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Archives for February 2007

Feb 21, 2007

Mean Girls Don’t Go Away After High School

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I’m generally a nice person. I don’t like to see people unhappy, and I have a hard time hiding my emotions. You could say I’m a people-pleaser, and work hard to find some common element with others I meet. I know I’m a little geeky (OK, more than a little geeky), which isn’t exactly “cool”, but I’d like to think being a friendly, open person can go a long way.

Oh sure, I’ve had those moments of wanting to be popular, and trying to do anything it takes to hang with the cool crowd. In high school, the cool crowd were generally the “mean girls”, and in order to be cool, you had to be willing to be just as mean as them. I’ll admit that I tried to fit in with them, even going so far as to put down kids who were nerdier than me. Of course it didn’t work – I always found my conscience siding with the person I’d tease. It’s something I still feel guilty about, and hope that my teasing didn’t affect those kids the way I was affected by being teased myself.

Naturally, the mean girls could see right through my efforts, and knew just how to strike at my vulnerabilities. My good qualities – friendliness, openness – were used against me. They had the power to turn other people against me, make people question my abilities, and leave me in a sobbing heap on the floor.

But we’re all adults now, right? We’re past all this childish behavior, and if adults have a problem, they can sit down and discuss it like adults, looking for a reasonable solution. Right?

Apparently not. I generally don’t like to discuss my job on this blog, but today’s events couldn’t stay pent up inside me, tearing me apart little by little. The worst part is, the problems at my job have nothing to do with the students. My students are, overall, happy with my performance as their advisor and my student reviews are filled with praise for my abilities. My supervisor is equally pleased with my performance when looking at the quantified results of my work. However, it seems that one or more coworkers have decided that I am some sort of demon who needs to be exorcised from the campus.

I received a call today from my supervisor, wishing to talk for a moment about my performance. He asked me, on a scale of 1 to 10, how I would rate my relationship with the staff at the campus I work at. I told him I believed it was easily an 8 or 9, and that I got along well with everyone, was always willing to help them out, and felt that we all worked together as a good team.

So it came as a surprise when he told me that he had completed my review (the entire university goes through staff reviews every six months, and our performance bonus, AKA “raise”, is based on this review), but that the director of the campus I work at was insisting that my bonus be significantly reduced because of the lousy work I did. What?

I tried to ask for details, but my supervisor had little to share. He wasn’t given much in the way of details: It seems I work poorly with the staff, I don’t do any work, and there was something mentioned about finding a romance novel on my desk. No specific examples were given of what I was doing wrong, and yet because of this vague information, my review is being affected.

First off, a romance novel? WTF? I’ve never had a book at work with me, and I don’t think I’ve ever read a romance novel in my life. The only personal items in my office are two pictures of Cordy. And if I wasn’t doing any work, I think my supervisor would know about it, since the majority of my work involves appointments with students.

As for not working well with other staff, I’m baffled. This aspect was mentioned a year ago as well, and I stepped up my efforts after that last time to make sure I was being as helpful as possible. Even though it’s not part of my job, I assist at the front desk, help set up special events, and offer my help on a regular basis. And most nights I’m having a great time with the other staff – laughing, sharing stories, and working as teammates, certainly not enemies. Oh sure, I’ve been known to read a blog at work, even write blog entries on really slow days when all other work is done. But the other staff spend every day reading message boards, watching YouTube videos and calling their friends while at work. Yet I have no ability to affect their reviews.

I tried to explain all of this to my supervisor, and he told me that he felt I should know about all of this, and to watch myself around the director of the campus. “But,” I added, “I never see her! How can she say all of this when she never sees me work? I’ve seen her at our campus twice in the past six months.”

“Well, apparently she has a spy,” he replied.

Great. So now I know there’s some two faced bitch (it’s all women at this campus) who is sweet to my face, and telling lies about me behind my back. I have a good idea who it is, also. It’s someone who has changed her schedule over the past three weeks to make sure she’s rarely at the same campus as I am. And when I do see her, she suddenly has no time to talk with me, and acts like she’s in a pissy mood and wants to be left alone. This all started about the time our reviews began, meaning if she had lied about me to make herself look good for her review, she knew that at anytime I was going to find out.

So now I find myself completely trapped. I was already in a vulnerable position to begin with – I work at a different campus than the other advisors, and I’m part-time. But I’m also pregnant, so no matter how hostile my work environment becomes, I need to keep this job, because I need the maternity leave I have earned. I can’t quit, and of course I’m going to do anything I can to keep my job because I need that maternity leave. I’m also an open book and always expect the best in people, making me an easy target to exploit: they know I can’t fight back. It must be so much fun for them watching me squirm.

