I have no idea what day it is right now. I think someone told me it’s now June. Wow, that came faster than I thought.
We’re still in survival mode here, trying to get used to life with two children. Yesterday, Aaron took Cordy out for a few hours, leaving me only Mira to care for. I ate lunch, decluttered the living room a little bit, and fed Mira. As I sat there nursing her, I laughed to myself, thinking: I used to think this was hard? Taking care of one is a breeze!
Cordy is handling the new addition with the grace we expected – which is none at all. She’s doing her best to ignore the baby, and acting out in new and exciting ways, mostly directing her anger towards Aaron and I. She’s hitting, she’s screaming, she’s doing things she already knows aren’t allowed, and she’s physically hurting herself. Today, during a time out, she repeatedly bashed her head on a wall until she slightly bloodied her nose. Fun times, people. It makes my heart ache to see her hurting so much.
So far the post-partum hormone dump is only affecting me minimally, but I’m still waiting for the fallout. I had one sobbing fit on Monday night in the hospital, when Cordy came to visit for the first time. Aaron brought her in and said, “Look, there’s mommy!” She walked right up to me, looked at me, and then replied, “That’s not mommy!” Ouch. She eventually warmed up to me, but then when it was time for her to leave, I had to endure seeing her realize that I wasn’t coming with her, and see all hell break loose. Strapped in her stroller, with large tears streaming down her face, she cried out “No! Mommy! Mommy!” and tried to reach for me as Aaron took her out of the room. I could hear her screams all the way until they reached the elevators.
Physically, I’m still down and out. It isn’t as bad as a c-section recovery, but I wasn’t quite prepared for this. My nether-regions are unrecognizable, with the swelling, the stitches from the giant tear, and the hemorrhoids. Pooping is an ordeal that requires mental preparation. And I’ve already warned Aaron that sex is unlikely for a long, long time. Are there any good remedies for healing my girl parts? While I love the Dermoplast numbing spray the hospital gave me, it only masks the pain, and the Tucks pads aren’t that helpful. Things will go back to normal down there, right?
Mira is so far very different from Cordy. From the beginning, Cordy seemed to be angry at the world for being pulled out of her warm home in my uterus. She wanted nothing to do with nursing, and spent a lot of time crying. Mira took to breastfeeding like a pro from the very beginning, and so far (knock on wood, or well, wood laminate for me) she’s generally not too fussy. We had some issues the first two nights at home, when she would only sleep up against me in bed, but last night she slept in a sleep positioner and managed a 4 hour stretch. She also went out with us for the first time today, and slept for most of the trip. I keep hoping that she will be different from Cordy entirely, and we might just skip that whole colic phase.
Having Aaron home for two weeks full time, and then four weeks part time makes me want to send flowers to the State of Ohio as thanks for their parental leave policy. With Cordy, Aaron only had a couple of days off, but now he’s here for two full weeks to help make that adjustment. I honestly don’t know how I would manage without him right now.
So, we’re doing our best to find normal in our lives again. At the moment everything feels so overwhelming, but I know that eventually we’ll fall into a routine and I won’t feel so out of control. Until then, I have to struggle to find ways to make room for two needy little girls on my lap.
Literally staying off my feet (as much as possible) was what really helped when I had hemorrhoids afterwards. As for the other discomfort, it really just took time. I’m sure you’ll see big improvements after another week.
Oh honey, I wish I had advice, just rest
Oh jeez, you made my heart squeeze telling how Cordy screamed when they left the hospital, if I’d have had a clue I’d have told you beforehand to try and walk them to the car. I figured that one out somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd kid… makes it a bit easier on all.
Cordy will eventually accept Mira, and it’s awesome that Aaron gets to stay home so long for you. Your routine will come and it will be so vastly different from the one you had previous to Mira you won’t even recognize it as the new routine until long after it’s been established. The hardest transition of all is from one to two, if you can survive that (and you WILL) anything after is cake.
On the plus side, the nether regions heal pretty quickly.
Okay..so forgive me for not finishing this post.. hehe. I have 4 weeks left (should this one arrive on time) and how it will affect my daughter is on the forefront of my mind all the time. My eyes teared up with the thought of her coming to visit me in the hospital and like Cordy, realizing that I’m not coming home with her. I really hope that you guys get to have some alone time soon when you can get some cuddles and snuggles from her. This must be so hard on you to see her going through this emotional twisting of feeling like she needs to act out like this.
Um..when I say not finishing the post it was because I had tears in my eyes..hehe..I just realized how it looked…hehe
1) The nether regions have amazing powers of healing. After my forceps delivery and full episiotomy (with Bub) I was quite resigned to the fact that I would be hooked up to a catheter and living an asexual life henceforeward – but the body is amazing. Unfortunately no advice here on how to relieve the pain in the meantime – Tucks are all I’ve got.
2) Ignoring the baby is good. (Much better than hitting the baby, which is the other popular response.) Bub dealt with it by designating hubby as “his” parent and ceding me entirely to the Pie. I did my best to spend one-on-one time with him (and loved these opportunities), but the bottom line for him was that his dad was NOT allowed to pick up the baby while he was in the room.
