Archives for 2011

Jan 25, 2011

The Pre-Conference Freak Out

The past few days I’ve been in pre-conference mode, scurrying around here and there trying to get everything in place before I leave for the Blissdom Conference in Nashville, Tennessee. This involves a lot of last minute personal prep, including hair cut, eyebrow wax, and wardrobe selection (aka: OMG I have NOTHING to WEAR!) as well as laundry, grocery shopping, and last minute checks to make sure the family will get by while I’m away.

Yes – I do trust my husband to keep things running while I’m gone. But if I can make it a little easier for him, I will. Because no matter how hard he tries, I know he’ll still have to encounter resistance from Mira, who will miss her mommy with the fire of a thousand suns and give him enough attitude to fill an entire preschool classroom. She loves her daddy, but Mira is totally mommy’s girl.

Although I will be sure to leave him a reminder list a mile long, too. Not because I don’t trust him, just because he’s not as neurotic as me. He doesn’t walk the house twice each night making sure every door is locked. Or make sure the fireplace is off after going to bed when he can’t remember for certain that he did turn it off. Or peek in on the girls to make sure they didn’t come up with some fire hazard in their room before going to sleep.

What? You mean all moms don’t do that?

Truthfully, I have far greater fears over the next few days. First, I’m terrified that I’m going to look awful at Blissdom. These conferences are filled with so many beautiful women, and it’s easy for me to get intimidated because 1. I have no sense of fashion and therefore am often under dressed, and 2. have no ability to apply makeup without making myself look like a clown. You’d think that after attending so many conferences I’d have this down by now, but alas, it’s not yet the case. (Although in my defense, I’ll add that I’m getting better at it!)

I’d say I’m also afraid of the intense social interaction coming my way, but that’s really not the case. Sure, I’ll still have a lot of social anxiety, but I do a great impression of looking calm on the outside when I’m nervous on the inside. Past conferences have helped me master my social anxiety, and other than a little bit of conference-ADD, I’m usually pretty good at striking up a conversation. Just don’t ask me to remember your name – I’m lousy at names.

But my greatest fear is having to get on a plane Wednesday morning. I’m completely breaking my own rules about flying for this year’s Blissdom. My rules for flying are simple: no flying anywhere I couldn’t drive in a reasonable amount of time. Reasonable usually includes anything in a 12 hour radius, sometimes 16 depending on how long I’ll be staying while I’m away. I have never liked flying, will never like it, and will always take any steps to minimize

Nashville is only a 6 hour drive, and I had every intention to drive it. Then I realized that driving it would require me to take another day off work. (And my vacation days are unpaid – that’s expensive!) And then I realized it costs $18 a day to park at Opryland, which combined with the gas to get there is also expensive. And THEN I saw that I could fly there for $49 each way – NOT expensive!

So I’m ashamed to say that the almighty dollar is apparently stronger than my convictions against flying. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Anyway, to those I’ll be seeing in Nashville – take pity on me if I look like a Midwestern rodeo clown, and I look forward to us having a great time. And to those I won’t be seeing at Blissdom – know that I wish you could all be there with me!

Filed Under: Blissdom, clearly insane, me me me ·

Jan 21, 2011

Practice Makes Perfect?

By Christina ·

I’ve done the dieting thing many, many times. And over the past two years I’ve slowly figured out the best method for losing weight, by making entire lifestyle changes and incorporating healthier foods and more exercise into my daily life.

Of course I’ve had moments where I’ve slipped up, gained a little weight back, and forgotten some of what I had learned. Which always means getting back on the bandwagon and slogging through those first hard days all over again.

This time, though? Getting back on track has been much easier. I’ve fallen back into good eating habits with relatively few feelings of deprivation. I’m trying to find moments to squeeze in exercise. My team ordered pizza (thin-crust) at work tonight and I ate three squares (roughly 300 calories) and stopped. Hear that, universe? I ate pizza and STOPPED AT THREE SQUARES! Hell might just be a little colder right now from that event.

Maybe I’ve finally done this enough that my body is ready to accept it as the new normal. Maybe I’ve just finally grown some willpower over food.

I’m still logging my food each day using the Lose It app, tracking how much I eat and trying my best to stay under my calorie limit each day.

I’m also experimenting with different workouts. I love running, and really want to get back into it, but our outdoors is currently all SNOMG! and my closest treadmill is a 20 minute drive with limited hours when I’m usually sleeping.

