It was a good Saturday, overall. Cordy was with grandma, and Aaron, Mira, and I went west to Indianapolis to spend the day at GenCon. I think we’ve established that Aaron and I are geeks, so this should come as no surprise.
There were only two bad events all day today. The drive home was miserable, thanks to construction on Interstate 70. If you don’t live anywhere near I-70, let me explain: you can never travel on I-70 without at least one traffic jam, due to construction, accident, or just something shiny on the side of the road that everyone must stop and look at.
Today, two miles of construction took 45 minutes. And Mira, who doesn’t mind being in the car as long as it’s moving, did not appreciate the slow crawl during that time. The fussing and crying nearly made me turn the car around and set up a new home in Indy instead of facing that traffic. Sure, I’d miss Cordy, but maybe we could see her again someday when they started construction on the other side of I-70?
The other bad moment ruined my high for the day at the convention. I was dressed in an entire outfit of non-maternity clothes, had shaved my legs, brushed my hair, and thought I looked pretty damn good. Aaron was carrying Mira in the baby sling, which always gets a lot of attention (women love a man wearing a baby), leaving me baby-free and feeling non-mom-like. And then the following happened while visiting a friend’s sales booth:
(20-something woman dressed as an Elf walks up to us)
Woman: Awww…she’s cute.
Aaron: Thanks.
Woman: (gesturing to sling) That’s a great idea. She looks so comfortable!
Aaron: Yeah, they’re wonderful…(starts talking about pros of babywearing – I admit I wasn’t fully paying attention at this point)…It’s really a great way to get around and keep the baby happy.
Woman: (turning to me, and I swear she said this) And it looks like you’ve got another on the way?
At this point, I should also tell you that when she said this, she actually began to reach out to touch my belly! Seriously! Thank her little elven Gods that she didn’t complete her impulsive action or I might’ve gone all Orc on her.
Me: (totally aghast) No, I’m not pregnant, I’m postpartum.
Woman: (who doesn’t seem to realize the social faux pas she’s committed) Oh. Well, she’s cute! (walks away, elven cape flapping behind her)
WTF? Maybe an Elf has a shorter pregnancy, but I don’t see how I could be pregnant and showing when I have a baby who clearly looks like a 12 week old. I spent the remainder of the day sucking in my belly and plotting a trip to Macy’s to lock my mid-section into some kind of support garment for the rest of my life. Maybe corsets could come back in style?
And so I offer this small public service announcement: unless a woman tells you directly that she’s pregnant, or you see a baby’s head crowning, NEVER ASSUME SHE’S PREGNANT. Sorry, don’t mean to shout, but this obviously doesn’t get through to some people. Save yourself and the poor other woman some embarrassment and leave any and all topics of reproductive status alone. (Oh, and don’t touch other people’s bellies without permission, too. You might just lose that hand, especially if the woman isn’t pregnant.)
Blood and bloody ashes, no kidding she would’ve lost her arm if she’d touched you – and no court would have condemned you, dammit.
Here’s Slipshod’s gaming philosphy on elves: Every time he runs an RPG, he has a house rule that elves taste better. He calls them corn-fed. So when the big bad dragon is trying to decide which of the party members he’s going to eat, more likely than not, he’ll go for the elf.
Y’know what, as much of a blow as something like that can be to your self-esteem, I’ll bet that chick doesn’t have any kids and doesn’t know what a postpartum belly looks like. I’m not defending her in the least – I’m just saying that if you can keep that in the forefront of your mind, maybe it’d be easier to completely throw out what she said, since she has no clue.
Oh, I shudder with the horror!
I have another friend who went through the same – except the offender was a man who said something about “oh, you’re expecting twins?” as she pushed her 8 week old in the stroller.
Ack! What does she know anyway? Stupid elf.
I bet you looked great. 🙂
Poor you. Really, this chick probably thinks that the belly just vanishes miraculously 30 minutes after the baby is born!
This spring, I experienced something similar, only without having a baby. We hardly ever talk to anybody about our 4 years of hopeless trying and miscarriages, so this woman had no idea, but asking around: “Reet looks pregnant, is she?” was still quite thoughtless, especially since I heard about her inquiries later from another friend. With a wink that said clearly: “Are you, then?”
Sorry about bad English – it is not my first language.
