January 2013 - A Mommy Story

Jan 31, 2013

Home (Mis)Adventures

January 31, 2013 By Christina 1 Comment

Remember back in March when I had all these grand ideas of getting domestic and making some much-needed updates to our house? It was all good intentions, but other than clearing out a bunch of clutter, nothing else has been done.

Don’t get me wrong – clearing out the clutter has been a HUGE undertaking alone. It’s amazing what nine years of “just put that there and we’ll deal with it later” can do to every closet and corner of your house.

Example? This is only part of what came out of our hall closet:

The box in the foreground is STUFFED with reusable shopping bags.

I found my BlogHer ’07 swag bag at the bottom of that closet, along with business cards from several bloggers from years ago. The majority of the closet was reusable shopping bags. Forget the plastic bag crisis – we now have a reusable shopping bag crisis. Where’s the Pinterest boards for recycling your reusable shopping bags into something decorative or useful when you don’t need the hundreds of bags you have? Even my Costco trips don’t require that many bags.

The closet looks a lot more empty now. Considering we have no basement and that closet is the only safe spot in the house in the event of a tornado, it’s nice to know we won’t have to throw five feet of bags and junk out of it just to fit inside.

The swanky red plaid hunting jacket needs to be returned to my mom.

But every other project I had planned was stalled due to a lack of time and money. It helps that we’re now back to two full-time incomes (yay!) but the debt left behind from previous periods still has to be addressed.

A few months ago, I looked into refinancing our house to free up some extra money. We had an FHA loan and I learned about the streamline FHA refinance program, which is supposed to be an easier way to refinance the mortgage, with fewer requirements and relaxed standards. Seeing how the value of our house has declined as we paid down the mortgage – to the point that it’s worth about what we still owe – it sounded like the perfect program for us to lower our interest rate and payments.

Believe me, folks, getting a mortgage is nothing like it was in 2003. In 2003 we filled out an application and then went to closing when our house was ready, signed some papers, and received money back at the closing. Our down-payment was covered, and there was practically no verification of anything. It felt like a relaxing day out with a new house at the end of it.

Now? There are a lot more hoops to jump through. And they’re smaller. And possibly on fire, too.

Despite this being a streamline refinance, with no appraisal needed and fewer requirements from us regarding income and debt, it was not an easy process. I think it was easier for Aaron to get his military security clearance than it was for us to prove our employment and income.

We went through our current lender because they offered us a discount on closing costs. After filling out the initial application and mailing it back, we were told that a few forms were missing and asked to fax them back immediately. I remembered filling those forms out, but whatever – I faxed them in again.

A week later we were told additional documents were missing and they needed them ASAP. Funny, again they were forms we had already filled out, including one that I had sent back twice already. Fill out, fax, repeat. This happened another round as well.

Then there were issues documenting my employment and income. Now understand: we were using our current lender to refinance to a lower interest rate so we could pay less for our mortgage each month. We have a perfect record of (higher) payments for our mortgage, so why such concern over our ability to cover the lower payments?

Finally, a closing date was set, 83 days after the application started and 7 days away from losing our rate lock. Even two days before closing, another hoop was placed in front of us, as they demanded to see that we had the closing costs in our checking account before they could finalize everything (this was never mentioned before), and so money had to be shifted around and a method of proof found.

This morning, despite my fears that they’d find another reason to make it not happen, we signed all of the paperwork and closed on our new mortgage. We’re saving over $200 a month on our mortgage now, which will mostly be used to help finance all of the improvements we want to make around here. I’m almost giddy at the thought of picking out paint and getting estimates on the breakfast bar I want to add to the kitchen.

I’m definitely not a DIY blogger, but I’m planning to detail some of the changes we make to the house going forward. Or at the very least it’ll be a “what not to do” series.

Filed Under: domestic zero, home, money

Jan 29, 2013

Twice Execeptional: Twice the Fun, Twice the Challenge

January 29, 2013 By Christina 3 Comments

I generally get nervous when I see the elementary school’s phone number appear on our caller ID. In the past two years, I’m pretty sure they’ve only called with something positive once or twice. Generally the call is either from the school nurse, letting me know one of my children displayed her superhuman ability to be clumsy and injured herself, or Cordy’s teacher letting me know about some incident where she got in trouble or had a panic attack.

