but it's not a lot of help at first with a high deductible. Glad to know I'm paying $250 a month so I can continue to pay for the $100 therapy bills for Mira. Health care reform, anyone? But despite her speech issues, she's just as impish as ever. She doesn't need to be understood to still be capable of tormenting her big sister and pulling some of the greatest two-year-old bipolar moments I've ever seen.

I don't think this down feeling will last forever. We'll find our stride as a family again soon, and I'll claw my way back to balance and back to happiness - something I remember I said would be my goal for 2010.

And despite my silence here, I've been quietly blogging updates on other side projects. I have new posts up at Ohio Moms Blog, and I started a new weight-loss blog. Remember Hot By BlogHer? Well, now it's morphed into a more general, free-of-firm-deadlines, weight-loss blog, Losing My Hind. I'm also still doing a few reviews on Mommy's Must Haves, where right now I have a fabulous giveaway for meat lovers.

So unlike bears in the wild, feel free to poke this sleeping mama-bear, and maybe she'll force herself out of hibernation and back into the sunshine of the social world. Because it's when I'm quiet and simply peeking at all of the world around me that I notice just how much I need my social network.

8 inches of new snow on top of 8 inches of old snow:

Why yes, those chairs are half-buried in snow!

Plus drifting and blowing and probably another 2-3 inches tonight:

Buried under that snow is a double-layer brick ring around the closest tree.

Combined with stir-crazy children and another snow day tomorrow - the only day off for some time to come that should have been child-free - and I'm starting to feel a little like this:

Heeere's Johnny!

(The Shining, for you heathens who don't know classic Stephen King)

If you find me laying in a snow drift tomorrow, at least you'll understand why.

PS - In case I didn't make it clear, I hate this snow. Bring on springtime.

So last week was filled with a road-trip to Nashville for the Blissdom conference at the Gaylord Opryland Hotel. Not only did this mean getting to catch up with so many bloggers I know and love, many of whom I consider friends, but it also meant several days away from work, bills, and the crippling stress I've been feeling lately. In other words: I desperately needed this trip.

First: the location was beautiful. The Opryland Hotel is too amazing to be believed. There is an indoor river, people. AN INDOOR RIVER. It's like Las Vegas in Tennessee. And the conference had a lot of great perks, including a private concert by Harry Connick Jr. on Friday night.

There was also the unexpected perk(?) of the National Tea Party Conference also being held at the hotel that weekend, including a guest appearance by Sarah Palin. Despite my having vastly different political views from the tea party attendees, watching Catherine (Her Bad Mother) discuss political science with men dressed as George Washington and Paul Revere was worth the entire trip. (Drunk on glory, Catherine!)

I didn't approach Blissdom this year like I've approached past blogging conferences. While I still cared about what I wore, I wasn't frantically rush-ordering new business cards or thinking about what kind of swag I could give out to be noticed. My game plan for Blissdom was simple: have fun with friends, maybe meet some new friends, and learn more about blogging and/or myself.

I succeeded in my plan.

I laughed more in that half-week than I have in probably a month or more. I filled my days with friends and fun. After four years of knowing her online-only, I finally had the chance to hug Amy, aka Mrs. Chicken, in person. And in meeting her, I was relieved that she was everything and more that I expected her to be. Spending time with her was like visiting with an old friend, because at this point she is an old friend.

At past conferences, I was often more aggressive at seeking out new people and "networking" to build my blog presence. However, I'm burned out on networking for the goal of building a brand or blog audience or popularity or whatever is the current buzz word of the moment.

So I took a more laid back approach. I was happy to fall into conversations when it was natural. I loved being introduced to women that my friends already knew - in every case, I saw why my friends liked them and found myself liking these women in return. But I felt no need to force myself into a conversation, and most of the time I forgot to even give anyone my card unless they gave me theirs first.

(Also? I used up the few leftover business cards I brought with me. I will have to get more for the next conference.)

As for learning more about blogging? I did a little of that, too. While I was tempted to go to sessions on monetizing your blog and growing your readership, I instead decided to stick with the basics of how to write a good story and how to let my voice come through my writing. I think I've been fairly good at those in the past, but of late my story has been getting lost. I want to find that story again, somewhere in the fog of working night shifts and sleepless days. My own days aren't coherent, and as a result my story is disjointed and fractured as well. I think finding my story again will go a long way towards my 2010 resolution/goal/whatever of finding happiness again.

Oh, and I also learned that I can get up the nerve to sing karaoke without a single drop of alcohol in me in front of a room full of women I adore and admire. That took a whole new level of bravery, but I'll say I had a lot of fun and will likely do it again. (Thanks, Casey, for helping me get up the nerve to do it, and Mishi and Heather for joining me on stage!)

After the disillusionment I felt after BlogHer last year, I'm now looking forward to BlogHer 10. Blissdom, this smaller conference that reminded me a lot of BlogHer 06, helped me throw away all of the stress of jockeying for position with my blog and simply enjoy the community and friendships I've made along the journey thus far.

Blissdom was truly bliss.

Photo by Heather, Domestic Extraordinaire