A Mommy Story

So aside from going to BlogHer (which I do plan to get back to talking about soon), life has been more than a little crazy for me.

Right before BlogHer, I was offered the job I was hoping for. I’ll be an RN in a labor & delivery unit at a small hospital in the greater Columbus area. I started the job on Tuesday, and while I’ll be working night shift eventually, I’m on day shift during my training. The pay isn’t as high as it is in the larger hospitals, but the atmosphere of this unit really called to me. OK, and the fact that they were the only ones to offer me a job. That helped, too.

I still have to pass my license exam, too. That’s coming up August 17. So forgive me if you ask me a question and I rattle off, “Normal potassium levels are 3.5-5.0” to you. I’m only a little frazzled.

The schedule is an adjustment for me. It’s been two years since I held a job I could explain to people in only one sentence. (So yeah, I work as a blogger. It’s essentially a freelance writer, and I work from home and set my own hours and yeah, it’s a real job. Well, sorta. It sometimes pays, but sometimes it’s only from ad revenue. What’s ad revenue? Well…) Working for 12 hours straight takes some getting used to, although that single-sentence description is quite nice.

And it’s the first time that I’m spending a significant amount of time away from Mira. I quit my part-time job when she was born, not only for nursing school but to be with her, too. We had to put Cordy in full-time daycare at three months old, and I hated myself for those seven long months she was there. I felt like I missed seeing her grow during that time, and I vowed to never do it again. I got to spend all that time with Mira, however. And now she’s two, begging to go to her summer camp five days a week. She’s ready to venture out into the social world of preschoolers, and she doesn’t need me as much. Which means I need to accept that and find a way to not need her as much, either.

That’s not all the change that happened this week, though! Nooooo, not for Aaron and I – when it rains it freaking pours and hails and produces hurricane force winds here. For not only was I offered a job, but then a few days later, Aaron was offered a job! Hallelujah and rainbows and smiling babies!

Aaron’s job offer was for an office job on the opposite side of Columbus from us. At first we were giddy with excitement – new job! They’d let him dress casual! We’d finally have a stable, steady double income! The pay isn’t the best, but money is better than unemployment, right?

But wait – there’s more! Then Aaron got an interview with a company to do freelance work! Much higher pay, too! At the interview, they really seemed to like him, and it’s very possible he’ll be offered a chance to do projects on a semi-regular basis with them.

Months of no job, and now suddenly job prospects everywhere. I’ve been waiting for change for a long, long time, and as you know this past year was a special kind of hell. Now that we’ve got our change, though, why do I find myself screaming, “Whoa! Too fast! Slow it down! I CAN’T HANDLE ALL THIS CHANGE!”

So we’re now trying to process everything. That first offer for a job for Aaron has some trade-offs we’re just now realizing. The hours would require a babysitter, and that sitter would need to work weird, sporadic times and need to transport the girls to their various therapies and activities. The cost for a sitter, along with gas for the 45 min. commute, would eat up much of Aaron’s salary. Plus it’s a 45 min. commute each way. Suddenly the giddyness is wearing off.

But the other position isn’t a sure thing yet. And if it does become a sure thing, it’s only freelance work – no amount of hours are guaranteed – making it not really a sure thing. But it would pay more, so we could budget appropriately for the lean times. Assuming he’s offered the position, of course. Aaron would also be home with the kids if he took this option, making sure they get to therapies and school and whatever they may need.

If. Assuming. Possibly. The control freak in me is going crazy with the lack of certainty right now.

We have to make a choice now about which road to take. The riskier choice, which still has one parent home at all times, but no guarantees on any money greater than my salary (which is enough to cover bills and necessary items), or the stable choice, which could still result in no more money than my salary, plus needing a sitter, but a stable job with some chance for advancement and more money.

Have I mentioned I’m lousy at making decisions? I can’t even pick the fastest checkout lane at the grocery correctly – how can I participate in making a life-altering decision like this?

Someone tap me on the shoulder after all of these changes pass so I can pull my head out of the sand, will ya?