So when I received a phone call from the school recently, I didn’t answer it because I was already on the phone trying to make an appointment for Cordy with an occupational therapist. After the trouble she had earlier this school year with her anxiety at school, we set up an appointment with her pediatrician to discuss what to do. He recommended an OT he knows to help Cordy get through her anxiety. We agreed we don’t want to consider medication yet, so this is our first step towards helping her cope with her constant anxious state.

The school left a message, so I knew it had to be something important, but at least a voicemail gave me time to react and process whatever they said before I had to call them back. I played the message, and it was from the school psychologist.

He mentioned that Cordy had been doing some testing with him as part of her three-year evaluation (all kids with special needs services are evaluated every three years to make sure they still qualify) and he wanted me to call him back to set up a time to go over all of the cognitive testing he did with her. He also mentioned what an interesting and delightful child she was, so I at least knew the testing couldn’t have been a complete disaster.

I didn’t know that he had been testing Cordy. Two weeks before that, a woman from the gifted and talented department came to the school to evaluate Cordy, and days before the psychologist called we had received her results. Cordy had an impressive score on a cognitive abilities test, earning her the label “superior cognitive” on her school record. It’ll help provide more gifted ed services for her, and I was proud of the score, but it was only one test and she had a particularly good day that day.

I wondered if the psychologist’s evaluation would match up with her recent testing? We didn’t know he was testing her, so we had no way to prep her like we did for the gifted ed department’s testing.

There was no hesitation in calling him back. As soon as I said my name, the school secretary knew why I was calling and transferred me to the school psychologist. He was only supposed to set up a time to go over the results in person, but he was bursting with excitement to give me the highlights of what happened from testing her that morning.

The good news: she still qualifies for special needs services. She meets the criteria for autism (no surprise there), although he said the only presenting issues at the moment are her anxiety and her deficit in social skills. Again, no surprise.

But then came the even better news. He used multiple testing methods for her, and said she’s one of the smartest eight year olds he’s ever seen. Her IQ testing resulted in a 139, with a verbal score of 143. On one verbal abilities test, she had a perfect score. I was stunned into silence as he explained that he’s been working in elementary schools for eleven years and Cordy had the highest scores he’s ever seen.

One example he gave was in analogies: he said to her “flour is to bread like…” and she answered back with “like hydrogen is to water!” Her science vocabulary was especially impressive. (Thanks to Netflix and the full series of the quirky Beakman’s World on instant streaming – our #1 source for science lessons!)

We met yesterday and went over the full results. I’m so proud of Cordelia. He said she was enthusiastic about the testing, as if she really liked the challenge to prove what she knows, and was incredibly sweet and charming. He also started the thought in my mind that the public school may not have enough resources to fully provide for her education at the level she’s at. We’ll need to consider supplemental resources to keep her engaged and wanting to learn.

I’m trying not to brag, but it’s so fantastic for a parent to get good news about their child. And honestly, the confirmation of her cognitive skills creates several issues for me. We always knew Cordy was bright, but to get confirmation that she’s highly gifted means I need to pay closer attention to making sure she’s challenged and getting material at her level. At the same time, her anxiety really needs attention now, since it tends to flare up when she feels something is too hard. It’s a delicate balance.

Technically this makes Cordy “twice-exceptional” (also called “2e”), meaning she’s both gifted and special needs. I have a child who still can’t wear jeans because she can’t reliably work a button but can explain the meaning of the word dehydration. I found this chart on the wiki page for twice exceptional, and aside from a couple of items, it’s an eerily accurate description of my daughter.

Stubborn? Imaginative? Sensitive? Yes. Perhaps not the sophisticated sense of humor…

So now that I’m armed with this knowledge…I have no idea what to do next. She’s doing well in school, but nothing particularly outstanding. I know she’s bored on some level, but also resistant to being pushed to learn new things faster. We’re moving forward with occupational therapy in the hopes it can help her developing coping mechanisms to deal with anxiety.

She’ll be eligible for the school’s gifted classroom in fourth and fifth grades, and will continue to have limited gifted instruction until then. We can’t really consider the possibility of private school because they’re just too expensive around here. There is financial aid, but we’re in that boggy middle ground where we make too much to qualify for aid, but would be on a ramen noodle budget to pay for private school.

