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May 15, 2012

Setting Up A Token System

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In the past week I’ve described the token system we use for chores and good behavior for the kids to three different people, so I thought why not share it with everyone? We don’t give an allowance weekly at this point because neither of our girls have a strong enough grasp of money, and because many of the things they want aren’t things at all but privileges that have little to no cost to us.

We reward Cordy and Mira for good behavior and for helping around the house with doubloons. The idea was originally given to us by one of Cordy’s therapists, suggesting a token system can work well for kids with high-functioning autism, as they can see a concrete reward for tasks they accomplish and then use those tokens to “purchase” the perks they want.

The idea for using doubloons came from Jake and the Neverland Pirates last fall. Cordy saw it on TV and loved how the pirates collected doubloons for solving problems throughout the show. At the same time, Cordy was obsessed with dressing as a pirate princess for Halloween. Aaron realized that would be the perfect token system, so he bought a big bag of plastic gold coins, grabbed a mug for each kid (from our renaissance festival days) and we started to plan the system.

I think they’re Greek coins instead of pirate doubloons. Eh, they don’t know the difference.

You can make the system as loose or rigid as you like. We’re somewhere in-between. There are daily tasks that they know they earn doubloons for – these are often tasks that they have trouble remembering to do, or are difficult things we want them to master.

For example, Cordy has trouble remembering to turn off her bedroom light each morning. She gets one doubloon for remembering to do it each morning. She also has to take a pill each morning, which she doesn’t like to do, so she gets a doubloon for doing that, too.

When the task can be done without reminder and without the need for a reward, we phase out the doubloon reward and find other routine tasks to reward for. They get doubloons for helping Aaron or I without complaining (like helping us load/unload the dishwasher or take out the recycling) and for assigned chores that they complete.

We also award them doubloons for good behavior. If they’re playing well together, or if they spontaneously do something helpful, they can get bonus doubloons. 

They keep their coins in the mugs and then use them to buy privileges. Some of the privileges they can choose from:

  • Extra 20 min on the computer/iPad – 1 coin
  • A treat of 1 piece of candy – 3 coins
  • Staying up an extra 30 min after normal bedtime – 5 coins
  • Getting fast food for dinner – 5 coins
  • A trip out to the zoo or another fun place (if we didn’t already plan for it & time allowing) – 10 coins

Of course, anything that Aaron or I decide to offer to them doesn’t cost anything. If we plan to go to the zoo one Saturday, they aren’t required to pay. If they want something that isn’t on our list, we can assign a doubloon value to it. Mira once wanted a Happy Napper toy, but she had no money. We set a value of 20 doubloons for it, and she saved her coins until she could cash them in to buy her toy.

We like using this system at the moment because the coins have no actual money value (other than the few dollars it cost to buy the bag of them), so they can use them for non-money privileges like extra computer time or staying up late. Many times these privileges are just as valuable to them as anything they could buy. When they’re older we can move to an allowance instead of tokens, but at this age it works very well.

The system works well because it is flexible and can be adapted for nearly any family. You can set your own guidelines on how tokens are earned and cashed in, and you can adjust the rewards and tasks that earn tokens as a child grows and masters new skills. It’s a fun system that lets kids earn their privileges and gives parents a chance to set non-monetary rewards for good behavior. Win-win.

Filed Under: Cordy, daily life, Mira, money ·


May 11, 2012

We (Don’t) Wear Short Shorts

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Now that the weather is warmer and my children have proven they’ve grown just enough over the winter to no longer fit in last summer’s clothing, it’s time for my annual disgust at clothing for girls. And really, it focuses on just one item: shorts.

I’ll begin by saying my girls are not the dainty flowers who never show a drop of sweat. Oh no, they’re hot, sweaty creatures who come home from summer camp each day with their sweaty hair matted to their heads. So shorts are kind of a necessary item to help keep them cool.

