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Archives for February 2008

Feb 7, 2008

A Turning Point

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Quick quiz: How many months pregnant was I in this picture?


4 months? 5 months? 6 months?

Nope, all wrong. The answer is: I’m 8 months postpartum.

(Did I just lose subscribers over that? I think I heard someone click that unsubscribe button. It’s OK, I understand. I’ll spare you from the belly shot without clothing. The stretch marks alone would scare the rest of you away.)

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before making a change. And right now? This is me, hitting hard on the cold stone floor. And damn it hurts.

I know I said I wasn’t making any New Year’s Resolutions, and I’m not. But it’s time to admit that I’m really not happy with myself. I don’t like being overweight, I don’t like all of the extra curves on top of my curves, and I’m really sick of being asked, “So when are you due?”

I don’t always look like the picture above. I’m amazingly adept at sucking in my stomach and holding it all. day. long. But eventually I have to breathe, or I forget for a moment, and suddenly I look pregnant again. Even Spanx can’t hide it all.

Beyond the physical, my mental health is also suffering. I had depression when pregnant with Cordy, and I worried about developing PPD after Mira was born. I think I was too busy trying to deal with two kids early on to let myself feel down. Now I can feel the darkness quietly creeping in again, and I think it’s partially motivated by my unhappiness with my physical appearance.

So it’s time for a change, and that change can begin by asking myself: what do I really want? I want to be healthy, in body, mind and spirit. I want to eat better, get more exercise, and lose weight. I want to feel good about my body instead of ashamed of it.

And to be completely honest?

I want to be hot by BlogHer ’08.

OK, it’s a little shallow, I’ll admit. But I’ve been to the BlogHer conference twice now, and both times I felt like the “big girl” hanging out with all of the pretty girls. There’s a lot of gorgeous women in the blogging world.

This past year, I had an 8 week old excuse:

Mira’s first BlogHer, sleeping through the party

But the year before, there was no excuse:

BlogHer ’06: The year of the pasties

I wasn’t always this big. In fact, just five years ago I felt pretty good about how I looked. Amazing how having two kids and letting yourself go a little can wreck your appearance.

Our honeymoon: Florida, 2003

BlogHer ’08 is my goal date. I want to be hot by BlogHer ’08. And by “hot” I don’t necessarily mean skinny. Skinny isn’t going to happen – my body isn’t built that way. Instead, I’m setting realistic goals:

– I want to be at a healthier weight. I have no set number I must reach – that will only depress me. Instead, I’d like to see myself in a smaller clothing size (no particular size, just smaller), and not look like my uterus is currently under lease for another few months.

– I want to eat more natural foods, and less fat and fried foods. Mira has officially weaned as of this week, so cutting back on calories isn’t a bad thing. I can’t eat like a breastfeeding woman anymore. More fruits, veggies, and water, and more emphasis on portion control. I’m not giving up the foods I love, but I will remind myself that there is no threat to the world’s chocolate supply, so I don’t need to eat it like it’ll all disappear tomorrow.

– I want to enjoy exercise again. There was a time I actually liked exercising (or liked it as much as a sane person can really like exercise). I was happy to see the changes it caused and marveled at what my body could do. But I need to find a form of exercise I like enough to do more than once.

– I want to be satisfied with what I see in the mirror. This is quite an undertaking, because it will involve mental as well as physical change. I need to start working with my body instead of against it, thinking of it only as a shell I wish I didn’t have to lug around with me.

– I want to be happier with my life, giving off waves of self-confidence and satisfaction. While times are tough for us in some ways, I have a lot of good things happening right now. It’s time to focus on what makes me happy and not on the things I’m unhappy about but can’t change.

Yes, I know there are far better reasons to want to be healthier: living longer, setting a good example for my daughters, and a lowered risk of heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. I want all of those, too, but it’s hard to get motivated by those long-term reasons.

But – hot by BlogHer? (I love that phrase. I swear I’m going to make a button for that.) That’s a goal in the near future I can work towards.

I’m ready. I’m motivated. I’m determined.

Can I do it?

I think I can.

(Anyone want to join me?)

Coming up soon: Specific plans, a full round of starting pictures, my past history with my weight, and detailing how I’m going to keep myself accountable by blogging.

UPDATE! We now have a button, thanks to the design mastery of Mother Bumper! Feel free to add it to your blog (but link back here so people know what you’re talking about, m’kay?).

HotByBlogher

Filed Under: BlogHer08, me me me · Tagged:


Feb 6, 2008

Who Really Cares About Seventeen Anyway?

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“OK Cordy, what comes after thirteen?”

“Fourteen!”

“And what comes after fourteen?”

“Fifteen!”

“Good! Now Cordy, what comes after fifteen?”

“Sixteen!”

“And what comes after sixteen?”

“A bunch of bigger numbers!”

Filed Under: Cordy, kid logic ·


Feb 5, 2008

There’s No Such Thing As Equal With Siblings

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I was an only child, so I never had to deal with some of the issues siblings have to deal with. For example, I was the one in all the pictures. I never had to worry about having my firsts remembered because I was the only baby.

Some friends warned me that second children get shorted when it comes to stuff like photographs and baby books. OK, so Mira’s baby book is still sitting on the shelf, with only about a page worth of stuff filled it, but at least I bought one, right? I can still go back and fill it in, even if I have to make up some of the dates.

