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Nov 10, 2010

Face the Truth

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So I’ve noticed several bloggers are taking part in a 30 Days of Truth blog meme. It’s a nice way to give yourself 30 days of blogging prompts, and while I’m all about jumping on board that bandwagon, there’s no way I’m doing 30 in a row. That would be too much commitment and way too much emotional sludge for me to slog through at once. I’ll just do them here and there and hopefully get through all 30 before I forget what the remaining ones are.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself

They decided to start easy, didn’t they? I could write a book about all of the things I don’t like about myself. From my dull, flat hair, past my big nose and all the way down to my monster feet, I’m good at finding fault with myself.

But what I really dislike is my lack of social understanding. The more I look inward, the more I can begin to understand and accept that I have a daughter with autism. My daughter’s pediatrician even admitted she thought I had Asperger’s. And as Cordy gets older, I’m starting to see the awkward moments I suffered through as a child relived by her.

I’ve never been popular. I was always the kid on the outside, wishing I could understand how to do the “right” things to be liked by others. My interests were never popular interests. I had trouble being witty on the spot, and often missed the social cues that I wasn’t wanted in a group.

I was told I was a freak and a weirdo, and I was bullied and shunned all through school for being different. I tried so very, very hard to fit in, mimicking others yet never quite getting it right. I couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong to never earn acceptance. I remember feeling suicidal more than once as a child and a teen, always confused about how I could be so amazingly smart in school but couldn’t figure out how to get people to like me.

As an adult, I’ve learned to blend in a little more, but I’ll admit I still don’t understand people. I’ve never figured out the secret to being popular, and sometimes it hurts that I know I’m rarely at the top of anyone’s list of people they like to hang out with. In public I make an effort to conceal some of my quirks.

When I’m funny, it’s generally on accident. (Ask our friend Baca about the scissors sometime. I made everyone in the room nearly suffocate from laughing so hard that day.) I suck at predicting how people will react to something.

I try to accept my geekdom, though. (The Big Bang Theory is one of my favorite TV shows and I understand nearly all of the humor on that show – Sheldon fans unite!) I’ll freely admit to strangers that I’m socially awkward at times, or that I need to drop out of a conversation quickly because I’m feeling overwhelmed. I know my brain doesn’t work the same as others and I’m not ashamed to admit it anymore. After all, I have a daughter with autism, and I want to make sure she doesn’t grow up thinking she’s a worthless freak like I did. Thankfully, being different is more accepted today than it used to be, but we still have a long way to go.

I’m sure it sounds like I’m being hard on myself, and I might be. There were kids who were just as unpopular as me in school. (A few possibly more unpopular.) But if I could change one aspect of myself, I’d love to be that person who can expertly navigate the world of popularity, winning friends and influencing people with ease, instead of the person on the edge of the social circle, wishing I knew how to be a little less awkward.

My personal anthem at the moment:

Filed Under: me me me, meme time, memories ·


Mar 19, 2008

100 Things You REALLY Want To Know About Me

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The other day I was reading through another blogger’s “100 Things About Me” post, and I have to admit I found it kind of…limited. (No, it wasn’t yours – I liked yours. Or yours – yours made me laugh. It was someone who probably doesn’t even know I exist.)

There were some interesting tidbits in there, but some of the things I wanted to know the most were missing. I mean, your first pet’s name is fine, but what if I wanted to know the most inspiring place you’ve ever visited?

I considered doing one of those 100 Things lists for myself, but when I started to write it, I found myself constantly deleting things. Oh, no one cares that I used to eat the freeze-n-eat popsicles by the 100-count box every week as a kid. Or that I had a really bad perm in 7th grade.

So instead, I’m going to leave it up to all of you. This is your chance to play interviewer and ask me anything you’ve wanted to know about me or my family. Leave a comment with your questions and I’ll reply to all of them. No question is too off the wall. (I’m really asking for it, aren’t I?)

I’d say that I’m going to limit it to 100 questions, but that would assume I’d get more than 100 questions. Or 10 for that matter.

So, uh, don’t leave me high and dry, OK?

Ask a question?

Filed Under: me me me, meme time, TMI ·


Jan 24, 2008

Hey, Hey, I Wanna Be A Rockstar

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OK, memes can get a little stale and boring. I’ve answered five (or was it eight? or ten?) random things about myself more than once. But this new meme that I’ve seen floating around the internet, well…this is just plain fun.

Do you want to be a rockstar? There were times as a kid when I dreamed of it. The fame, the fortune…but what would be the name of my band? Seems like all the good ones are taken. And what would I call my first album?

Well, kids, that has now been solved. I’d like to present my new band, Kabuki Quantum Fighter, and our first album, Those Who Ne’er Succeed:

(Original image by luisa_m_c_m_cruz)

Awesome, isn’t it? Yeah, we had some rough starts, but I think we’re the best alterna-rock mommyband out there. Our concerts are only held in the afternoons (so we don’t wake the kiddos at bedtime), and we insist all concert venues have appropriate diaper changing facilities.

Want to be a rockstar, too? Follow these steps:

1. Click this link. The first title on this page is the name of your band.

2. Now click this link. The last four words of the very last quote is the name of your album. If it doesn’t work at all, click the “New Random Quotations” button for more.

3. And finally, click this link. The third picture on this page will be your album cover. Add your band name and album title, and you’re done! (Please remember to give credit for the original picture.)

You’ll be seeing Kabuki Quantum Fighter on the next Lollapalooza tour. Fer sure. (Wait. Do they even still have Lollapalooza? Oh god, I’m out of touch with pop culture, aren’t I?)