My problem with girls’ shorts is in the length. Nearly all shorts for girls have an inseam somewhere between barely reaching the top of the thigh and indecent. Those that are slightly longer often have leg openings so wide that they might as well be loose mini-skirts, or are skin-tight bike shorts.

 I love the fabric of these Children’s Place shorts, but that inseam is WAY shorter than you might think!

Cordy and Mira are seven and nearly-five. (Mira won’t let me forget her birthday is coming up in a few weeks.) They are not lady-like in any way. When they wear dresses, we must pair them with bike shorts or leggings, and probably will continue doing so until they’re older. Like maybe eighteen.

I don’t want people seeing my children’s underwear. I want them to have shorts of a reasonable length that they can play in comfortably without fear of someone seeing a flash of Disney Princesses or Dora underneath. Is that really so much to ask for?

No. Way.

Apparently it is. In my search for shorts this season, I’ve come across very few options. When I do find “bermuda” shorts (which fit the length requirements, even though some manufacturers apparently go too far and make these nearly capris), they’re often out-of-stock so quickly that I missed out on the sizes we need. I guess I’m not the only parent looking for longer shorts.

Target had some great longer shorts last year and I bought as many as I could at the time, even buying a few a size up for Cordy. We’re using the larger size shorts now, but we still need more thanks to a kid who is hard on clothing. They have a new bermuda design this year, but the fabric is even heavier and the waistband is very thick – I bought a couple of them to try, but the fit isn’t nearly as good as the previous ones.

Thick fabric (waist tie isn’t real thank goodness), almost knee length, but otherwise not too bad.

All I’m asking for is a reasonably priced pair of knit shorts with an elastic waist (Cordy can’t work zippers or buttons, and yes, we’re working on it.) with a length that falls somewhere mid-thigh with a straight leg or slightly tapered shape to them.

Maybe it’s time to start shopping in the boys’ section?

Filed Under: Cordy, daily life, growing up, Mira, pop culture ·


May 10, 2012

Scale Happiness

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So this happened over the weekend:

Yikes, my scale looks filthy on camera!

Excitement? Yep, I was pretty damn happy. The first time in my adult life being under 160lbs – probably the first time I’ve been under 160 since I was 15 years old. A mere 1.8lbs away from the goal weight I set for myself when I weighed 212lbs and more.

However, I know my body too well. It couldn’t last, and two days later I was back to 161. Still…I saw it. I have proof it happened. Which means I can make it happen again.

If I charted out daily weights for myself, you’d see a lot of little ups and downs. Of course, the valleys have been greater than the peaks, leading to the overall downward trend, but I never let a single weigh-in be the concrete number that I’ll believe in.

I’m frustrated that my weight popped right back up after that short, celebratory scale reading. (I stepped on the scale three times that morning to make sure it wasn’t an error on the scale.) That frustration has turned into determination to see this through to the end and reach my goal.

So yeah, I’m thrilled at seeing 159.8. And I’m looking forward to seeing it again – and numbers lower than it – very soon.

Filed Under: motivation, photographic evidence, weigh-in · Tagged:


May 8, 2012

Happy IEP Surprises

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Yesterday we got to spend an hour in an IEP transition meeting. While any type of meeting tied to an IEP would cause me an incredible amount of stress, this was Mira’s transition meeting for kindergarten and we already had the heads up from her teacher that they were planning to discharge her from any additional support.

We knew this was going to happen and we were in total agreement. Mira entered special needs preschool two years ago because of a speech delay known as speech apraxia. She had great verbal comprehension, but her annunciation was extremely poor, to the point that no one could understand a word she said. Even as her parents, we could only interpret about 25% of what she said. When she was first evaluated, they also noticed some weakness in gross motor skills, but otherwise she was a typically developing toddler. (Read: no autism.)

Years of speech therapy made a huge difference for Mira, and now she’s understood most of the time. So we weren’t going to argue that she was ready for kindergarten without any need for support. But we still had to sit through the meeting to review the final assessment from her team.