I’m sure there have to be resources out there for twice exceptional kids, possibly even in our community. It may be time to spend a day with Google to see what’s out there, either in enrichment activities or parent groups or any other kind of support. I was a gifted student myself, so I have some idea of how to help Cordy with that. It’s incorporating it with the autism that makes it a little harder.

All of this, of course, is nothing more than labels and changes nothing about the cheerful, quirky, loveable little girl we have. But those labels do give us more insight into why she does what she does, and can help provide the justification for arranging educational experiences that will provide the most benefit for her.

Gifted or not, autism or not, she’s still our Cordy, and we have the responsibility to do what’s best for her (and Mira), just as any parent does. But hopefully we have a better map to guide us towards what she needs going forward.

I love that kid and her sister so much. They’re exceptionally sweet and quirky, and I wouldn’t have them any other way.

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, school, shameless bragging

Jan 24, 2013

How Many Steps Do You Take Each Day? (FitBit Zip Review)

January 24, 2013 By Christina 2 Comments

Now that the holidays are long over and we start edging ever closer to longer, warmer days (although you wouldn’t know that at the moment), my mind has already clicked over into shaking off the holiday hibernation and getting back into shape. Every year I give myself time off from calorie counting and workouts between Thanksgiving and the new year. It’s a time of food, family gatherings and holiday parties, and I enjoy the time a lot more if I’m not thinking about my weight.

But now. Now it’s time to get back on track. I willingly accept a little weight gain during the holidays, but apparently my new-found love of Nutella added a little more than I had planned. The scale was a bit of a shock.

I’m back to carefully tracking my food intake again, but getting started with exercising at the beginning of the year seemed more difficult than usual. I have a treadmill and know I don’t need to necessarily run – even walking would be better than nothing. The key is always motivation – how do I make it fun?

I’ve been eying the FitBit Zip for several months, and recently was offered the opportunity to give it a try from Best Buy. I’m a gadget person, so any new gadget that can get me excited about exercising and learning more about my habits is perfect for me.

If you haven’t heard of it, the FitBit Zip is like a pedometer on steroids – in function, not size. Not only does it track every step you take (along with estimated distance and calories burned during the day), but it wirelessly transmits the data to your FitBit dashboard so you can compare your current data to any goals you’ve set for yourself.

The medical community recommends that most people walk 10,000 steps each day for optimal health. (Obviously check with your doctor first to make sure you’re healthy enough for exercise.) Before I received the FitBit, I tried to estimate how many steps I took in an average day. I figured I probably walked 5-6,000 a day on non-active days, but wasn’t really sure. I knew it needed to be more, but still thought I was semi-active in my daily life.

Setting up the FitBit was a breeze, which was good because I was in a hurry to try it out. Once it was ready to go, I clipped it onto the waist of my pants and took a walk around my house, then after a few minutes ran back to the computer to sync the device and see how many steps I’d taken. (Oh c’mon, you know you’d do it, too.) It registered 58 steps on my online Dashboard, a tiny amount compared to the recommended steps per day, but proof it was working like it should.

The clip on the FitBit is very secure, even for such a small device. I worried at first that it might come unclipped from my waistband or pocket, but it’s a strong grip. Women can also wear it clipped to our bras, which I often prefer because it’s completely hidden and it adds that extra security from losing it that someone as clumsy as me worries about.

Your stats can be checked by tapping on the FitBit Zip. It’ll display the current time, the number of steps you’ve taken, the estimated distance you’ve traveled for the day (based on average stride length for your height) and average calories burned for the day. It’ll also show a little face with an expression that changes based on how well you’re doing for the day. Mine is usually sticking it’s tongue out at me.

Note: If you wear your FitBit Zip strapped to your bra, you can’t check your stats for the day from the FitBit as easily. Reaching down your shirt to unclip it and check your steps might be a little awkward in public. Be aware of that when choosing where to clip it.

Since I’m rarely away from my computer, I can check it on my Dashboard instead. It syncs automatically if the wireless unit is plugged in to your computer, and you can manually sync it if you’re too impatient to wait for the next sync. iPhone 4s and 5 users can also check their stats from the iPhone app. And you can link up with other FitBit users to motivate each other.

