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Jul 30, 2010

Tales of BlogHer Past (in Pictures)

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Many of you are familiar with the BlogHer conference, and for those who may not know, I’ll be attending again next week in New York City. This will be my fifth BlogHer, so I kinda feel like an old-pro at this now.

Leading up to this year’s BlogHer, I’ve seen a lot of posts so far featuring what to pack, what to wear, which shoes are the best, hair styles to best flatter your face, makeup and shapewear to help you look your best, how to dress for private parties…the list goes on and on. It’s exhausting, really.

Here’s some simple advice I’ve learned over the years:

1. Dress for comfort. If shapewear is part of your comfort (it is for me), so be it.
2. Wear clothing, makeup, shoes, and whatever else that makes you feel confident and ready to greet the world. (Or at least 2,399 other bloggers.)
3. And know that no matter how bad you look, it can’t be much worse than my first BlogHer.

I’ve been taking a look at photos from past BlogHers and I cringe at some of the shots of myself. I was heavy. I had a bad haircut. And I had no sense of style. OK, I still don’t have any sense of style, but I’m getting better at copying others.

Evidence? Yeah, I thought you might want some proof to back up those statements. So here you go, a quick look at me from BlogHer 2006 until now. Enjoy the walk down memory lane – memories that make me want to go out for a run right now when I think about them.

BlogHer 2006 – My first blogging conference ever, and I was scared out of my wits. I also had a 22 month old daughter and still couldn’t fit into any of my pre-baby clothing. Instead of working to lose the baby weight (which there really wasn’t any – I gained very little weight during pregnancy) I had managed to pack on some extra baby weight. I’m not sure how much I weighed, but it was somewhere around 225 in these photos, maybe more.

(I’m on the right, obviously)

Ugh, the full length shot. I’m surprised the button didn’t pop on those capris. And that’s all I had at this conference – denim capris and t-shirts. The hair was also a homemade dye job and the cut was a mall stylist gone hack-happy. I’m amazed anyone even talked to me that year. (PS – I miss you, Mary!!)

(l-r: Liz, Kristen, Catherine, me)
Sure, pasties were all the fashion rage that year, and I prefer to focus on those rather than the fact that I was the size of two of Liz. Also? It was hot in San Jose – even if I did wear makeup (which I didn’t), I’d have sweat it right off.
Overall? I was a big, hot mess. Yes, you can tell me I’m being hard on myself, but I still wish I could go back to make a better first impression.
BlogHer 2007 – So the hair did grow out, which is an improvement over the year before. My confidence was also higher this year.
(me with Elizabeth Edwards)
See? The hair isn’t as bad. And I was at least 10 pounds lighter. I suppose I could have tried to lose more weight before my trip to Chicago, but I did have this excuse:
(Look! We all had babies since we last met!)
Mira was born just 7 weeks prior. That I was even able to shower and put on matching clothes should excuse some of the flaws.

BlogHer 2008 – I made an active effort to lose weight for this one. But I only managed about 5-10 pounds. Still, I learned my lesson and let my hair keep growing, and finally discovered what a dress was!

(l-r: Julie, Liz, me)

That pic was after a long, warm night of parties. But look – a dress! And long hair really is my thing, I think.

(l-r: Kristen, me, Heather, Whitney)

And at this point I think I should point out that apparently I’m contractually obligated to be in a BlogHer photo with Liz and Kristen each year.

BlogHer 2009 – Last year, I was serious about wanting to put my best foot forward at BlogHer, and started my own Hot by BlogHer challenge, along with joining the Shredheads. I lost 20 pounds, felt great, and participated in my first 5K at BlogHer. Also? I no longer cared so much about trying to do it all and “build my brand” at BlogHer. I wanted to have fun and spend time with friends, and I did.

(me & Jennifer)

(me & Janny – photo courtesy of Karianna)
BlogHer 2010 – I have no idea what this year will bring. But I can give you a little hint:
I’ll be comfortable, I’ll feel good about myself and what I’m wearing, and I’m going to have a great time.
Filed Under: motivation ·


Jul 24, 2010

And Sometimes You Surprise Even Yourself

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Two years ago, I never could have dreamed that I could be a runner. I was out of breath climbing a flight of stairs.

A year ago, I could never imagine running 8 minutes straight. After all, I tried couch to 5k and I couldn’t get past the 5 minute running intervals.

