Archives for February 2012

Blissdom 2012: A New Perspective Changes Everything

Never did I need a weekend away from my normal life as I did this past weekend. As I sat down on the plane going to Nashville (for Blissdom) I pondered what I hoped to get from the next four days. Of course I wanted to catch up with friends I haven’t seen in months. I also wanted a break from kids and work to focus on myself a little and maybe even have some fun. I was open to meeting new bloggers and discovering like-minded souls. And I was hoping that somehow, something or someone would speak to my heart and mind to help me find new direction in my life.

Folks, I’m happy to report: I got it all.

To begin, it’s hard to be unhappy when you’re in the Gaylord Opryland. It’s a giant structure that can best be described as a city under a Bio-Dome. The weather is always perfect, the trees are always green, the flowers are always blooming, and the river (yes, there’s an indoor river) is always crystal clear.

The view from my hotel room window and yes, it’s all indoors.

There was some whining on my part during the conference. After all, I was having one big pity party for myself over being out of work soon. But that’s where good friends stepped in, reminding me of my talents and distracting me from dwelling on the unpleasant. They engaged me in long conversations, had me gasping for air from laughter, kept me company when I was feeling down, and fed me delicious homemade brownies that would make you cry tears of joy. (Really, Michelle, they were incredible.) The conference was a beautiful excuse to spend time with friends that are normally separated by thousands of miles.

The opening keynote by Jon Acuff was one of those lightbulb moments you hear people talk about. His talk was about closing the gap between your day job and your dream job, and while I’m generally not into deeply inspirational speakers, this felt like he was speaking directly to me. I realized I haven’t felt all that passionate about my job, while I’ve been neglecting the very things I am passionate about because of my job. I’m too tired to blog as much as I used to, I haven’t done anything crafty in years, and I feel like I’m constantly letting my family down due to being stretched too thin. I’ve lost all my passion.

I came away from that keynote re-energized with a new perspective on my situation. This is a gift. Having my job eliminated is the universe’s way of removing all barriers that have kept me stationary for so long, freeing me up to find that passion and pursue it. Of course, the hard part is determining exactly what that passion is, but I’m ready to do the work to discover it. 

(If you want more from Jon Acuff, check out his book, Quitter.)

Did I have fun? Oh yes. There was dancing and drinking and long chats with others while sitting on the lobby floor. There were comfy shoes:

(Dr Scholl’s shoes)

And meeting famous people:

Err…I mean, the Lorax.

And, of course, silliness with Joe Jonas behind us:

Voted least likely to be seen at a Joe Jonas concert. (With @mizzjenny)

I met lots of new people, of course. Unless you’re completely anti-social, it’s hard to go to a blogging conference and not meet new people. Some were complete strangers, others were introduced by friends, and several are people I plan to stay in touch with and learn more from.

On the last day of the conference, Cecily introduced me to Amber, who then offered to take a headshot of me as part of a project she was working on. I was truly honored by the request, and while hesitant at first (I hadn’t brushed my teeth since before lunch, I looked tired, my makeup needed a touch-up, it wasn’t my best outfit, etc etc etc…) I finally got up the guts to agree to it.

The result? Amber is a talented photographer, and captured a portrait (totally worth the click!) just as good as any that Nigel Barker could take. I look at that photo and immediately notice the effect the previous days had on me. Yes, I’m tired, and my lips really needed a little more color, but so much of the stress and worry and unhappiness is gone from my face. I’m relaxed, at peace, and ready for my next adventure.

And I think that was my takeaway from Blissdom. I found peace and enjoyed the happiness brought on by being surrounded by so many talented and inspiring women. They make me want to do more and be better.

Now to figure out how to do that.



Change of Plans

The last seven days have been a mountain of stress for me. Just when everything was swimming along nicely in my life, it was announced that my shift is being eliminated at work in two weeks. I’m unsure yet as to what this will mean for my employment overall, but you can imagine how news like this can affect you emotionally. Especially when you just had new living room furniture delivered to your house the weekend before, with a large credit card bill coming due.

The first day I was in shock. When I was given the news that morning, I couldn’t sleep. (I work nights, in case you’re new here.) Once I did get a few hours of troubled sleep, I woke up and couldn’t even face the idea of dinner with my family. You KNOW I’m upset if I can’t eat.

I barely ate the next few days as well. The reality slowly sunk in, and while the shock has worn off, the uncertainty at the moment is still very present. It will likely be a few more days before I’ll know the future of my current job situation.