I encourage everyone to play along, but since we’re supposed to tag a few people, I’ll tag Sarcastic Mom, L.A. Daddy, and Playgroupie (once she gets internet again, of course).

Filed Under: meme time, pop culture, random ·


Nov 29, 2007

Strong Women

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My two aunts – my mother’s older sisters – are very interesting people. One has her MBA and is an executive of an academic publishing company. In a male dominated business world, she’s fought for the recognition she deserves and refused to let her gender stop her from reaching her goals. As a child I always admired her expensive style, and as an adult I know she has worked hard to get to a position where she has the financial resources to live that high life.

My other aunt has her library science degree, along with a PhD in Middle Eastern Studies, earned from the University of Edinburgh with additional studies in Iran. She knows Arabic, and is a professor and librarian at a prestigious university. She can beat most people in Trivial Pursuit, and will correct your grammar in an instant. Even though she was from a poor family in rural Ohio, she never let that keep her from seeing the world and reaching all of her educational goals.

Both of my aunts have never married. They didn’t have time for it, and they weren’t interested in having children. That’s not to say that they dislike children – they have always enjoyed their roles as aunt. And they both consider education to be one of the most important things in a young person’s life.

Growing up, these two women were the most educated people I knew. And they were the ones who stressed the importance of education to me. I never knew that there was a choice to not go to college – I simply knew that after high school, college was the next logical step.

They also helped me form my identity as a woman. Seeing the successes of my aunts, I really believed I could do anything I put my mind to. In a small town where girls were expected to be good at Home Ec and English, while boys excelled in Math and Science, I was the winner of the Math award my senior year, honoring the student with the highest math scores over all four years of high school. I was the first girl in many years to win that award. I give some of the credit to my aunts, who encouraged me to do my best in all areas, especially math and science.

It always surprises me to meet women who believe they are less important, less valuable than men. My aunts taught me that I was an equal to anyone else, and not to let others try to shove me into a narrow definition of being a woman. Of course, I went on to marry and have children, unlike them, and doing so certainly slowed down any career aspirations. I love being a wife and mother, but there’s so much more to me than that. Continuing to learn and find new ways to make an impact with others is so important to me, too. I have a degree, I’ve worked on graduate degrees, and I’m now back in school to become a nurse. I enjoy writing and improving my writings skills through practice. I participate in social and charity groups to help others.

My aunts, along with my mom and my grandmother, provided the role models I needed to become the person I am today. I’m grateful that I had such strong support, and I hope that these women will continue to provide a positive influence on my daughters as well.

Thanks to Susan for tagging me for this very interesting meme! Now I’d like to pass it on to Bub & Pie, Violet the Verbose, and Momma to LG and ask them: who has influenced you in your life/career?

Filed Under: me me me, meme time ·


Aug 13, 2007

Bits & Pieces

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Mamamichelesbabies tagged me to reveal eight random things about me. I think I did this one recently, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to ignore her tag. Instead, I’ll modify it slightly to share some of my thoughts and updates that simply aren’t long enough for an entire post.

1. Cordy had her transition from the county to city school district early intervention today. Not one, not two, but three women showed up at our door to discuss where we’re going next. That’s three people to clean the house for, so I was up early trying to de-clutter as much as possible. The school district representative had to do a preliminary screening as a formality before the evaluation on September 5.

2. Can you guess how she behaved during this screening today? Yeah, like a perfectly normal, practically angelic two year old. Figures. I was half expecting her to offer them something to drink while she put away all her toys and made her bed. Still, they are going forward with the evaluation based on past screenings and my description of some of her behaviors. After they left, she had a big meltdown over a banana.

3. The onesie has now undergone three laundry treatments, and the stain has yet to relinquish its hold on the white cotton garment (although I do chip away at it a little each time). I’m going for the last-chance treatment: the bleach pen. Pray I don’t bleach myself and anything nearby in the process.

4. As an only child, I have to say I don’t know how second-born children ever get any sleep with a crazy older sibling around. Seriously, Mira doesn’t get a single good nap when Cordy is home. She can be in a deep sleep, and Cordy will run screaming past her, or accidentally kick her ball into the bouncer, or have a tantrum loud enough to wake her upstairs in her crib. My sympathies to all of you who were second born or later. You need a nap.

5. According to another neighbor, our next door neighbors (yes…them) will only be there through the end of September at the latest. They’ve already filed for bankruptcy, the house is included, but there is a state loophole that lets them live in the house another 60 days if they put it up for sale. So efforts to sell the house are all so they can live 60 days longer with no housing bill. I doubt they’re even doing much to stage the house. That would explain why the average visit by a potential buyer has been around two minutes. I don’t think they make it past the threshold of the front door.

6. How have I become such a bad bill payer? I used to pay every bill well ahead of time before kids. After Cordy, I still got everything paid by the deadline. Now? Unless it’s a bill I pay online, I’m lucky to remember to send the bill in before we get a second notice. Sigh. Must work on that.

7. But speaking of bills and money, I’m glad I took the time to look through all the bills from Mira’s birth. Turns out the stupid insurance forced me to overpay my doctor’s office by $500. The doctor’s office never bothered to tell me about the mistake, even after they noticed it. I called the doctor’s office last week to tell them I had found out about the overpayment, and I’d like a refund. I’ll get it in about 3-4 weeks. Had I never checked it out and called, they would have happily kept that $500. Check your insurance payments and bills carefully, readers. It could save you a lot of money. That money will help cover the other hospital bills.

8. I just realized that Mira is 11 weeks old. Next week marks the end of my federally granted 12 weeks of maternity leave from work. More on that tomorrow.

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Filed Under: being a mom, Cordy, meme time, Mira ·