Most of it was what we expected. She still has some sound substitutions when she speaks, but there’s no consistency to when she does it and she didn’t come close to the threshold for still needing services. Her verbal comprehension score was the highest the speech therapist had ever seen, so we know that’s still going well.

Her occupational therapist said she had great fine motor control, better than many kids her age, as long as you exclude her weird pencil grip. Continuing a long family tradition, she doesn’t hold her pencil properly, and her odd grip is different from any other odd grip in our family. (And all four of us hold a pencil differently, with all four ways being wrong. Ah well, thank goodness for typing!)

The physical therapist told us that Mira has improved in her balance and coordination, but still has issues. She seems to have weak ankles and continues to be plagued by invisible gremlins tripping her all the time. The kid can fall down walking across a smooth, even floor. It’s possible she just has poor motor planning – or her brain is acting faster than her muscles can keep up with. Either way, she recommended Mira get more involved in physical activities to help with her balance and coordination, but that she scored high enough to no longer need their help.

The big shock came from the school psychologist. A standard part of the evaluation is a test of cognitive ability – in other words, an IQ test. She told us that Mira took a long time to complete the test, not due to any problems, but because they have to keep going in each section until she missed too many to continue.

Although apparently she took the test while wandering the room, putting her head down, resting her feet on the table, and generally wiggling all over the place. She had to bribe Mira with candy to get her to sit still, but admitted that Mira answered the questions just fine while moving all around.

I expected Mira’s results to be on the high end of average, or maybe even slightly outside of average. Her teachers have praised how well she does in preschool, and we know she’s a bright kid.

The psychologist covered up Mira’s scores with a piece of paper and uncovered them slowly, one at a time. This confused me – why the big reveal as if we’re on a game show? And let’s reveal the number in the next column…

Mira’s scores were amazing. She scored in the 99th percentile in all areas, or as interpreted by the psychologist: highly gifted. She was answering questions rated for kids over 8 years old. As she went through the data, it didn’t feel real to me. A day later, it’s finally sinking in.

I’m not trying to brag, although I’m super proud of her. The results caught me by surprise; I think I laughed out loud when she explained the scores to us. I’ve always thought of Mira as a smart little girl, but gifted? Apparently I was underestimating her. And like her sister, she doesn’t like to show what she knows to us until she feels she’s mastered it.

So the team recommended she no longer receive services for special needs, but did recommend that once she starts kindergarten we meet early with her teacher to discuss how to deal with her. She’s high energy and can’t sit still, needing a lot of extra work to keep her mind engaged. She’s a motor mouth and bossy, even to adults. (She thinks she knows it all.) If she is corrected or told she made a mistake – even the slightest correction – she breaks into tears and doesn’t want to continue what she’s doing.

But she’s also helpful, cheery, and loves to learn. She makes friends easily and is a master of social interaction. Her teachers adore her and love her enthusiasm in class.

We left the meeting happily surprised and confident that she’s ready to tackle kindergarten as a typical student. She may be gifted, but there are no supports for that at her age, so we’ll rely on working with her teacher next year to make sure she’s properly challenged at school and at home. 

And yeah, we’re probably doomed.
Filed Under: Mira, school ·


May 4, 2012

Multi-tasking: Declutter AND Earn Cash

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At the beginning of March, I had a grand idea to get the house cleaned up, get rid of a bunch of stuff we couldn’t/didn’t use anymore, and make this place feel all the larger for it.

Yeah, so, then I quickly got a new job and found myself busy again. Whoops.

Of course, I’m about as happy as someone could possibly be with my job, so there’s no complaining about work taking me away from my side projects. But I would like to start shifting some of my free time back to those to-do lists I created two months ago.

 The guest room pile o’ stuff that needs sorted and (most of it) removed.

To go along with that idea, this is also the season where money gets tight. Mira’s birthday (and birthday party) is at the end of this month. Aaron, my mother and I all have birthdays in June. And of course summer camp costs are hanging over us, reminding me why we don’t pay for private school during the school year.