(Oh – and the ignoring lasted for us until Pie was old enough to go in the Jolly Jumper. The day we put her in their, all vertical and stand-y like a real person, his amazement was palpable. She was a person! Someone he could play with! It was like Christmas and Easter all rolled up into one.)
Aww, Mira is beautiful! As for your nether regions, they will go back to normal even though it doesn’t fell like it ever will. =)
My midwife suggested a herbal (or sitz) bath. So I bought herbs to put in warm bathwater, sat in that for a couple minutes and then sat in an ICE COLD bucket of water and ice for one minute and then back to the warm herb water. I continued going back and forth a couple of times. It felt really good and I healed much faster than I expected. Ask your doula if she is familiar with this remedy. If not, go to a store that sells dried herbs and ask them to compile herbs for you for a postpartum herbal bath. Or you can buy a mix online:
http://www.yemaya.ca/natal.htm
Good luck! And hope Cordy adjusts to Mira soon. Before you know it, they will be BEST friends! =)
It’s always nice for a baby to buy her big sister a present. Worked over here. Oh, and though I’m sure you’re doing it, every once in a while, when you’re reading to Cordy or playing a quick game while the baby sleeps, if Mira wakes up, make sure Cordy hears you say “One second Mira! Mommy has to finish with Cordy’s book!” And try not to tell Cordy that you’re busy doing something with the baby too much: “I can’t right now, I’m changing the baby’s diaper!” Instead, say your hands are busy. Seriously, for jealous toddlers, these things make a difference.
Good luck! Everything (kids, privates and all) will begin to feel normal again. It’s a slow process!
It does get better — but know that even my sweet little angel Q became demon child when the baby came. Not towards him but she didn’t love the whole “baby is in your lap” deal.
It’s way better now!
My Ashleigh took about two months to FINALLY warm up to her baby sister. It was a tough time. She never has time outs normally, well she had several a day for many many days. Feeling like you’re a bad Mom for interupting their lives is so hard. Have heart. So, I also had stitches and TERRIBLE hemmoroids as well. They were unbelievable. I didn’t cry at all through labor and birth, but after everything wore off, their pain was the worst. My husband bought one of those dounut pillows for me to sit on(a God-send, $20 at Walgreens) and I got a perscription of a cream called Analpram HC. A hydrocortisone acetate with 2.5% and pramoxine HCI of 1% The hospital gave this to me, only after we tried all the other regular remedies. It took several weeks of using that cream every six hours for everything to be back to normal. But it was only a few days to feel real relief. Maybe you can get some of this, it was better than tucks by far(had to use them during the pregnancy, too.) Hope this helps! You’re doing great, really! And it will get better. Soon, Cordy will share and like her baby-sister too. Ashleigh loves Sydney now, and makes sure that I am there when ever she needs me. It’s like having another Mommy, now.
I’ve heard that witch hazel on pads is really awesome, especially if you stick them in the freezer for a bit so they are nice and cold.
Love that last picture. So precious. Glad that Aaron has so much time off.
I think that what you are doing is even harder than twins. My kids needed the same thing at different times and they already knew each other. We didn’t have to warm them up to each other.
You are a trooper lady.
Since I had a c-section, I don’t have any nether region advice. Hope things feel better soon!
cold witch hazel pads are a great choice – also comfrey bath, get some comfrey and wrap it in guaze with a rubberband and soak it in a bath, or use it as a compress, it will speed your healing. Cold will reduce your swelling , believe it or not it won’t take as long as you think to feel significantly better, but to feel completely better also give yourself time to stay off your feet – it’s full 6 weeks for complete recovery for a vaginal birth – congrats on your VBAC, by the way!
As for siblings, the new normal will come in time! They have short memories, thankfully, and soon she won’t be able to remember before she had a baby sister.
Someone already mentioned analpram…good stuff!
I am in the same survival boat. So glad Aaron can be there to help.
It’s only been 3 weeks and it’s already getting better, hang in there!
She is gorgeous and you look fabulous!
Nether region advice: Take one of Cordy’s diapers, soak it with water and freeze it. Sitting on a frozen diaper is fantastic. Also, use the boppy to sit on if you can, it works just like a donut pillow. It took a very long time to get my girly parts back to the new normal. They never go back to what they were.
Dan stayed home for a week. He took Aveline out a lot, so I could rest. I would sleep as much as possible during the next two weeks. Dan and I basically split responsibilities when it came to the children. I focused on Scarlett and he managed Aveline. Toward the end of our time, I began working with him to figure out how I would do it alone.
Did you get our package?
After I had Dawson, I couldn’t stand the painful crotch. It was awful. We were remodeling (read: still in the process) our bathroom and didn’t have a bathtub.
I had to go to my parents every few days to take a sitz bath because that’s the only thing that took away the pain. At least for a few moments.
Dermoplast was my best friend. I hated the gigantic bandage/pads, though!
She is beautiful and I will keep you all in my thoughts and I WILL be back for help with just 1 … they are inducing me the week of June 11 – 16 … she is TOO big and the rash has gotten worse!