So how’s it going, you ask? Well, the FitBit Zip has revealed to me that I’m a lazy slob. OK, not exactly. With my first full day of using it, I made it a point to get out and walk around as much as possible, including walking the dog and taking the kids out for the day. After a full Saturday, I couldn’t wait to see what my results were:

Only 5300 steps? Hmmm…I thought it might be more. Still, that was over halfway to the 10,000 step goal promoted everywhere, so I patted myself on the back for a good start.

However, I soon realized finding a way to get more movement in would be harder than I thought. On work days, my typical day looked a lot more like this:

Ouch. Only a quarter of the recommended steps per day. It’s true I don’t get to move around as much when I’m working at my computer all day, and it’s been a strong reminder to get up and move around more.

Tracking my steps has been an eye-opening experience. Not only has it shown me that I’m not walking enough, but it’s also helping me visualize just how much of a difference 10 minutes can make.

Seeing how low my numbers were, I decided to try walking just 10 minutes on the treadmill at 3.0 mph – which is slow enough for me to check my email and Facebook on my phone while I walked. I looked at my FitBit stats right after that and suddenly I had nearly 1000 steps more just from one 10 minute walk.

Anyone can find 10 minutes in the day, right? (And that’s 10 minutes that don’t even work up a sweat or require another 20 minutes to shower and change clothing!) I’m now squeezing in two 10 minute walks in-between work and kids and everything else in my life, and my stats are starting to look a lot better. I like the instant gratification of seeing my stats right after I make each small effort. It provides a mental reward to encourage me to find new ways to sneak more movement into my day.

I love that the Zip is so small and doesn’t get in my way all day. Clipped to a waistband or my bra, I rarely notice it’s there and it doesn’t show under my clothing.

Size reference: that’s my 95-pound-dog’s paw.

The only downside to the FitBit Zip is – like any other gadget or workout device – you have to use it for it to help you. I take it off at night and put it on my nightstand and then put it right back on in the morning. I’ve only forgotten to put it on once so far.

You still have to do the work – it only holds a mirror up to your activity level for accountability. But if you like seeing numbers and stats about yourself, and you enjoy the challenge of forcing those numbers higher, you’ll love the FitBit Zip. For me, I’ve combined the FitBit with logging all of my foods again, and I’ve already lost four pounds in two and a half weeks.

Big thanks to Best Buy for giving me the chance to try out the FitBit Zip. You can find it in stores in several different colors for $59.99. Mine is the neutral charcoal color, but the magenta one is really cute!

And if you think the FitBit Zip might be right for you, Best Buy provided me with a printable coupon for 20% off of any health & fitness product! (Good through 2/13/13.) If you’re not ready to get moving yet, but want a new juicer or some other small appliance to start new healthy eating habits, I also have a printable coupon for 20% off small kitchen appliances at Best Buy.

If you already use a FitBit, let me know your profile URL and we’ll link up! You can also join in using the #MillionSteps and #BestBuy hashtags on Twitter to find even more people tracking their steps together.

Full disclosure: I was provided with a FitBit Zip by Best Buy for the purposes of this review and no further compensation was received. Screen shots above are from my actual dashboard, all opinions are my own and your results may vary. And yes, I’m aware I’d walk a lot more if I didn’t live in a city that relied on cars so much to get anywhere.

Filed Under: daily life, healthy living, me me me, reviews

Jan 22, 2013

Faking It

January 22, 2013 By Christina 1 Comment

Last summer we signed Mira up for gymnastics after she expressed an interest in finding an activity for herself. Mira had tried ballet before that, but we decided she just wasn’t right for ballet. No matter how hard the instructor tried to calm the kid down, it all moved too slowly for her. We hoped gymnastics, with the ability to jump, tumble, and flip, might be more her style.

One week into it, Cordy decided she wanted to be a part of it, too. We never thought Cordy would like gymnastics, but she really wanted to join in. We signed her up as well in the hopes that she might gain some confidence and improve her coordination.

Since then, Mira continues to love gymnastics and while not even close to the most coordinated kid in her class, she’s making progress. Mira insists she’ll be in the Olympics someday. Considering she’s an entire head taller than every other kid in the class of five year olds and trips over air, I doubt it, but I’m thrilled she has goals and works hard at improving.

