Archives for July 2011

Not The Kind Of Dreams I Want

I came home from work yesterday morning to find a small swarm of ants had invaded our kitchen floor, conquering the chunk of bread crust they had found. As I wiped out the enemy forces, I made a mental note to give the kitchen floor a good scrub down as soon as possible to dissuade the little trespassers from coming back.

As I drifted off to sleep, I continued to worry about the ants coming back and how I needed to clean the floor soon.

Next thing I know, it’s late afternoon. I looked at the floor and decided that I had time to get it done before the rest of the family got home. I grabbed a bucket with soapy water, pulled out a sponge, and got to work cleaning the floor on my hands and knees. It felt like it took forever, but every nook and corner were cleaned and I felt satisfied that the ants would have to look elsewhere for any food.

And then I woke up.

I dreamed the entire thing.

Coming downstairs, I walked past the kitchen and thought, no way am I cleaning that floor. I’m already exhausted from scrubbing it in my dream!

If only I could have been sleepwalking (sleepcleaning?) while dreaming it.



Zoo Lessons

(I posted a similar conversation with Mira on Facebook, but this needs to be recorded for posterity. Or when I need to embarrass her as a teen.)

Me: So Mira, what do the elephants eat?
Mira: Peanuts!

Me: And what do monkeys eat?
Mira: Monkeys eat bananas, of course!

Me: And what do the manatees eat?
Mira: Mermaids!
Me: WHAT? Manatees don’t eat mermaids! They eat lettuce!
Mira: Well, I’ve never seen them eat lettuce.

Me: OK…uh…so what do butterflies eat?
Mira: Nectar!

Me: That’s right! And what do polar bears eat?
Mira: Polar bears eat fish! Yum, yum, yum!

Me: What about brown bears? Do they eat fish, too?
Mira: Noooooo, that’s silly. Bears eat humans!
Me: Mira, bears do not eat humans.
Mira: Yes, they doooo!
Me: Bears eat fish and plants and berries…
Mira: But sometimes they eat humans too.
Me: No, they don’t!
Mira: Well, I saw bears eating humans at the zoo.
Me: There’s no way you saw that, Mira.
Mira: That’s what I saw.

Me: [sigh] Fine, so what do zombies eat?
Mira: BRAINS!

I’ve gotta get this kid signed up for a Zoo Camp. She’s learned a lot about animals, but I think the bears and manatees are getting a bad reputation. (I mean, I know bears CAN eat people, but I’m pretty sure they’re not feeding humans to the bears at the zoo.)

 Go on, just TRY to convince her they don’t feed humans to the bears at the zoo.


Guest Post At Diets In Review

Not to brag or anything, but I’ve got a guest post up over at Diets in Review this week discussing the dreaded plateau and how to get past it.

And considering my history with plateaus, you know I’ve got some real-life, practical advice to share.

(I also love the image they selected to go with my post. They could have also used an image of a scale being thrown through a window. I’d have even volunteered to pose for that one.)

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