The worst part of this is that I have no recourse. I can’t defend myself, because I have nothing to defend against. I don’t even know the specific crimes I’m being charged with. I can’t prove who in particular has accused me of these vague crimes, so I can’t confront them about it. My review is being trashed, my bonus (which I don’t know how much it will be yet) will be practically nothing now, and now my supervisor and his superiors have reason to question my integrity and work ethic. All because of non-specific accusations.

Plus I am now clearly working in a hostile environment. How can I be my friendly, open self, knowing that someone there secretly dislikes me and is watching my every move to report me? I don’t even know how I am going to get through tomorrow at work. The remainder of today was spent fuming over that phone call and trying to fight back my tears from the injustice I was feeling. How can I smile at people who, when I’m not watching, are trying to force me to leave?

And why is this never brought to my attention, but always brought up at review time? If I was really doing something wrong, a simple talk with me could fix it right away. Instead, I’m never told about it, and then surprised with the news by my supervisor come review time. If there was really an issue, then it should be taken care of the moment it happens, and not left as fodder to damage my review.

I’ve been, yet again, taken advantage of by the mean girls, and totally missed it happening. I allowed myself to be open with my coworkers, thinking we were all friendly with each other, all the while letting my vulnerabilities show. I’m not only mad at them, I’m mad at myself for being duped again. Suddenly I’m right back to my junior high and high school days, running home crying after being the target of an attack by the mean girls, hiding in my bedroom and wishing I didn’t have to go back to school the next day.

I feel totally helpless and trapped. I don’t want to go back to work. But we can’t afford for me to quit, and getting a new job will mean no maternity leave. I’m so angry that I’ve been put in this position, out of the blue.

Is it May yet?

Filed Under: the J-O-B ·


Feb 19, 2007

Weekend in Review

By ·

I believe I once said I loved snow, and that if it was going to be cold, I’d rather it be cold with snow. Well, I’ve changed my mind, or at least modified my opinion to exclude years when I’m pregnant.

Going anywhere this weekend was trying at best, thanks to all of the snow and ice. We received another 2-3″ of snow on Saturday, which provided some traction, but mostly served to obscure the ice underneath. By this point, many places of business had given up on trying to clear their parking lots and sidewalks, and simply hoped their customers wouldn’t fall and break a bone. I had no choice but to be out in it, as I had to work on Saturday, and had class on Sunday.

I’ve also changed my opinion on the advantages of being pregnant in the winter. When we discussed trying for baby #2, part of our timing involved the decision that it might be better for me to be pregnant during colder months, avoiding the heat of the summer like last time. (Cordy was born in September.) Having been through only one month of trying to keep my off-balanced self upright on the snow and ice, I’m starting to think my judgement was wrong. Sweating and swelling from the heat seem pretty insignificant right now. Then again, it’s always greener on the other side of the fence, right?

Aaron spent most of the weekend at a stage combat workshop he and a friend were hosting for local actors. With both of our schedules being busy, babysitting was needed for Cordy, which proved to be difficult. It seems everyone had something to do. Luckily, one of my aunts stepped in to watch Cordy for a little while both days.

On Saturday, we learned an important lesson: Cordy may like Mexican food, but it doesn’t like her. My aunt had taken her to a local Mexican restaurant, and she said Cordy loved munching on tortilla chips and ate most of a cheese quesadilla. When I came home from work, Cordy was already napping. But the nap didn’t last long before I heard her making whimpering noises. I went in to get her and, as is often the case with a baby poop story, the smell hit me first. I then noticed her pants were wet, and the sheet was stained. (Warning: the next paragraph is the graphic one. Sensitive stomachs may choose to skip it.)

Holding her out at arms length, I took her downstairs to clean her up. At first, I thought it was only a small diaper blowout. But as I laid her down on the changing pad, I heard a loud squish. This was not going to go well. Turns out, her thick sweatshirt was hiding the true nature of this pooptastrophe. This wasn’t a small blowout – we’re talking Category 5 blowout here. She had poop nearly up to her neck in the back, up her belly in the front, and oozing down her legs to her socks. While I was disgusted, it was hard not to be impressed, too: how did that much poop come out of someone so small?. Surely she lost a pound or two from that experience.

I did what damage control I could with wipes, then moved her to the bathtub. After a full scrub-down, I changed the bath water and let her play while throwing her clothing, the crib sheet, the one toy that didn’t survive the blast, and even the plastic changing pad into the washer. All is now sanitized again.

Or at least it was until this morning. After the Mexican incident, Cordy wasn’t interested in eating much. So she went on a self-imposed, mostly liquid diet, wanting only juice, milk, and the occasional PB&J sandwich. As you can guess, that caught up to her today. Thankfully, I wasn’t on duty for this pooptastrophe. Since it’s President’s Day, Aaron has the day off work, which means he gets to experience what I go through two days a week relax at home with Cordy.