Cordy, though, is not making any progress and instead is showing signs of being uninterested. She insists she likes going, but once there she’s usually too distracted by what the other classes are doing and then doesn’t want to try anything new or push herself outside of her comfort zone. Her teacher has been incredibly kind and patient with her, but I can tell even she is getting discouraged with Cordy’s unwillingness to put any confidence in herself.

She enjoys gymnastics and comes out with a smile on her face, but she’s made practically no progress with her skills and is becoming more and more distracted during class. We haven’t told Cordy yet, but this is her last session of gymnastics and we’ll encourage her to try another activity she might like more.

Last week, both girls appeared happy to go to gymnastics. After dinner, they put on their leotards and were all ready to go. Once there, they went to the benches to wait for their class to start, but then Cordy looked around for a minute and then went to the bathroom. Several minutes later, she came out frowning and sat back on the bench, clutching her stomach and looking miserable as she looked at me.

I waved Cordy to come talk to me, and she said she felt sick. I put my hand on her forehead (classic mom first move for a sick kid, right?) and she wasn’t warm. “My stomach really hurts, mom. I feel like I’m going to be sick,” she continued.

“Can you get through gymnastics?” I asked.

She sighed and clutched her stomach again. “I don’t know. I don’t think I can tonight because I don’t feel good.”

Her class was gathering to begin, so I had to make a quick judgement call. She was completely fine before we got there, but this is also my child who is honest to a fault at times. Her fear of missing out on something she’s supposed to do and disappointing a teacher generally pushes her to keep going even when she shouldn’t. Maybe she really was sick?

I texted Aaron, who was on his way from work, and let him know that Cordy was sick and needed to go home as soon as he got there. Cordy then came to sit in the parents’ waiting area with me. She walked there hunched over, looking miserable, but as soon as we reached the bleachers, she perked up as she climbed to the top row.

“Wow, mommy, these are fun! Look how high I can sit!”

I frowned. “I thought you didn’t feel good? Maybe you could join your class if you’re feeling better.”

Her eyes widened, and then her bright mood disappeared again. “Oh! Oh, I really don’t feel good. I just thought these seats were interesting.” She resumed crossing her arms over her stomach again.

Mira and her class were soon in front of us starting their first activities. And within minutes, Cordy was once again distracted. “Look, mommy, there’s Mira! Let’s wave to Mira!”

Again I asked, “Cordy, I thought you were sick?”

“Um, I can still cheer for my sister even when I’m sick, right?”

“Not with that much energy,” I responded.

She continued to go back and forth between looking ill and being distracted by something until Aaron got there. I realized by then that she had faked the whole thing. She wasn’t sick at all, she just didn’t want to do gymnastics that night. It’s the first time Cordy has ever lied about being sick to get out of doing something, and I totally fell for it. What’s worse – she had a good idea that I’d fall for it or she wouldn’t have done it.

In some ways, I’m proud of her for faking it. It’s often believed that kids on the autism spectrum have a hard time with lying, or can’t do it at all. She’s made up creative stories about why something didn’t get done before, or used the convenient “I forgot” excuse a few times (which in her case is often true), but she’s never out-and-out lied about being sick to avoid a task, complete with acting the part. True, she wasn’t very good at continuing the act, but she managed to keep it up long enough to fool me. So really, this is Cordy portraying very typical kid behavior, which is progress for her.

But on the other hand, I don’t want to celebrate a child who lies, either. When Aaron arrived, I specifically mentioned to him that I was certain she was faking it, and so he took her home to finish her homework and go to bed, since sick children don’t get to do anything fun like watch TV. She wasn’t so happy about that part, and I hope that will keep her from trying it again. He told me she seemed totally fine at home, too, further confirming my suspicions that she was never sick to begin with.

Even if she’s losing interest in gymnastics, I’m not letting her quit until this session is over. Both kids were asked if they wanted to sign up for the winter session and both said they wanted to, so I expect her to finish out what she agreed to. After that, Cordy is free to choose another activity to try.

I only hope she won’t try repeating her “sick day” again this week. I don’t like having to play both mom and talent scout to determine if she really is sick or is trying another performance piece in the hopes of winning the award of getting-out-of-work.