Suddenly the five stages of grief makes sense to me. I went through denial and anger already, and while bargaining doesn’t really make sense in this situation, I know depression is just around the corner. Here’s where I get worried, because depression rarely shows up at my door without a bag of powdered donuts, a pint of ice cream and an extra large spoon. (And as an adult depression also usually brings a box o’ wine along as well, making sure to get the most alcohol for the value. Depression is thrifty like that.)

At this time, I’m thankful that Aaron has a job that he loves. I’m also thankful that his employer loves him as well. It wasn’t that long ago that Aaron was unemployed while I served as the breadwinner. I still make a little more, but Aaron’s job provides our health insurance and he has paid time off while I don’t. No matter what happens with my job, we can meet our essential bills and will still have health insurance.

It’s still unsettling. Any illusion of security that I thought I had was pulled out from under me. We had a lot planned for this year, and now all of it is in question. It hurts. My weekend was spent playing endless games of what if? as we tried to come to terms with this upcoming change and discuss what might happen next and how we’ll deal with it.

Before any of this happened, of course, I had planned to attend Blissdom later this week. I’m still going, and I honestly can’t wait to escape from this bad dream for a few days and immerse myself in blogging.

Stepping away from it all may help me clear my head and reach that final stage of grief: acceptance, of whatever the outcome might be.



I Will Not Stress Eat

The last seven days have been a mountain of stress for me. Just when everything was swimming along in my life, it was announced that my shift is being eliminated at work. I’m unsure yet as to what this will mean for my employment overall, but you can imagine how news like this can affect you emotionally. Especially when you just had new living room furniture delivered to your house the weekend before, with a large credit card bill coming due.

The first day I was in shock. When I was given the news that morning, I couldn’t sleep. (I work nights, in case you’re new here.) Once I did get a few hours of troubled sleep, I woke up and couldn’t even face the idea of dinner with my family. It’s hard to think I’d ever be too upset to eat, but that was the case for the rest of the night.

I barely ate the next few days as well. The reality slowly sunk in, and while the shock has worn off, the uncertainty at the moment is still very present. It will likely be a few more days before I’ll know the future of my current job situation.

Suddenly the five stages of grief makes sense to me. I went through denial and anger already, and while bargaining doesn’t really make sense in this situation, I know depression is just around the corner. Here’s where I get worried, because depression rarely shows up at my door without a bag of powdered donuts, a pint of ice cream and an extra large spoon. (And as an adult depression also generally brings a box o’ wine along as well, making sure to get the most alcohol for the value. Depression is thrifty like that.)

Before this news hit last week, I was celebrating a new milestone. I finally broke through the 166 pound curse and had officially made it to 165. Since then I’ve dipped down to 164 and even saw 163.8 on Saturday morning. (But won’t officially count it since I know it was partially due to lack of eating while I lived in my head for a few days.) Breaking that plateau was such an accomplishment for me and gave me hope that by the end of my Slim-Fast challenge I’ll reach that goal I set of 158.

So I now find myself scared that all of this uncertainty will destroy the progress I’ve made and send me to the bottom of a fried-dough-and-sugar binge. No matter how much I’m told this job situation had nothing to do with our performance, I still feel like a failure. (Not helped by the news that most of the other two shifts were made company employees while I’ll remain a contractor if I still have a position.) The negative emotion cycle feeds into itself, with any slip on my part interpreted by my brain as more proof of my inability to succeed at anything, which then leads to more self-destruction.

This week’s challenge for myself is to resist the negative self-talk in my head and not give in to stress eating. No matter the outcome of this situation, I can’t let it affect all that I’ve worked for in my personal goals. I’m trying so hard to love myself and reshape myself into a model of good health, and I’m already 80 pounds from where I started.

Failing myself because of the business decisions of men in expensive suits sitting in fancy offices far removed from what I do would be silly. However, that extra large piece of chocolate cake looks like the perfect medication to soothe your soul when your feelings are hurt and depression is holding a chair for you and offering you a fork.

I can be stronger than this situation.



Twuu Wuv

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. Or as we preferred to call it in our house: Tuesday.

The day started with me getting home from work to give Aaron a Valentine’s Day card that he was already aware of because someone forgot to hide it when putting away the groceries and accidentally left it in plain sight this weekend. But unlike when he first saw it, I had signed my name. So, you know, it was still new.

Aaron then gave me a card and a box of chocolates, despite an agreement I thought we had made to not buy anything for each other. Apparently he had said I didn’t have to buy him anything, not that he wasn’t going to get me a gift. He should be coaching politicians on doublespeak, because he totally got that one past me.

Those actions were all accomplished from 8:00am until 8:05am. And that was pretty much our Valentine’s Day.