Filed Under: daily life ·


Feb 15, 2007

A Quick Note To My Neighbors

By ·

Did you all miss the news where the governor of Ohio said we should all help our neighbors out during this snow storm?

Clearly you saw your very pregnant neighbor early this afternoon, trying to clear her car of the snow and ice. I know because I saw you looking out the window. Plus, it was hard to miss hearing your kid pounding on the window at me, as if I was an animal in the zoo, when I fell on my butt on the uneven, icy ground. It’s OK, I really didn’t need the help, even after I fell a second time, and was clearly struggling to keep my footing.

Of course, two hours later, when I was trying to go to work, not only did you watch out your window as I got stuck in the snow plow wake in the street, but apparently other neighbors also joined in to watch as well. You watched as I tried to dig my car out of a rut with only a long-handled ice scraper, huffing and puffing, not offering your able-bodied self as I repeated my attempt to leave, then dig out, then attempt to leave, several times over. I’m glad I could provide some mid-afternoon entertainment for your family.

Special thanks to the neighbors across the street: I noticed you peek out your window to see what all the noise was, but I guess you couldn’t bother to help. Especially with your freakin’ snow blower.

And to the neighbor who drove right past me, on the plowed side of the street: thanks for that little wave, and for narrowly missing me with your car, but I really would have preferred it if you stopped to give me a push. Guess you were too busy trying to get to some important destination, and had no time to lend your strength to a pregnant woman who was clearly having trouble standing up on the ice and snow, much less digging in it with an ice scraper.

Bastards.

Filed Under: rant, snow · Tagged:


Feb 15, 2007

How NOT To Take Your Toddler Out Into The Snow

By ·

1. Decide it’s OK to play in the snow, even though your toddler has been a cranky nightmare.

Never a good idea.

2. Don’t check the back door before you suit up, to make sure the door isn’t iced shut.

Yeah, it might have been smart this morning to check the door first. Turns out, it had a small snow drift up against it, with a layer of ice over that, making the door impossible to open. I pushed it, I kicked it, I put my whole body weight into the door, but nothing would open it. Of course, Cordy was at the door the entire time, anxious to go outside.

I tried to tell her that we needed to go to the front door, but this two year old can’t comprehend changes in plans like that, and the tantrum began. She wanted the door open – right now. And my inability to open the storm door was translated to her as I got her all dressed up only to dash her dreams of playing in the snow. This was the result:

Change is hard.

3. Carry crying toddler to the front door, then force her outside.

She screamed and cried until I dumped her down on the ground outside. Then, realizing she was out in the snow, she suddenly was very, very happy.

Wow, mommy, those are some big footprints.

4. Tell toddler we’ll go into the backyard via the gate, only to find gate latch iced shut as well.

Foiled again.

5. Promise toddler snow, when actually a half inch of freezing rain fell after the snow, forming a hard shell on top of five inches of snow.

There’s nothing fun about playing on hard ice. And Cordy didn’t weigh enough to break through most of it. I barely broke through it with each step.

Today – walking on snow. Tomorrow – walking on water?

6. Allow toddler to play outside without mittens, resulting in very cold hands.

She fought me several times over the issue of mittens, so I gave up and let her out without mittens. Our time outside lasted less than 10 minutes before she came up to me, holding her hands out, and started crying and saying, “Hands! Hands!”

I picked her up, brought her inside, and stripped off the outer layer of clothing (she had on two pairs of pants, two pairs of socks, etc.). Grabbing a fleece blanket off the couch, I wrapped her up, held her on my lap, and helped her warm up. Soon she was happy again.

But despite the happy ending, this is not the way to play in the snow.

Yeah, this sucks.
Filed Under: family time, snow · Tagged:


Feb 13, 2007

Snow Day

By ·

Remember when I was lamenting winter’s absence earlier this year?

I take it all back.

There is a sidewalk and a few rocks under there somewhere.

I think that’s my car under the snow drift.

First was the snow, and now we have nothing but freezing rain and ice falling, which will turn back to snow tonight. The entire city – schools, libraries, city government, universities (even Ohio State!), major businesses – has been shut down.

Well, the entire city is shut down, except for the State of Ohio offices, even though the State’s legislative government already called off for the day. So my husband is still stuck out in this, while everyone else has been sent home.

And I’m snowed/iced in with a cranky, semi-sick toddler who won’t nap and only wants to watch Dora all day. Whee! Expect to see me commenting on every blog today. Even archived posts.

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Filed Under: snow ·