A Mommy Story

First off, thank you for coming out of lurkdom for my last post! I learned a lot from your comments, including I had no idea there were so many readers without children. I hope my blog is proving to be a good form of birth control for you – were I 22 and reading this, I’d be putting my ovaries on ice for several years.

Yesterday I had planned out a post about getting back into shape again, following the New Year’s herd and all, but was interrupted from this task due to the very thing I was going to write about.

You may have noticed new obsession with several bloggers: 30 Day Shred is the fitness regimen that apparently half of the world has adopted. I don’t know if it’s because we’ve all watched The Biggest Loser and thought, “If these 300 lb contestants can survive a workout designed by Jillian Michaels, I should be fine!” or if Jillian Michaels is a manipulative psychic, mentally projecting her DVD into our heads as the perfect get-fit tool. Either way, I took a flying leap onto that bandwagon and bought the DVD.

I did my research first. Or, rather, I asked others what they thought, with opinions ranging from, “It’s pure hell, but it works,” to “You’ll never feel so good bitching out your TV.” Hmmm…sounds like fun, right?

The last time I tried a new workout DVD, I had less than stellar results. So of course I once again set myself up for failure with another difficult workout by one of the hardest trainers available. This time I dragged Aaron along for the torture fun.

It sounds like a simple system: 3 minutes of strength training, followed by 2 minutes of cardio and 1 minute of ab work. Repeat x3. Only 20 minutes total. Anyone can hold out for those small amounts of time, right?

Sure, but not when those first 3 minutes are composed of alternating 45 second intervals of push-ups and squats. I had no idea 45 seconds could take so long! And after that going directly into alternating jumping jacks and butt-kicks. There was no time for a breath, no water break, no mercy.

At several points one of us would mutter “This is impossible!” and while we considered turning it off, we kept going until the end, then collapsed on the floor from our jelly legs and arms. (Did I mention that’s just Level 1? There are 3 levels.)

And that’s how I spent the rest of the day – with Gumby arms and legs, unable to even walk up stairs without holding tight to the handrail to prevent me from sliding back down the stairs when my legs gave out.

I knew today was going to hurt. Right now I am a rigid, slow-moving shadow of my usual self. When I sit or stand up, I groan louder than an arthritic 80-year old. Everything hurts.

I keep telling myself that this is a good hurt, though – I have tested my body, and it has given me a full report of its deficiencies, which can be summarized as: if you ever do that again I will slow your metabolism to a crawl, change your digestion to send you running to the bathroom at inopportune times, force debilitating migranes on you, and put your entire immune system on strike to punish you for putting me through that.

Eh, I think my body’s bluffing. It’s been through worse – like the years I did Irish dance regularly. It can protest all it wants, but I’m not quitting. I am taking it easy today, choosing Wii Fit over 30 Day Shred, because the Wii Fit’s insults don’t hurt as much as my thighs do right now. But tomorrow it’ll be time to scream obscenities at Jillian Michaels while doing bicycle crunches.

Is anyone else using a DVD or Wii Fit to help with getting fit? If so, what are you using, and do you like it? I’m wondering if others are finding it as hard to get in shape.