What about the rest of the day? Oh, that was pretty uneventful. He left for work, I went to bed. I got up early to go to a work meeting in the late afternoon and found Aaron and Mira in the living room. (He had to get the sick child from school.) Then I went to my work meeting, came home, we ate a quick dinner, put the kids to bed, watched a little TV, and then I fell asleep on the couch until it was time for me to get ready for work again.

It’s true, we’re romantics.

All joking aside, Valentine’s Day isn’t a big deal for us anymore. When we were dating we took it seriously, but with our wedding anniversary less than a month away from the national holiday for hearts and expensive jewelry, we’d rather save most of the romantic (and pricey) gestures for our anniversary – a date that actually has a significant meaning to us.

(And don’t get me started on all of the cute Valentine’s Day gifts and crafts I saw on Pinterest for moms with way more time than me to make for their kids. I do not feel obligated to whip up a special day for my kids, or create homemade Valentine’s cards for their classmates. Generic Care Bears valentines worked for me, so Tinkerbell valentines will work for them.)

I hope everyone had a fantastic Valentine’s Day and got to celebrate it as much as they wanted it to be celebrated. For me, I got a little surprise chocolate in my day and a reminder that my anniversary is less than a month away!



Slim-Fast Women of Wow Update (& Giveaway!)

Alternate title – 166: So We Meet Again

I’ve been using the Slim-Fast shakes and bars for about three weeks now, so I thought it was time for an update. As you might guess from above, my weight is currently at 166 lbs, which just happens to be the lowest weight I’ve ever been as an adult. I hit this same number late last year, but never managed to get beneath it.

I started the year at 170 (after my holiday hibernation), so four pounds lost in a month isn’t shabby at all! But 166 is a tough number. I was actually at 166 a week ago, then jumped up to 168 out of the blue, and now I’m at 166 again after days of being diligent about my calorie intake.

I’m wishing on a star that this might be the week to officially get past this number on the scale, but I also know that my body seems to have some kind of threshold at 166. Apparently no one gave my body the message that insurance companies and doctors don’t consider me at a healthy weight until I weigh 158.

I have to admit that the past few weeks have been very easy when it comes to food. I have a Slim-Fast shake in the morning before I go to bed (I work night shift, remember), I eat a Slim-Fast snack bar or piece of fruit when I wake up, then I eat a normal dinner with my family. When I go to work, I either eat a low-cal frozen meal or Slim-Fast shake for my “lunch” and have one or two snacks of about 100 calories each. Overall, my daily calorie intake is usually between 1400-1600, which I keep track of by using the Lose It app on my iPhone.

On weekends, we tend to eat out more, but even eating out isn’t a trap for me – I keep to small portions and take the time to enjoy every bite. I’ve found my stomach is smaller now, and so it doesn’t take as much food for me to feel full. And surprisingly, the shakes really do help me feel full despite being liquid calories. (The vanilla one tastes like melted vanilla ice cream – yum!)

With my food intake under control, I have to turn my attention back to exercise now. I’m averaging about one workout a week at this point. If I want to get this weight off, I know I’ll need to move more. I’ve got eight more pounds to go until my goal, and I’m determined to get there.

Giveaway!

Not only has Slim-Fast given me the tools to help me reach my goals, but they want to help you have your moment of wow, too! I’ve got one $50 American Express gift card to give to one lucky reader – use it towards new workout gear, an outfit to celebrate a milestone, or whatever you’d like!

To enter: leave a comment below telling me your favorite type of exercise. What type of exercise gets you motivated and keeps you coming back for more? Be sure to leave your email address so I can contact you if you’re the winner, too.

For additional entries (1 per method – leave a separate comment for each):

Follow me on Twitter and leave a separate comment with your Twitter username.
– Like Slim-Fast on Facebook
– Leave a comment on one of my Women of Wow posts on the Slim-Fast Facebook page (leave a comment here with your FB name)
– Write on the Slim-Fast Facebook Wall that you entered to win a $50 AMEX Gift Card at Losing My Hind with a link back to this post.

Entries will be accepted until Friday, February 17 at 11:59pm EST. One entry per method, for up to five entries total, US residents only. After that date, one winner will be selected at random to receive the $50 AMEX gift card. Winner will be contacted by email and will have 48 hours to respond or an alternate winner will be selected.

Also, visit these other Slim-Fast Women of WOW for additional chances to win!

Being Alison
Shop With Me Mama
Hollie’s Weight Loss Blog
Blessings Abound Mommy
Yellow Tennessee

Good luck!

Full disclosure: This post was created in connection with my appointment as an Ambassador in the Slim-Fast Women of WOW! Program. Visit www.facebook.com/slimfast to join the conversation.

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