I hope that Cordy adjusts soon, as I am sure she will … they always do!
I’m sure that things will settle down! All best.
PAIN RELIEF:
Send Aaron out for Thayer’s witch hazel. Brand matters. Thayer’s smells nice. Store brands smell horrible. It may mean a trip to a health food store, but it’s SO worth it, and make sure he doesn’t get the rosewater facial toner – just witch hazel.
Pour 1/4 cup on each of a bunch of big maxi pads (I think one bottle makes eight pads), stick them in a big gallon-sized zip-lock bag, and freeze them.
When they’re frozen, wrap one in a paper towel (probably best to avoid the kind with pictures or writing on them – just plain white) and stick it in your undies (obviously with a bigger pad or Depends or something to catch the liquid when it melts). Replace when necessary.
Those feel SOOOOOOOOO good – and even just plain ice is wonderful. When I was in the hospital with Sweet Pea the nurses would bring me crushed ice in a surgical glove – but only if I asked.
Second time around my midwives said that if there is such a thing as a private area in your back yard, letting your girl parts get some sun does wonders to heal tears. Of course you can’t put ’em out in the sun for too long for fear of sunburn. I never tried that one, even though our back yard had a privacy fence. ha ha!
I am so sorry to hear how hard this adjustment is for Cordy. Big hugs to all of you. Miranda is SO ADORABLE – thank you so much for posting the pictures! And I love your nickname for her – Mira is just beautiful.
I felt like I had two girls on me for about a year. Usually Strawberry tried to climb on my back when I fed Buttercup. Looking back, I’m kind of sentimental about the affection.
Mira is beautiful!
Oh Mira is so beautiful!
And I’m sorry to hear about how things are going for you right now. I hope Cordy adjusts soon and makes life easier on you. It’s so much for a little girl to handle, I guess.
Hang in there. You have a beautiful family that will get to “normal” soon.
I stayed in my jammies as long as possible, this way no one expected much from me until I was really ready. Congratulations on your newly expanded family!!!!!!
The PrepH wipes are a bit larger than Tucks, so I found them easier to use. All that stuff will heal sooner than you realize.
My heart goes out to you re: Cordy’s reaction. But I am glad Mira is being a good sport. In many ways, it is nice having the “tough” one first; those who get a completely easy baby the first try and then crazy-spawn for the second are completely flattened. But you’re a pro. 🙂
Eventually, Cordy’s protective behavior towards you will be towards Mira – and that will be a wonderful thing to behold. That sisterly bond will be TIGHT.
Beautiful, beautiful babe – Cordy will get there. As long as there’s always room in your lap for her, she’ll be fine.
The three of you look so cute together. Good luck with the healing. I was very fortunate with my c-section recovery. I can’t offer you any advice on what you’re going through now.
I didn’t read comments, so I don’t know if it’s been mentioned, but a sits bath helps tons! You can get one at any medical supply store. If you can’t find one, just sitting or a few minutes a day in a cool bath will help too. And in any case, if you do nothing at all, it will go back to normal. LOL.
I’m so sorry about Cordy being so sad 🙁 I think I’ve read somewhere that when people bring gifts for the baby, try to have a little gift for her too. AND try to let her help out as much as possible so she feels involved and not replaced. I’m gonna be in your same boat in 3 months, so if you find something that works, let me know!
I used a combo of recommendations above: Keri’s sitz baths feel wonderful on the stitches, followed by the frozen witch hazel pads eases the swelling, and sitting on the boppy seemed to make the hemorrhoids go away faster. But until then, try a stool softener. It may seem kinda gross, but squeezing it out feels much worse and delays healing.
Good luck with Cordy!
What a doll…and you with your two ladies…Cordy will have her ups and downs….it is an adjustment for all.
it is so amazing with no 2.
All the things that were hard with no. 1 you don’t even think about ..while you are faced with whole NEW things to deal with.
That photo! Oh my God, what a gorgeous little thing she is.
Hang in there with Cordy. I know it will get better. These are big changes for a little girl, let alone for her mama. (And I know the naughty bits will return to their glorious selves before you know it)
Oh wow, you’re in deep right now! But it will soon get better. As for the head-bashing, CJ did the same exact thing right after Andrew was born. His behavior changed about 2-3 weeks after Andrew was born. So there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’ll gtry to get in touch. Maybe we could take Cordy for a playdate one day if she lets us.
Oh I feel your pain with dealing with an older sister who just wants all the attention she used to get. It gets easier – it really does. As far as the nether regions I used to soak in a tub with warm water and Epsom salts. It worked wonders for me. Anyhow, glad to hear all is well for the most part!
OUCH. I had 2 c-sections, I tried the v-bac, but it was a no go. I hope you feel better soon and congrats on the new little one!
I so hope your #2 stays sweet and tranquil. I’m the same as you. #1 was colicky, spirited and tough. She still is but as a toddler, she is hilarious to be around. I FEARED #2 would be the same but he is sweet, cuddling and loving. Oh, and did I mention he sleeps?! 🙂