A Mommy Story

It’s no surprise that when receiving a gluttony of gifts, you’re bound to get a few that make you say, “Huh?” You know what I mean – gifts that make you wonder what that person was thinking when they tossed it into the gift bag.

I have to admit that most of our relatives are competent gift givers. They actually take the time to think about what a person might like as a present. But every family has to have that one crazy family member, right?

Once again, my Great Aunt Dorothy has taken the prize for worst gifts. An item is only a good gift to her if it is on sale, preferably 75% or more off, and she has a coupon as well. If a store is closing, you can bet we’ll be seeing products from that store at the next holiday gathering.

Aunt Dot never gives individually wrapped gifts. Instead, we all receive large gift bags (now that Lazarus has been bought out by Macy’s, we no longer have gift bags made of Lazarus shopping bags), and in those bags is a random assortment of junk collected over the past year.

While little can top last year’s winner of the map of “Historic Millersburg, OH”, there were some puzzling gifts this year.

First up, in the category of, “Do you even comprehend what I’m saying?” is this little gem:

A nutcracker. I’ve told her over and over and over again that I do not like nutcrackers. First, I see no purpose in having a nutcracker that doesn’t actually crack nuts. Second, I think they’re a little creepy looking. And yet, having repeated my dislike of nutcrackers, I still get them every year. Besides this one (with Aunt Dot’s trademark price tag left on the item – good to know she spent less than $2.49), she also gave us a nutcracker ornament for the tree, too.

Next, is this cute little bear for Cordy, in the category of “Are you sure this thing isn’t infected?”:

Oh sure, you may be wondering, “What’s wrong with a stuffed bear?” and from the picture you can’t tell the problem. Hell, it’s even still white. But one day, when our technology allows us to share scents across the internet, you will understand. Except that by that time, the bear will probably be nothing more than ashes, because it is going out in the next trash pick-up.

The smell on this bear is a mix of cigarettes, rotten food, and bad breath. How it has remained white is beyond me, because it smells like it’s been dragged through a sewage plant, or at least through a house full of children with stomach flu. Where did she find this treasure? The thrift store, of course. While I’m known to frequent thrift stores for good deals, there’s no way I’d buy a stinky stuffed animal there. If it can’t be washed, I don’t want it given to my daughter.

Other interesting trinkets in the gift bag included a random selection of mis-matched, paper-thin washcloths, some outdated soup, and off-brand cashews that are chewy (just like last year…and every year). But the weirdest, most off-the-wall, Christmas gift of 2006 has to be this:

Store-brand, instant non-fat dry milk (nearly outdated). Need I say more, other than “WTF?”

It is the thought that counts when it comes to giving gifts. I just wish I could understand the thought process behind the gifts Aunt Dot gives.

Edit: After Kristen’s urging, I’m now entering this into the Worst Present Ever contest over at A Mama’s Rant. If you got a bad gift, be sure to go enter the contest as well!