Comments on A Mommy Story: Is My Daughter Being Bullied In First Grade?

N's 2nd quarter of kindergarten we encountered...

2011-11-11T23:36:34.213-05:00

N's 2nd quarter of kindergarten we encountered the same kind of thing. I think kids end up needing to work that out socially no matter how well we prepare them individually. I've been blessed in finding our year round school who has a focus on community culture from day 1, which includes a very thorough anti bullying program. One of their truths is that they don't only teach it, they live it and breathe it. Integration of all.
Having to play detective also was hard for me and it continues. I have to be careful not to overreact d/t my lengthy background as a victim of peer bullying. The principal and teachers respond quickly and take all matters seriously which helps greatly. I was ostracized and bullied from the time I was about 8 until I was about 16. I once asked one of my classmates in 5th grade why no one liked me, her answer was that I was "too smart". At that point I declined into a 2 year depression, because how could I not be smart? I could sooner not breathe than not be smart. I was gifted but never had much for social skills, I was not "cute" or "pretty" and I refused to play dumb, I just couldn't do it. Luckilly by the time I was in 7th grade I met a new girl who taught me pride, self respect and the ability to stand up for myself. It took many more years, but I got there. In the mean time I was verbally, physically and sexually harrassed on a daily basis at school. Adults ignored it, told me it was my own fault or had the attitude of "kids will be kids". I am so grateful that bullying is now being recognized as something that is not normal and should not be tolerated. The beginning of this societal change is just in time to help my exceptional child. And we will continue to be vigilent protective detectives for our children.

As a primary school teacher, I totally empathise! ...

2011-11-08T01:47:24.308-05:00

As a primary school teacher, I totally empathise! Playing the detective is a normal part of my day and can involve a lot of steps before you get anywhere near a cohesive story. The school I teach at has a "no tackling" rule, since many of our children tend to use their break times to play with sports equipment, but it generally covers any contact whatsoever because we consider it a valuable preventative measure. What so often starts of as "just fun" can soon escalate and lead to behaviour such as it seems Cordy has experienced. Since her teacher seems invested in her well-being at school, enough to drop you emails, I am sure they will be vigilant. Any added information you can provide will always be useful however as teachers have to deal with a whole class of potential issues and children are sometimes more comfortable speaking with their parents in any case, especially if something is bothering them.

The only thing I would caution is being too quick to use "bullying" to describe the behaviour. There is a general misconception that any anti-social behaviour is bullying, which in turn leads to a lack of proper definition, if you like, of the very serious behaviours that are specifically targeted and ongoing over a long period. Bullying is behaviour with history. It is repetitive, often premeditated and hugely damaging. Teaching our children to refer to all their problems as "bullying" doesn't properly arm them to identify the real thing if it should ever happen to them.

That being said, however, if Cordy believes this isn't the first time she's been singled out then making the school aware of it was the right thing to do. I'm sure it isn't the last time you'll have to play detective but I think you did a great job of handling it!

I am glad that she is okay. When the girls were in...

2011-11-07T09:40:10.046-05:00

I am glad that she is okay. When the girls were in elementary school they had a zero fighting policy, they never asked the kids to tone it down. Even if they were play fighting they got in trouble. Sounds to me that Cordy's school could benefit from that policy.

Also...maybe it's just my computer but when I click to leave a comment the comment window doesn't open up, I actually have to right click on the leave a comment link to have it open the link in a new window. It has been like that for some time.