So I’m combining tasks to get rid of things and hopefully get a little extra money in the process. I do not have the patience for a garage sale; when we’ve done them in the past, I just got angry at how little people were offering for already freakishly cheap stuff. I’m also not a fan of Craigslist because I get nervous about having people show up at my house if I might be the only one at home.

In Columbus, we have several used clothing and home goods stores that accept gently used products and pay out cash for them. In other cities, consignment stores might be the way to go. I prefer the cash on the spot places because I don’t want to risk the items coming back to my house, and don’t want to wait forever to find out if they sold or not.

I’m fairly experienced at turning some of our old junk into money, so I thought I’d share my strategy for getting a little extra cash in exchange for freeing my house of junk, just in case you ever thought about trying it yourself:

1. Sort the stuff you don’t want. Anything in good condition – free of stains and tears, no missing parts, and no serious signs of wear – goes in one pile. Anything beyond use is immediately thrown away. Everything else gets itemized and boxed up for a donation to Goodwill.

Remember: donations are still money for you, even if it takes awhile. If you keep track of what you donate and get a receipt, you can use it for a deduction on your taxes.

2. Polish up all of those items in your good condition pile. A few minutes of ironing, dusting, and wiping down your items can increase your chances of it being accepted and possibly even increase how much you’re offered for it. Any clothing should be clean, folded and free of lint or pet hair. Anything with accessories or extra parts should have the parts bundled together to keep them from getting lost. Check the requirements for the store you’re going to – some won’t accept items in boxes or bags and request fabric bins or plastic baskets.

3. Drop off your items. At the stores here in Columbus, you can wait in-store or stop back later in the day or the next day to see the results. You’ll probably have to sign an agreement for them to look over your items and free them from any liability should anything happen to your items while they’re looking them over. It’s mostly just a formality – any reputable place will keep your items behind the counter or within eyesight to keep others from picking through your goods.

Depending on how many others have dropped off items before you, there may be a wait to get your stuff evaluated. You’ll likely be given a receipt or some other way to link you to your stuff so there’s no confusion.

4. Get your offer. The stores I’ve gone to will separate the items they’d like to buy in a different basket. They show you the items and give you a total for what they’d like to buy. If you have questions about how much they’re offering for any single item, just ask. If you’re content with the offer, you’ll sign an acceptance form and be given your cash. If you’re at an consignment store, you’ll be shown which items they want to display in the store – you won’t get any money until an item sells.

Note: Don’t expect a lot of money. It’ll be better than a yard sale offering, but probably less than Craigslist. Usually you’ll get anywhere from 1/6 to 1/10 the original price of the item. But you also don’t have to write up an ad for each item, take photos of it, or sit out in your garage in the heat all day while someone asks you if you have change for a $20 so they can buy your Jonas Brothers CD for ten cents.

5. Take the unwanted stuff and immediately get rid of it. There will probably be some things that the store doesn’t want. There are lots of reasons for this – out of season, no demand, they already have five of them etc. Don’t fall into the trap of taking it back home and letting it sit around more – grab a bag or a box, make a list of the items and then drop it off at Goodwill or another charity organization. You didn’t want it in the first place, right? Then why take it back home to clutter up your house again? Get rid of it, get your charity receipt, and plan to add it to your tax deductions next January.

I’ve used this routine several times to get rid of kid clothing that both girls have outgrown. Just last week I dropped off a basket of clothing, a few DVDs the girls no longer watch, and some baby board books to Once Upon A Child (one of the kid resale shops here) and received $51 for it.

I only put an hour of work into cleaning out drawers, sorting and selecting items – not a bad return on my time, and that’s another basket’s worth of stuff out of our house!

In the next week, my goal is to begin cleaning out my closet and getting rid of all of the clothing that no longer fits me. I have several nice dresses, blouses and dress pants that might earn a little money, and I’ll be thankful to have more hangers available for the clothing I DO wear!

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Filed Under: daily life, domestic zero, money ·