Baby Steps Forward

Part of the challenge of starting a new job has been childcare. I’m training on day shift for all of April, and while Mira’s preschool has flexible drop-off and pick-up times, Cordy’s school has a specific start and end. If someone isn’t home when her bus stops at our house, she isn’t let off. (And serious consequences happen at that point.) Right now, no one can be home at that time.

Last week was Spring Break, so we had a little time to find a contingency plan. The solution was latchkey, a program in the school designed to allow working parents to drop their children off early in the morning and/or stay late after school. Latchkey has teachers to provide activities, snacks and supervision for kids of all ages. There was an opening in her school’s latchkey, so with the (cautious) recommendation of her teacher, we signed her up, and her first day was Monday.

I was worried about how it would work out. When we met with the latchkey teacher, I explained Cordy’s issues and ways to work around her challenging behaviors. The teacher explained that as long as Cordy could follow the basic instructions and rules of latchkey, she would do fine. But that was my worry: sometimes the most basic rules are the hardest for her to follow.

Aaron reported that when he dropped her off Monday morning, she was a little resistant to going to the gymnasium and not her classroom. She didn’t want to put her backpack in the designated basket when she knew it belonged on her hook in her classroom across the hall. I hoped the afternoon wouldn’t bring a bad report and have us one step closer to looking for another childcare option.

That afternoon the teacher told us she did well. She had trouble in the afternoon during “homework time” and asked if we could bring in some activity books or coloring books to keep her occupied. No problem – Cordy will spend hours working on an activity book if allowed.

The second day is often harder than the first, but to our surprise Tuesday morning went smoothly. She put her backpack in the basket and didn’t complain at all. In the afternoon, the report was even better. The teacher said Cordy helped her set up the snack table for all of the kids, and was happy to work on her activity book during homework time. Her classroom teacher also said Cordy had a great day at school, too.

I think this might just work.

But school will be out for the summer in less than two months. So my thoughts have turned to summer camp. Trying to find a summer camp that is affordable and will accept Cordy isn’t an easy task. We could send her to the camp she attended last year, but it’s very expensive and the fast-paced schedule for her age group would likely be too much for her to handle. And let’s not even mention the daily swim lessons – I don’t want to relive that nightmare again.

I’m currently researching two summer camps for Cordy. One is a camp for children with varying levels of special needs (kids without special needs are welcome too), with therapists present to help with anything she might need. No worries about her being kicked out. The other is a mainstream Montessori that appears to be welcoming to children with special needs and could be a great way for us to evaluate a different curriculum method for her.

I’m so proud of how hard Cordy works to fit into the world around her. On a very basic level, she’s beginning to understand that she’s not like many kids, and I think it bothers her. Latchkey is just the beginning of introducing her to more mainstream opportunities, and it could be the next link in getting closer to Cordy being fully mainstreamed.

I hope this just might work.

And her sister will always make sure she doesn’t feel alone in being different.


Not An April Fool’s Day Joke

Something I haven’t had the chance to share here (until now) is that starting today, I’ve got a new job. Yeah, I know, I didn’t really mention anything before today, but that was mostly because I wanted to make sure it was a done deal before shouting it to the heavens.

It’s not that I disliked my other job, because the truth is I really do like mother/infant nursing. I was less comfortable with labors, but I think I rocked the mother/infant part of my job. But it was an hour-long drive. And the 12 hour shifts left me feeling drained, so that even on my days off I felt like sleeping all the time.

More importantly, we’re working to get Cordy involved in more activities and social skills classes. Which requires a lot of after-school time. And money. In my old job, I had to leave for work soon after Cordy got off the bus, leaving no time for these extra activities. Aaron would then take over care of the girls in the evening. It’s hard to take Cordy to therapy when Mira doesn’t appreciate being dragged along.

So it was a hard choice, but an opportunity presented itself that I couldn’t refuse. My new position is here in Columbus and is a short drive from my house. It’s eight-hour days. And it pays much better. In all, it provides everything we need at this time. If I’m going to work full-time, then I might as well make sure it’s the perfect fit for me and my family, right?

I’ll also still be working with moms and babies, only in a less hands-on manner. I’m going to be one of several nurses working on a support hotline for new parents, where parents can call or e-mail with any infant feeding questions, be it breastfeeding, formula feeding, or solids. I’ll know more after my first day of orientation today, but so far everything about this new initiative sounds awesome, and I’m hoping it’ll be a huge success.

Sure, I’ll miss the hands-on care I enjoyed in a hospital setting, and I’m planning to find some occasional work on a mother/infant unit to keep my clinical skills from getting too rusty. But I don’t feel bad about this job change – it was necessary for my family and for me, and everything fell into place so quickly that it felt like it was meant to be.