So once I got past running 8 minutes straight this week, I took a look at the Week 5, Day 3 plan and was a little disheartened when I read the simple statement of, “Run 20 minutes with no walking.”

Um, WTF?

I just reached a huge milestone by running 8 minutes straight – a feat which took me TWO tries to accomplish, mind you – and now they suddenly thought I could more than double that?

I was immediately depressed and thought this was the end of the road.

I reached out to my running friends on Twitter for advice on how this was even possible. And – bless you, social media – they came through with lots of support and advice, the primary theme being: go slow, slow, slow.

It’s been really hot this week, so I waited until after 9pm to give this a try. Did I expect to actually do it? No way. I told myself that if I could just make it 10 minutes, I wouldn’t feel bad at letting myself have a walk break. 10 minutes was the best I was hoping for, really.

After the 5 minute warm up walk, I started out at a slow jog, forcing myself to slow down as much as possible so I didn’t tire myself out too quickly. The first few minutes were easy at this slow pace.

As usual, when I got about 5 minutes in, my body started to protest. It usually does this during the first run interval, with knees aching and legs feeling heavy and hard to move. It’s like my nervous system throws out one last-ditch attempt to get me to stop this crazy heavy exertion and go find the nearest ice cream truck instead. The best way to describe it is suddenly being hyper-aware of any little ache or sore spot in your body. It sucks, but I know if I push past it then it will all calm down.

I got close to 8 minutes, and while the aches were calming down, my breathing was starting to fall apart. I realized I could go even slower at that point and did so, regaining a decent breathing pattern while plodding on at a pace that a speed walker could easily lap me with.

At that point I resolved not to watch the clock. I focused on my music instead, trying to visualize the videos to the songs I was hearing. My body reached a comfortable numb state, where it kept moving and I did my best not to think about it. I realized just how muggy it still was as I breathed hard but resolved to keep going.

I finally looked at my time remaining, and was shocked to see that I only had 5 minutes left! At that point, I realized I couldn’t let myself stop now – it’s only 5 more minutes, right?

Those 5 minutes were perhaps the longest of my life. My hips started to burn, my side ached, and despite running as slow as possible, I was quickly losing all of my reserve energy. I was drenched in sweat and it was now dripping into my eyes and making it hard to see. But dammit, I wasn’t giving up at the very end!

At last, I reached the cooldown walk, and I roared a “YES!!!” in response. OK, maybe it was more like squeaked out a “YES!!” as I gasped for breath, but it felt like a roar.

I never expected to run for 20 minutes straight, even when I was doing it. But I did it, proving that I am capable of doing nearly anything. I need to give my body a little more credit, I guess. And trust my fellow social media running friends.

Translation to all reading this: YOU are also capable of doing nearly anything. If the woman who couldn’t even go up a flight of stairs without getting winded can do it, you can too.

Filed Under: c25k, motivation, success ·


Jul 9, 2010

Mind Over Matter

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So I’ve been fairly successful so far with the Couch to 5K training program. Each week has been progressively harder, but I’ve managed to glide through most of it with little difficulty. OK, the 3 minute run intervals in week 3 were a little tough, but I recovered quickly and didn’t feel beat up at the end of my run.

But then came week 4.

The plan for week 4 is to run for 3 minutes, walk for 1.5 minutes, then run for 5 minutes, walk for 2.5 minutes, and then repeat all of that one more time. That equals a total run time of 16 minutes. Now, before this week, the total run time was 9 minutes. Adding 7 minutes to the run time seemed like an awfully big jump to me, not to mention running for 5 minutes seems like forever.

From the second I completed the last day of week 3, I agonized over how I was going to handle week 4. I got stuck on this week last year, unable to force my body to comply with a 5 minute run. How in the world was I going to do this without blowing out a lung? Or a spleen?

Today was the big day. And wouldn’t you know it – the hottest day of the year so far. At 8:30am, it was already 79 degrees and muggy. But I refused to back down, putting on my running shoes, grabbing my iPhone and heading for the sidewalk. I was going to do this.

The first 3 minute run was hard, but then again, the first run interval is always hard on me. My knees use that first interval as their attempt to stop me by aching and stiffening up. It’s not until the second interval that a pleasant numbness sets in through my legs and I forget about any knee pain. It felt like 3 minutes were taking forever – I was surprised how far I was traveling. At the end of that interval, I slowed to a walk and caught my breath, glancing down at my iPhone to see how little time I had to recover before starting the first 5 minute run.