Ugh… Sorry. I’m sure there are more stories of mistaken pregnancies than we would all care to remember…
Unfortunately, young elves have only seen the public version of “postpartum.” which means, back into size 3 jeans within a week, and not being seen until you look like you did before.
That said, she is SOOOO lucky she didn’t touch your belly!
Same think happened to me the other day. I was even sucking in my gut.
Stupid people…grrrr!
Even elves can be idiots.
Oh no she didn’t!!
I hate people like that! Obviously she either has never had kids or is too damned old to remember what it’s like to try and get your body back after luggung a kid around in it for 9 months!!
Some people!!
Oh honey, I’m so sorry. Should have grabbed her boob and asked her how long the implants have been in/out for.
I totally feel you too. I look about 5 months right now.
you went to GenCon! I have new and profound respect for you.And, what do elves know, anyway? 🙂
I’ve always heard that an elf’s mouth is bigger than its brain.
Stupid elves. They don’t know what they’re talking about.
And I never ask about pregnancies unless that person has confirmed it. I’m too scared of ruining someone’s day. Sorry your day was spoiled.
People are just plain stupid!
That is terrible.
You look awesome! I have seen you… in sweatpants even!!
I think it was Dave Barry (newspaper columnist) who said.. unless you see feet hanging out… do not ask.
Oh my gosh.. I think I would have fallen in a hole!! That is horrible!! your advice is well taken!!
Oh no! We need to ship her back to the North Pole!!!
You know, my husband actually did the same thing (before we had kids) to one of the nurses he worked with. The only thing was, she didn’t just have a kid. Her response to his pregnancy question: “No, I’m just fat” and then she threw a cup of soda at him! That was about 15 years ago. He still counts that as one of his most embarassing moments, and learned a valuable lesson.
Oh no she di’int!
You should have insulted her ears. Or her cookies. I hear elves hate that.
“Oh, no I’m not pregnant, but at least my ears aren’t pointy.”
Too much? I get catty about pregnancy accusations. grrr.
Oh dear– it was GENCON. People who don’t bathe or shower and are obsessed with dice. I should know because well, typically I fly up on Wednesday and don’t leave till Monday for a GENCON. 😉 Though our group does take regular showers and such… anyway, try not to take it personally and you should have TOTALLY made Aaron buy you a chain mail bikini to cheer you up.
And a guy wearing a baby needs a utilikilt. And when you’re at their booth, you get to oogle the guys they have there selling them (typically good eye candy).
Anyway– you would have gotten an perfect 20 on initiative on beating her up if you had chosen to, new D&D 4 rules or NOT!
She clearly has never been pregnant. She’ll learn! MWUHAHAHA.
Sorry for that elf’s ignorance.
Stupid Elf
Shoulda yanked her pointy ear a bit
Then asked her if it rattled something right in her brain…
I bet you looked great, anyone willing to walk around (even at a GenCon) with pointy ears should have no right to say anything…. ever…
Elves suck ass.
Years ago I was buying diapers for a friend and the cashier said “You look so cute pregnant!”. And I wasn’t even postpartum, nor had I ever been pregnant. I said thank you and mumbled “bitch” under my breath.
I’ve never commented on an unannounced pregnancy since then.
I did that to a girl once. Once. And I will never, as long as I live, do it again.
Even though, I don’t know you, I humbly apologize for the scenario.
It’s bad. I mean, baaad 🙂
Stupid elf! What makes people think it’s ok to touch peoples bellys and comment on their size???!! I never got that.
I never assume anyones pregnant even if they totally look it because you just never know. Once I asked a woman who was six months pregnant when she was planning to try for another kid because she was telling me about her second child (Which she didn’t have yet) but I didn’t want to assume she was prengnat just in case. She was so happy because she thought that since I asked she didn’t even look pregnant. She was like “Actually I’m already six months pregnant! THanks!!” I’d much rather brighten someones day like that then put them down.
I TOTALLY follow this advice. I saw a mom from my mom’s group yesterday and she looked suspiciously preggo. But, as I did not see any baby emerging from her nether regions I kept my mouth shut. It is suddenly cold here, and those baggy clothes could be what she likes to wear. I figure I will hear it through the grapevine if she is. Great post and good advice. I really do wish you would have been able to twist at least a finger or two off of the stupid woman. Congratulations on the self-control.
Had it happen to me—-and so have a lot of other moms. There is nothing that makes you feel worse. What a bummer—but I’m with mel—I bet you looked great. Great posts—been lurking but not posting.