But on the topic of photographs, I figured I was winning. I’ve become more camera happy as time has gone on, and looking through my records, I think I have more pictures of Mira as a baby then I ever did of Cordy at this age. So while everything isn’t equal, I’ve compensated where I can.

And then my mom asked me this weekend, “When are you going to get some studio photos of Mira? I’d like some nice pictures to frame and put in my wallet.”

Oh yeah. Forgot about those.

Cordy had a lot of studio time in her first year. Thanks to all of the coupons for free sitting fees and free photos from the local portrait studios (LOTS of free coupons), we took her for pictures nearly every month. I was young, I was foolish with money, and I wanted to preserve every tiny change as she grew. By the time she was nearing 12 months old, she was a pro at posing for pictures.


But Mira? Well, there was the hospital photo…and I took her to Target once at three months old for some photos that didn’t turn out all that good because she cried a lot…but that’s it.

So on Sunday afternoon I trudged out with Mira to make sure the grandparents, great-grandparents, and all of the other relatives who have been hinting that they want new pictures would be happy with new photos to display on their mantle. Honestly, how can you say no to family members who simply want to show off pictures of your adorable children to all of their friends?

The results weren’t bad:


The reason she’s smiling for the camera in these pictures was due to the herculean efforts of her mother as I danced around, made faces and goofy sounds, and provided enough entertainment to cause other people walking by stop and stare into the room to figure out what all the commotion was.

You may be asking: But where is that serious baby with the icy stare we all know? No worries, folks. She gave the photographer (and me) the evil eye plenty of times.

So. not. amused.

Filed Under: Mira ·


Feb 2, 2008

Why Must Healthy Be So Hard?

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I want to eat healthy. I really do. It’s not like I go to the grocery each week thinking, “Gee, what can I buy that will add pounds to my waistline and double digits to my cholesterol?”

But there are lots of things that get in the way of providing the healthiest food for my family. First is the issue of time. Aaron works his 40 hours for the day job, then comes home to work his second job (writing for a movie website) most of the evening. I have nursing school, blogging, and caring for two needy little girls. Breakfasts are simple waffles or bagels, lunches most often consist of sandwiches, and dinners must be made quickly, with as few steps as possible. This requires a reliance on convenience foods.

Second is the issue of cost. Have you noticed how healthy food seems to cost more? Of course convenience foods are more expensive, but even fresh produce is costly. I hate having to choose between healthy or cheap foods, and when the choice needs to be made, I usually choose healthier foods for the girls, and junk for Aaron and I. And then I feel bad that I had to make that choice.

Those are excuses, though. I know we need to eat better. There are several convenience foods that are healthy, saving me time and calories all in one. And while I currently buy organic only for the girls (we buy two milks – organic for Cordy, regular for us), and they eat more fruits and veggies than Aaron and I do, it’s time for all of us to start eating better.

I’m trying to look at it this way: the costs of buying healthier foods may be high, but heart disease, obesity, high cholesterol, cancer, and all of the other health consequences that go along with those are even more expensive. And dying early is not something I’d like to consider, either.

How do I plan to start? I want to increase the amount of veggies we eat, using frozen to help with quick preparation. I love the little single-serve frozen veggie trays available nowadays, giving me an easy option at lunch when I’m rushing to fill sippy cups, bottles, and Disney plates.

Also, I want to make an effort to eat less meat when we can (I believe this was NoMeatPoWeek?). OK, this one will be hard, considering my husband is practically a carnivore. I’m already starting to show him that beef isn’t the only edible animal out there, and that chicken, turkey and pork can be tasty, too. I want to make organic choices where we can, too, especially when it comes to meat and milk.

The hardest part of all of this is weaning us off of the junk. We like our Doritos, our frozen pizzas, and our ice cream bars. And chocolate – oh, I don’t know if I can give that up. Moderation is good, right?

This is all part of a larger plan for me. I’m hitting the point where I’m sick of feeling fat (what? you didn’t know? oh, well, there’s a post coming on that topic in the next week!), and I think making some healthier choices when it comes to eating will be a good start in the process of living healthier. Although you may have to pry the chocolate out of my cold, dead hands.

This post was part of the Healthy Living Blog Blast being hosted by The Parent Bloggers Network and sponsored by Kroger. Want a chance to win a $50 Kroger gift card? You have until midnight Pacific time (that’s 3am here, local folks!) to write a post about how your family plans to live more healthfully in 2008.

Filed Under: being a mom, domestic zero · Tagged:


Feb 1, 2008

Haiku Friday: Motivation

By ·
Crawling: it turns out
all Mira needed was the
right motivation.

I’m glad the video camera was right next to my chair to capture that. It was more of a flopping fish/army crawl, but it was forward movement. She’s only eight months old – I’m not expecting her to pop up and do a proper crawl yet.

Until Tuesday we had gone about it all wrong during tummy time. We held out toys like a carrot on a stick, urging her to push forward and grab for the toy. She had no interest.

But food? Food is worth crawling for, especially when it’s your big sister’s PB&J and goldfish.

She gave a repeat performance yesterday, although I was upstairs switching the laundry at the time and came down to find Mira with two fistfuls of half-eaten sandwich in her hands.

I suppose it’s good to know what motivates your kids, right?

To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What’s a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below or at Jennifer’s blog with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). If you need help with this, contact Jennifer or myself.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button above.

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Filed Under: Haiku Fridays, Mira ·