My current favorite is Crunch – Super SlimDown. I found it on Netflix and gave this yoga/pilates blend workout a try earlier this week. I like it because it is challenging but not impossible. There are modifications for beginners and she walks through each move fairly slowly before doing it full speed. I finished the workout and thought “huh, that wasn’t too bad” and then woke up the next day feeling every inch of my midsection. I had no idea I worked my abs that hard, but oh, I feel them now! This one is definitely part of my weekly rotation from now on!

The goal I’ve set for the next week is to focus on drinking more water. I tend to drink only caffeinated drinks – especially diet soda – and I know it’s not the best for me. So I’m going to start squeezing a few more cups of water in between each diet soda and see if it helps me feel better.

Filed Under: Uncategorized ·

Jan 18, 2011

Illness & Rare Moments of Clarity

By Christina ·

When Cordy’s teacher called me on Friday to tell me that Cordy was complaining of a sore throat, I wasn’t convinced. Cordy had been practically vibrating around the living room that morning, excited about going sledding with her class. I figured she had simply burned out on excitement and was claiming a sore throat to be given the chance to rest after expending so much energy.

The teacher wasn’t convinced, either, as Cordy went from complaining about a sore throat to happily eating a snack. Cordy had no fever, so her teacher wasn’t inclined to send her home, and I agreed. Cordy had a great day and came home happy.

Saturday I was gone for most of the day visiting a friend, and when I left everything seemed fine. When I came home that night, I was given the report that Cordy had fallen asleep at the table in a restaurant for lunch, and then refused to eat anything for dinner that night. When I peeked in on her, she was curled up in bed with her PJs on and an adult-sized fleece jacket over it all.

It wasn’t until early Sunday morning that my fears were confirmed, when I heard a low moaning sound coming from her room. When I went in she was tossing back and forth in her bed, saying she hurt all over. She was hot to the touch, too. No doubt, she was sick.

Cordy has the strongest immune system I know. She’s only been sick a handful of times, often avoiding the common colds and stomach viruses that go around. While I’d like to claim credit for good parenting and teaching her about proper hygiene, I know that isn’t likely the reason – after all, she’s a 6 year old with a sensory fear of water. So when she’s sick, I get concerned.

She spent most of Sunday either on the couch or in her bed. All food was refused, but she did drink a little bit of juice for us. Medicine helped the fever for a little while, but it always came back quickly. I could only sit by her side and hold her hand, telling her to rest and that she would feel better soon.

The worst part was her realization that she was sick, and that sickness can lead to death. “Mommy, am I going to die from being sick? I don’t want to die, I want to live,” she cried to me at one point. I held her tight and assured her that she would be fine and that everyone gets sick sometimes.

But something else happens when Cordy gets sick – she also becomes amazingly clear-headed. Instead of the random thoughts that come out in a rapid-fire string of consciousness, she can hold long conversations and remain focused on the topic at hand. She doesn’t get easily upset over little things, and she doesn’t have the same low threshold for sensory overload. She’s quieter, more still, more deep in thought and more aware of everything around her.

I can’t describe it well, but it’s as if the fever somehow blocks her autism and lets the child that is tangled up in it shine through. And while I’m always concerned about her when she’s sick, I also took the time to marvel at how different she is during these moments.

By Monday morning she was still weak, but starting to feel better. And by Monday evening, the Cordy we know and love was asking to eat dinner.

I’d never wish for Cordy to be sick, but I’ll admit that when she is sick I do take advantage of those rare quiet moments with her, comforting her, holding her hand, stroking her hair, and remind myself how grateful I am for all that she is, whether sick or healthy.

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, love · Tagged: sick child

Jan 17, 2011

Remember Me?

By Christina ·

Hi. Oh, yeah, I did have a fitness blog here, didn’t I? Whoops.

OK, brutal honesty: December sucked. I didn’t exercise, I didn’t watch what I ate, and I certainly didn’t step on the scale. I ate with reckless abandon, enjoying all of the baked goods of the season gleefully. As the holidays got closer and free time was shorter, fast food became a staple as well.

And then it was the week after Christmas and I stepped on the scale. Ouch. I gained five pounds back.

So here we are, January, the month of fresh new starts, and I’m once again completely serious about losing weight. I’m using the Lose It app to track my eating, keeping myself under my calorie goal each day. I’m also relying on Healthy Choice meals once a day – they really help me feel full without the excessive calories. After a week of tracking, I think I’m getting good at remembering just how big an appropriate portion size is – turns out those pints of ice cream are not individual servings. And my stomach, while still grumbling a little at the changes, is adjusting to less food and shrinking to meet my current needs.