I wasn’t ready for the 5 minute run, but started on cue anyway. I focused on my breathing and keeping my pace slow, refusing to look at how much time I had left. After what seemed like forever, I gave in to glance at my iPhone, sure that I was nearly done with this interval. 2:39 remaining! I’m never going to make it! I thought. The sun was beating down on me and I could feel the heat radiating all around me.

Somehow I did make it, slowing to a walk again and gasping for air. The second 3 minute interval wasn’t bad, as I was focused on how I could get through the final interval without passing out on the sidewalk. I could see the headlines: Fat girl collapses while running in small suburban neighborhood during heat wave – health officials respond with “well, duh!”

I started the final 5 minute run determined that nothing was going to stop me. It’s all in your head, I told myself, mind over matter. If I believed I could do it, then I’d do it. But then my breathing pattern got out of whack, and I was gasping for air. My knees started screaming at me again, and a small pain started in my side. I tried to distract myself with anything just to keep plodding along at my slow jogging pace. Look at the trees! Count the houses! Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, just keep swimming…

Unable to resist, I looked at my iPhone: 1:45 left to go, and I was out of distractions. At that point I chose a new tactic, mentally yelling at myself, You will not f*cking quit! You will not be a quitter! over and over.

After all, I’ve quit so many things in my life. When something got tough, I just quit. It was easier to drown my depression in a Big Mac than to face my issues. Sitting on the couch watching TV never made me sweat or feel sore. A Snickers bar wouldn’t tease me or call me a nerd. Got humiliated – yet again – by a boy I was crushing on at school? No prob – my friends Ben & Jerry were there to console me. Couldn’t keep up with others in a dance? Fake an injury and quietly excuse myself to the sidelines.

There are a lot of things I’m good at. Most of them involve my brain and not my muscles. Those things require little to no effort, and so I’ve never had to quit them. It’s probably a good thing that I was born smart or I likely would have quit at school as well.

Interpersonal relationships and physical activity, though? The first I’m no good with but continue to try at (with plenty of escapes to food or other comforts to combat anxiety and defeat), and the other I’ve failed at repeatedly. I’m not athletic. I always came in last for every activity during Field Day in elementary school. I tripped over my patrol flag in 5th grade and broke my arm. I never made it on any sports team in high school. I’m best left at a desk by myself with a computer.

But I finished that run. My beautiful and tortured mind won out and got me through to the 5 minute mark, despite the heat, despite my burning lungs, despite the hefty frame I forced my muscles to move. As I walked back home, I felt lightheaded and dizzy, my head just as numb as my body. I knew I should be proud of that moment, and I was, although my mind used its rare moment of triumph to remind me that I barely survived 5 minutes, whereas other people can run hours.

I’m not letting that dark little voice get the best of me. Some part of me awakened today and fought past the negativity generated by a lifetime of being told I’m not good enough and will never be good enough. I don’t want to quit this time.

I ran for 5 minutes straight today. Twice. 16 minutes total.

And I’m going to do it again.

Filed Under: c25k, motivation · Tagged:


Apr 12, 2010

Um, OK, I Suck

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Tofuforyou reminded me the other day that it’s been awhile since I paid any attention to this new little project. I guess it was partially out of shame. You see, my weight hasn’t budged in over a month. On Feb 21, I weighed 187 pounds and today? I’m still exactly 187 pounds.

I’d be proud of my consistency if I wasn’t trying to actually lose weight, not maintain.

So yeah, still much of the same. What’s going wrong? Well, a lot of it is a lack of motivation on my part. Over the past month and a half, I’ve had the stress of being unhappy at my job, then searching for a new job, and then starting a new job. Throw in spring break for the kids, and exercise and eating right have kinda fallen to the side. I know, I know – it’s all excuses.

But I will say one good thing for myself: at least I haven’t gained any weight. Some of the changes I’ve made have stuck with me. I’m still eating smaller portions, still trying to look for ways to incorporate a little extra exercise into my daily life. I take the stairs more, park further away, etc.

I need to get back on track. But I don’t know how to get that motivation back. There’s a 5K being planned at BlogHer this July, and I’d like to run it. At the moment I’d probably collapse before the pack spread out. But I know I can get back to running again, if I can just find the time and the energy to get myself moving.

How do you motivate yourself? I’m open to ideas.

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