Wish me luck on my first day!



2010: Now This Is More Like It

I wanted 2010 to be the year of everything awesome. And so far, it’s not too bad. In fact, today kind of feels as far from 2009 as it could possibly be.

After a year and a half of unemployment (aside from a four-month contract job), Aaron started a new job today. It’s only a three-month contract for now, but the plan is to hire him on as a full employee at the end of the contract. Basically, the contract is his trial period. His first day went well: the job is creative and challenging and his coworkers are friendly and welcoming. I’m hoping it works out and he’ll be happy with his work.

As a result of his new job, we had to juggle our childcare situation. Aaron will be working traditional office hours, and while I work nights, we still need someone to cover on the days when I’ve worked and need to sleep. Cordy’s in school full-time, but Mira had only been in preschool two half-days a week.

So today Mira went back to her school, but into a new classroom. She’s attending three full days a week now, giving me a chance to sleep more, and giving Mira what she wants – the chance to spend more time at school. (The other days will be covered by a friend and family.) At two-and-a-half, Cordy hated being outside of the house, and would have fought going to preschool each day. But Mira, our little socialite, loves school and would complain when we picked her up each day.

I worried that a full day schedule might be too much, even for Mira, but when I picked her up at 5:15pm, she responded to seeing me with, “I don’t wanna go home.” Apparently she had a fantastic day, and is thrilled to go back again tomorrow. All is well with the changes in her schedule.

OK, nothing much has changed for Cordy. Other than she will now be sent home with homework starting this week. Homework? In pre-K? School has changed a lot since I was a kid.

As for myself, I’ve got a few days off right now and I’m finding myself happy to be more involved in directly caring for my girls again. Since starting work, I’ve been on the periphery at home, with Aaron taking on the bulk of childcare while I have waffled back and forth between being a day walker and a child of the night. Adjusting my schedule back and forth is terribly hard, leaving me feeling like a shell of myself at home with my family.

But with Aaron working now, I have to step up and force myself to be more involved again – and I like it. I like being the one preparing lunch, doing the school drop-off routine, reading with Cordy, playing games with both girls, etc. I missed doing all of that. Well, maybe not all of it, but a lot of it. We’ll see how things go once I’m back to work later this week. I hope I’ll be able to find some inner strength to be everything to everyone without cracking.

Even our house got a little update today. Thanks to an awesome Black Friday deal, we got a new microwave. Our current one is on a little stand taking up way too much room, and I wanted something above-the-range so I could replace that little stand with a pantry. Today, part one of that plan was accomplished:

Before:

Um, yeah, ignore the mess around the range.

After:

Shiny! Pretty!

So yeah, let’s keep 2010 moving right along on this positive wave, OK?



An Aching Back Isn’t A Reason For An Early Induction

There are so many things that I like about my new job. I mean, I get to assist in bringing new babies into this world! I get to pass on wisdom and knowledge about caring for a tiny human being to new parents! I have the chance to hold a laboring woman’s hand and tell her that yes, she is capable of performing this incredible act of human endurance and strength.

But it’s not all sunshine and soft baby butts, either.

I can list several things that aren’t so pleasant about my job, too. Like the incessant charting of nearly every detail that we must perform, thanks to our litigious society. Or performing vaginal exams to check for cervical dilation – which is actually kind of exciting, until you think about the fact that you spend your day with your hand in other women’s vaginas.

There is one particular part of my job that I truly dislike, however. Actually, it’s not so much an aspect of my job as it is a type of patient. I’d like to tell you all that this type of patient is rare, but in my two months on the job I’ve already seen this type of patient appear at our doors several times.

(And for those who don’t know, for the sake of privacy and HIPPA, I won’t ever be telling detailed stories about individual patients. Any stories I share will be vague enough to remove all identifying information, or will likely be several stories combined into one sample patient.)

The patient type I am talking about is the woman who wants us to admit her and deliver her baby right away for no other reason than she’s sick of being pregnant. And she’s not even full-term yet.

I’ve seen women at 32 weeks declare that all they need from us is a little pitocin so they can get this baby out. When you try to explain to this patient that her baby is still too small to be born, and would likely face a number of problems if born now, you’re dismissed and told that “My sister had a baby at 32 weeks and he’s fine!”

No amount of education gets through to some of them. They’re tired of being pregnant and want that baby out now, even though the pregnancy has no complications and there are no reasons to induce. Their own comfort is considered more important than the health and well-being of the baby they’re carrying.