Exercise is a little tougher to control. I’m getting over a cold and still so very tired. My third-shift work hours don’t help this, either. I’m lucky to get 6 or 7 hours of sleep on a really good day, and when given the choice to exercise or get more sleep, I tend to choose sleep. But I’m trying to fit it in where I can. Last week I did an exercise DVD on Monday, and then went to the gym to run on Friday. Baby steps, right? Sadly, we still have a lot of snow and ice outside, so I don’t feel comfortable running outside yet. A treadmill at the house would be a wonderful thing to have, but I doubt we have any room for a treadmill at the moment.

After only a week or so of making active healthy choices, I’ve already been rewarded with a three pound weight loss. I know it won’t continue to go that fast, but it felt good to be a little bit closer to my lowest weight before I gave in to the season of gingerbread and buttercream frosting. As of my last weigh-in, I’m at 179.2 pounds.

Somehow I’m going to find the motivation to keep this momentum going. I want to be healthy. I want more energy. And I want to look stunning by summer. (Or hot by BlogHer, if you prefer.)

Filed Under: weigh-in · Tagged: defeating the sloth, distractions, off-track

Jan 14, 2011

Giving In

By Christina ·

When it comes to school lunches, we prefer to pack for our daughters. I’ve seen Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution, I know how nutritionally deficient most school lunches are. French fries and ketchup count as vegetables – don’t even get me started on ketchup packets where tomatoes aren’t the first ingredient. Everything is breaded and fried and/or processed and prepackaged. The school menu looks like one processed food item after another, filled with artificial ingredients, fat and sodium.

Packing lunch has never been hard for Cordy. She’s a creature of habit who generally avoids new foods. And so every day she is thrilled to eat her PB&J, goldfish crackers and Annie’s fruit snacks. She even turns her nose up at chocolate milk because it’s different. (And we’re not about to try to push her on that, either.) She comes home each day with an empty lunchbox and usually a little peanut butter still on her mouth.

Mira is another story. At the beginning of the school year, she was thrilled to have a packed lunch like Cordy. She carried her lunch bag with pride, pointing out her name written in Sharpie on the top. But then she arrived at school and saw what the other kids were eating. And she saw the chocolate milk. She begged for chocolate milk – after all, chocolate ice cream was great, so chocolate milk must be awesome, right?

Even though she didn’t pay for a lunch, her teachers started giving her small cups of the chocolate milk because they always had extras. We frowned on it, but didn’t outright forbid it, and quickly learned that her teachers – like so many others – aren’t immune to her charms. So she started drinking chocolate milk with lunch.

But then I noticed she’d come home from preschool and some of her lunch was still in the bag. Sometimes she’d walk in the door and immediately tell me she wanted to eat her goldfish crackers, so I figured she was simply saving them for an afternoon snack. Occasionally I’d see notes from the teacher that she ate some of the school lunch, too, and they didn’t mind because they always have extras. Okaaaaaay then.

Over the past few weeks, though, Mira has come home with most of her lunch still tucked safely in her lunch bag. It’s frustrating to have to throw away an entire PB&J sandwich, and Aaron (who makes the lunches in the morning because I’m at work) was getting increasingly angry with her. He decided to try a different approach, thinking that maybe Mira wants more variety in her lunch. He began asking her each morning what she wanted for lunch, and then packing her requests. We hoped this would solve the problem.

However, earlier this week she brought home a salami and cheese sandwich, untouched, along with her other lunch items. Despite asking for it that morning, she decided not to eat it and ate the school food again instead. Throwing another wasted sandwich in the trash, Aaron declared that he was done making lunches for her. I agreed.

I’m a little surprised at how easily I agreed to let her eat the school lunch. But I can’t stand to see the food that we pay so much money for wasted every day. It still makes me cringe to think of some of the foods she’s eating. The little comfort I have is that, unlike Cordy, Mira appears to have no food sensitivities to artificial ingredients, so at least the junk food doesn’t affect her behavior.

She’s a stubborn three year old and she’s found how to get her way on this issue. (Please don’t think she gets her way with everything, though. Her pout and fluttering eyelashes have only limited power on Aaron and I.) She manipulated her teachers into letting her eat the school food even though she had a perfectly good and delicious lunch in her bag each day. And she pushed us to the point where we have given up and stopped packing her lunch.

She won. Or at least she won one battle. She’s already upset that she can’t take her Thomas the Tank Engine lunch bag to school anymore, and I’m not giving in on that. There’s no point in taking an empty lunch bag to school.

Sigh. I can already tell Mira is going to be a challenge as she gets older. I only hope I can convince her to use her master powers of manipulation for good, not evil.