A Mommy Story

Did you ever notice that fingers and nostrils grow at the same pace? No matter how young, a child can always fit a finger in a nostril.

However, it’s not as easy when it’s an adult finger trying to get a booger out of a toddler nose. All day long I’ve been plagued by a stubborn booger in Cordy’s right nostril. It’s just far enough in that I can’t get it, yet far enough out to taunt me anytime I look at her. It’s driving me mad. I can see it, anyone who looks at her can see it, yet I can’t get it out.

I’m a little obsessive about boogers when I can see them. I don’t want my child walking around looking like no one has the time to keep her nose clean. But in these situations, the boogers stay just out of reach. I can hear the little crusty yellow devils laughing at me.

Trying to teach Cordy to blow her nose has been a failure so far. She just doesn’t get it, and I don’t blame her. She has no idea why I want her to blow air out her nose.

So how do you get a stubborn booger out of a toddler nose?

There’s the ol’ snot sucker: the bulb syringe that every child leaves the hospital with. While it has proved very useful at sucking out wet snot, it’s not as good at dry snot. Not to mention that Cordelia isn’t as compliant as she used to be when it comes to having her nose vacuumed out.

There’s the adult fingernail. Problem is, I have none. As I have mentioned before, my nails are painfully short, and I haven’t made any progress at growing them. Somehow, snot picking is not a good enough motivator for me to grow my nails.

I’ve also tried corners of tissues, twisted into a thin cord to fish out the offending booger. No luck. The tissue doesn’t have the strength.

I think it’s time to invent a new booger catcher.

It needs to be at least soft plastic or rubber, so it doesn’t hurt tender nasal passages. While I’ve considered tweezers before, the hard metal is not something I want to use on a struggling toddler. And toothpicks are right out. Soft plastic would be best.

It should be small enough to fit into a toddler’s nose, but not so small as to go further than it should. I don’t want something that could double as a tool used by Egyptians in mummification or by doctors for sinus surgery.

Finally, it needs a curved hook on the end. Kind of like a cross between a crochet needle and a soup ladle. Only with gentle curves, again, to not hurt the soft tissue in the nose.

If I could make or buy something like that to scoop out defiant boogers, my life would be so much easier. I’d push to have it on the “must-have” baby item lists for new parents.

So, if anyone out there is a baby product marketer – I’ve got a great new product for you! I guarantee it’ll be a best-seller, and none of your competitors will have anything like it!

Gee, wouldn’t that be something to be known for? The inventor of the booger catcher. Eh, who am I kidding? I’d be proud to be known for it!

OK, who’s first in line to get one? Anyone?