It takes a lot to make me really angry, but this patient type often does stir up at least some small fury from deep within. I try to talk to them. I make every effort to explain why feeling “as big as a whale” is not a justification for a preterm birth. I remind them of the possibility of a stay in the NICU if their baby is born too young. I’m stunned by how often they brush all of the facts aside because, “I’m sooooo tiiiiirrred!”

I know too many people who had a premature birth forced upon them, some with good outcomes, some with tragic outcomes. My own mother still makes yearly visits to the grave of the daughter she lost at 32 weeks, born too soon 34 years ago. Does she wish she could have kept that baby in her a little longer? Hell yes.

Now, I remember I had my own share of complaining about the third trimester of pregnancy. Those of you who were reading when I was pregnant with Mira will remember that I was pretty fed up with being pregnant. But in no way did I ever consider the possibility of wanting to be induced just to get it over with sooner. Babies come out when they want to come out. And Mira waited until a full week after my due date to make her appearance. My doctor was impressed with my patience. Honestly, I was a little impressed, too.

Cordy was a scheduled c-section at 38 weeks because she was breech, and I’m still beating myself up over letting the doctor schedule it so early. I remember how angry she was, how even though she was a term baby, she wasn’t ready to come out yet. She wasn’t ready to feed, making all efforts at breastfeeding incredibly frustrating for both of us.

Despite my exasperation with patients who come to us hoping to hear the magic word “induction” because they’re tired of being pregnant, I still give them the same care I would any other patient. In fact, they often get even more of my attention, because I want to make sure they understand the seriousness of premature birth, and that just because we have the technology to grant them an early birth and provide support to a premature baby doesn’t mean we should use it if we don’t need to.

So we hook her up to the monitor, we check for any sign of contractions, check for good fetal movement and heart rate, check for any evidence of her water breaking, and if there’s nothing to be concerned about, send her home. This patient is never happy with that outcome, and the nurses are often called bitches quietly (or not-so-quietly) as they walk out the door. Like we’re trying to make them miserable for our own amusement.

I can handle that, though. Being called a bitch to keep that baby cookin’ just a little longer is fine with me. Because no matter the patient that walks in, my goal, and the goal of any nurse in my unit is the same: a healthy mom and baby.



Missing Entire Days at a Time

Thank you for all of the congrats in my last post. I received my official certificate in the mail yesterday and now need to go shopping for a frame. (And received my diploma the day before. Nice timing!)

Yesterday was my first day working with the full duties of a nurse, and I was thrilled to get my permissions to the medication cart, to administer medications, and officially perform assessments. I can’t wait until I’m ready to get fully involved in my first birth.

The biggest downside to all of this, however, is adjusting to not seeing my family everyday. I currently work 7am-7:30pm, requiring me to leave the house at 6am. I don’t get back to our home until 8:30pm. By that point, both Cordy and Mira are asleep for the night, and I leave in the morning before they wake up. If I have two or three days grouped together, that means I go days without seeing my daughters.

I know there are other moms and dads who have to do this on a regular basis. I’m not used to it yet. Honestly, it makes me cry some days. I’ve spent the last two years almost entirely at home with my kids, and I’ve grown used to our routine together. I like seeing them everyday, eating lunch together, and going to the park sometimes. I’m aware of how incredibly lucky I’ve been the last two years.

And Cordy will be starting full-day pre-K soon, so she won’t even be home for most of the day during the week. Mira will also be starting preschool two days a week. But it’s that whole not seeing them at all for 3 days a week that really bothers me.

Today I attended a training seminar, and as a result I was home by dinnertime. I walked in the door and Mira’s eyes widened as she saw me. “Mah-mi! Mah-mi!” (yes, we have “m” sounds from her now!) she screamed as she ran towards me and tackled my legs. She nuzzled her face into my legs, her voice quieter now as she repeated, “Awwwww, muh mah-mi…”

“Mama, where have you been?” Cordy asked from the other side of the room. “I missed you, mama.”

All at once I feel incredibly loved and piercingly guilt-stricken.

To add to the guilt, I’m often so exhausted lately that I can barely keep up with my two pixie sticks. No amount of caffeine can give me the energy I need to provide the attention they want from me.

I know this won’t last forever. Once my orientation is complete, I’ll switch to night shift and work 7pm-7:30am, allowing me to sleep while Cordy is in school during the day and wake around 3pm to spend time with the girls in the early evening.

Until then, I’ll continue to be jealous that Aaron gets to spend so much time with our daughters right now, and remind him to give them as much attention as possible and enjoy those moments together. Never take that time for granted.

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